


David and Matteo Make a Playlist

by evakayaki



Series: David and Matteo Make a Playlist [1]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, Canon Compliant, Comfort, Cute, David and Matteo are just figuring out life, David and Matteo are working out their relationship, Discussion of biology, Drama, Existentialism, Explicit Sexual Content, Fingering, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Fun, Funny, Gay Sex, Homophobia, Love, M/M, Oral Sex, References to Depression, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Sex, Sexy Times, Talk of Pregnancy, Talk of family, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, awkard questions, discussion of anatomy, discussion of pre-transition FTM, long story, not a songfic, references to suicidal thoughts, road trip fic, talk of children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2020-06-30 04:22:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 71,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19845487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakayaki/pseuds/evakayaki
Summary: David and Matteo take the road trip of a lifetime and learn about themselves, the world, and the people they want to be. Come along for the ride as David and Matteo make a playlist. (Follows David and Matteo's canon road trip)





	1. And so it begins

**Author's Note:**

> Please read all trigger warnings.

****

_**Then you take my hand** _  
_**Finish my drink, say, "Shall we dance?" Hell, yeah** _  
_**You know I love you, did I ever tell you?** _  
_**You make it better like that ~** _ **I Don't Care by Ed Sheeran (with Justin Beiber)** _**  
** _

Somehow, Matteo had no idea how it happened, but he was roped into having an after party after the abiball had started to wind down. Of course, Hans didn’t care, telling Matteo he had swiped right and gotten lucky, Linn was somewhere - all he knew was she wasn’t home, and Mia was going back to Alex’s place. He thought about lying for a second and telling Jonas and Abdi that Hans said no, but one look at his best friend looking at Hanna and Stefan, made him cave.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Matteo asked, unlocking the door to the WG.

David nodded, “We’ll just leave whenever we get up tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just that I think Jonas needs the distraction,“ Matteo shrugged.

“He’s your best friend. He needs you,” David smiled as he and Matteo pushed into the apartment. “When are they coming?”

“We’re here!” Jonas’ voice rang out behind them, as if he had heard David’s question.

“Sorry,” Matteo mouthed to David just to say it again. He watched as their friends flooded into the apartment, most still covered in paint. Hanna and Stefan had changed, but other than them, everyone else had flecks of color that flashed in the light.

It didn’t take long for beers to show up, the lights to dim, and where the hell did they come up with glow sticks?

“Tomorrow, breakfast? I’ll make pancakes.” Jonas threw his arm around Matteo.

Matteo shook his head, “Sorry, bro. Me and David are heading out tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah,” Jonas laughed, the high pitched laugh that only came out when he was drunk, “Forgot about that! Betcha wanted to sleep!”

“We’re fine,” Matteo promised, “How are you doing?”

Jonas took a sip of the beer in his hand. Matteo wondered where it came from because it wasn’t anything he or anyone in the WG bought, “Great! Really great! The girl I love is with some dude named _Stefan_.”

“Sorry, man,” Matteo apologized, feeling for his best friend. Even though Hanna had assured him that it wasn’t really his fault, _okay_ a little his fault, that she and Jonas were no longer together, Matteo still felt responsible.

“Yeah,” Jonas took another sip of his beer. “Hey! When you said you’d fuck me, did you mean it?”

Matteo sputtered, “Dude! How much have you had to drink?”

“Am I just unfuckable?” Jonas groaned, “What does she see in _him_?”

Biting his lip, Matteo looked around for David, spotting him in a conversation with Leonie and Sara. He tried to wave for some back up from Abdi, but he was doing God knows what with Sam on the sofa. He quickly scanned the room for Carlos, hoping he had decided to come with Kiki. No go with that.

“Like, I’m good looking, right? Girls have sex with me, so I can’t be all that bad!” Jonas went on. “Like you said you’d fuck me. Right? Right?”

“Okay!” Matteo exclaimed, pulling his friend into the kitchen. “I’m only telling you this because you’re drunk and won’t remember this tomorrow.”

Jonas blinked a few times, “What? You wouldn’t fuck me?”

“Jonas, shut up for a few seconds, “ Matteo took a deep breath, “I, uh, I did like you.”

“Bro, I like you too! Luigi!”

Matteo laughed in frustration, “No! I liked you, _liked_ you. I don’t any more, but you…Jonas, you’re one of the coolest guys I know. You actually care about people and the environment and politics and shit.”

“You do?”

“I did,” Matteo groaned, “I don’t any more. Not like that.”

Jonas shook his head. “Because you have _David_ ,” he mocked.

Feeling anger at Jonas’ tone, Matteo exhaled slowly, “No. I mean yes, I love David, but no.”

“So if you weren’t with David…”

“Don’t even go there,” Matteo shook his head, “You’re not…are you trying to tell me something here?”

“No,” Jonas stated defeated, the beer bottle dangling from his fingers, “it’s just nice, you know? Nice to know someone likes you _that_ way.”

“Okay, I think…” Matteo pried the beer gently from Jonas’ hand. “You’ll find someone. Maybe at university. Or maybe Hanna will break up with Stefan.”

“Or maybe they’ll get married and have little Stefanna babies,” Jonas pouted.

Matteo rolled his lip into his mouth, “Or maybe they’ll have little Stefanna babies.”

“Fuck, don’t say that,” Jonas mumbled, “Maybe we can have Matteonas babies.”

“Yup, you’re definitely drunk.” Matteo announced, pulling a glass from the shelf and filling it with water. “Here, drink.”

Jonas smiled brightly, “My little Luigi, always taking care of me.” He reached up and tried to ruffle Matteo’s hair over his newsboy cap. “Why can’t I share your bed?”

“Because I’ll be in it.”

Matteo was startled to see David coming into the kitchen.

“Na?” David said softly too Matteo.

“Hanna and Stefan,” Matteo relayed, noticing David eyeing Jonas. “He’s drunk.”

“Hmm,” David nodded, plucking the beer from Matteo’s hand. “This his or yours?”

Matteo nodded in Jonas’ directions.

Downing the little that was left in the bottle and setting it on the counter, David turned to Jonas, “Let’s take it easy, okay?”

“I’m good. I’m good.” Jonas held up his hands and did a little turn. “Bad idea,” He whimpered, covering his mouth and running in the direction of the bathroom.

“That shit was nasty,” David gagged when he and Matteo were alone. “He was drinking that?”

Matteo nodded, worried about his best friend, “Don’t know where it came from.”

“He’ll be okay,” David reassured, noticing Matteo wasn’t completely with him. “Hanna and Stefan left anyway. I guess he has to drive back or something.”

“Do you think it’ll last?”

“No clue,” David shrugged, “It’s like asking if we’re going to last. No one knows what’s going to happen.”

Matteo smiled and shook his head, “But we are, Mr. Schreibner.”

“Is that right?” David smiled back.

“Fate,” Matteo nodded, “Destiny. Whatever shit you want to call it. But even if we don’t, I don’t really care about the future. I wasn’t lying when I said things are pretty good right now.”

David nodded back and grabbed Matteo’s hand, “Well then, right now I want you to dance with me.”

“Lead the way,” Matteo allowed himself to be pulled into the living room, where the their friends had moved the furniture so there was a makeshift dance floor.

Amira and Kiki were the only two swaying gently out of sync to the music. Everyone else looked pretty far gone from the long night of partying.  
Wrapping his arms around Matteo’s waist, David set his own rhythm. Which was just them lazily leaning against each other. Every so often one would pull the other in for a brief kiss, too tired to do anything more.

“What time are we leaving tomorrow, again?” Matteo asked softly.

David lifted his head from Matteo’s shoulder, “Whenever.” He chuckled softly.

“Right,” Matteo laughed along, kissing David’s forehead when he laid his head back against Matteo’s shoulder.

Out of the corner of his eye, Matteo saw Jonas stumble into the room and throw himself down on the sofa next to an otherwise occupied Sam and Abdi. “Na? You okay, man?” Matteo asked, eyeing the boy.

Jonas wordlessly nodded, looking rough.

“You’re staying here tonight,” David called out without looking up. “On the sofa,” He added on for good measure.

Jonas gave a weak thumbs up.

Matteo shook his head in slight amusement, before turning his attention back to David. “Bed?” He asked.

“Hmm,” David nodded, feeling Matteo start to half dance them towards the bedroom.

Once the door was shut, they both practically collapsed onto the bed, not bothering to even care that their paint splattered clothes were probably ruining Matteo’s blankets.

“ _Fuck_ ,” David whined.

“What?” Matteo asked, from where he was smushing his face against his pillow.

David groaned, sliding out of bed, grabbing one of Matteo’s t-shirts from a laundry basket full of clothes sitting in the middle of the room. At that point he didn’t really care if it was clean. Matteo heard shuffling before the bed dipped again.

“All good?”

“Yeah,” David nodded in the darkness. “I just like breathing,” he tried to joke.

“Yeah,” Matteo echoed, “Air is good,” he reached out blindly to touch David. His hand landed on his shoulder, “Need you at your best tomorrow. Need you cute and sexy to get all the cars to stop.”

David lightly smacked Matteo’s hand before rolling over to face his boyfriend. “Oh, fuck you.”

“I wish. I’m just too tired to even get it up,” Matteo lifted an arm, only to flop it back onto the bed. He turned his head to face David and paused for a minute. David could tell he was done joking for now. “I love you. You know that, right?” His voice was barely a whisper.

When Matteo got like that, gentle, almost vulnerable, it made David fall for him even harder.

“I know,” David smiled, leaning over to kiss him softly. Matteo deepened it, rolling onto his side and bringing a hand up to cup David’s jaw.

It didn’t last very long as Matteo yawning broke their lips apart. “Sorry,” he mumbled, heat flushing his cheeks. “That was not a comment on you.”

David chuckled, giving Matteo a few more quick kisses before turning over with his back to his boyfriend. A few seconds later an ankle hooked onto David’s. It had become a thing for them. Neither were huge into cuddling in their sleep, only occasionally tucking themselves against a back or a chest before drifting off. But, regardless, they both still craved a connection to each other.

“I Love you,” David called out softly.

Matteo smiled, gently elbowing David in the back, “Love you, too.”

————————————————

When David opened his eyes he almost let out a shriek. In front of him was a sleeping Jonas, no more than a foot away from his face. He quickly grasped the blanket, pulling it up to his neck.

“Matteo?” He called out softly, just as Jonas let out a loud snore, a residual effect from his drunken night.

“Hmm,” Matteo yawned. “I’m up.”

Untangling his foot from Matteo’s, he rolled to face his boyfriend. Matteo did the same. “Why is your best friend in bed with us?”

“Hmm?” Matteo rubbed his eyes, peering over David’s shoulder to see his best friend. “Dunno.”

“Boundaries, Matteo. We have boundaries. This was not okay,” David stated.

Matteo nodded, running his hands up and down David’s back, “I’ll get rid of him.”

“No,” David shook his head, “I’m up now. Just…just make sure, he doesn’t…”

“Look?” Matteo supplied, “I got you.”

David pecked Matteo’s cheek before scooting around until he was off the bed, “Thanks.”

“What I’m here for,” Matteo replied, waiting for David to leave the room.

He set his sights on Jonas and took a deep breath, “Hey.”

When Matteo didn’t get a response, he scooted closer to the boy, “Hey.”

“Hmm,” Jonas slowly cracked an eye, “What?” He yawned.

“Hey,” Matteo repeated.

“What’s going on?”

Matteo sighed, “What are you doing in my bed?”

“Sofa was uncomfortable,” Jonas responded, eyes already started to slide shut again.

“You can’t be here,” Matteo stated, watching his best friend’s eyes open again.

Jonas looked confused, “You never cared before.”

“I know,” Matteo nodded, “It’s just…” Matteo sat up, not wanting to have this conversation laying down. “You can’t just do that any more now that I’m with David.”

“Okay?” Jonas scratched his forehead. “But, it doesn’t mean anything. David knows it doesn’t mean shit, right?”

Matteo wanted to slap him, but a part of him also realized that Jonas really didn’t understand why him in bed with David was a problem. “That’s not why…umm, you just can’t be in bed with me and David.”

“Bro, you said that already,” Jonas sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“Jonas…it’s not that…uh,” Matteo stopped for a second, to collect his thoughts. It was up to David what to share with Jonas, and it wasn’t Matteo’s place to explain it. But he wanted to say something. “This needs to be a, uh…it needs to be a safe place for David. Okay? I need him to feel comfortable and safe in my room and, especially, my bed.” He hoped Jonas would get the point.

“Okay,” Jonas rubbed his eyes. “It’s really not that big of deal.”

Matteo knew Jonas still didn’t get it. “Uh, it is. Umm, he....we need...this needs to be,” he didn’t know how to articulate it. He never thought he’d have to explain something like this to his best friend, let alone, his very hung over best friend. “Jonas,” he tried again, “Just, uh, think for a second.” Matteo pleaded.

Furrowing his brow for a second, Matteo saw that the other boy was thinking before realization dawned on him. “Oh! Shit!”

Matteo gave him a half smile, “It’s okay for now. I think. Just…did you see anything?” Matteo asked before shaking his head, “Nevermind. Stupid question. Don’t tell me. Just, if you did, please don’t tell anyone. Keep it to yourself?”

“Dude, I was so drunk last night that the only thing I saw was him in your ugly ass t-shirt,” Jonas promised.

David choose that moment to come back into the room, freshly showered and dressed. “Hey.”

“Na?” Jonas looked sheepishly for a second, “Sorry digga. Wasn’t thinking.”

“You were pretty drunk,” David agreed.

“Won’t happen again,” Jonas held up his hands. David nodded.

“I’ll just, uh, go into the other room,” Jonas awkwardly made his exit.

Waiting for him to leave, David crossed the room and sat next to Matteo on the bed. “What’d you say to him?”

“What makes you think I said anything?” Matteo asked innocently.

“Matteo,” he stated.

“Okay...I, umm, I told him that it was really important that my room, my bed, be a safe place for you. _For us_. Is that okay?” Matteo asked hesitantly, half regretting saying anything to Jonas.

“You said that?” David was slightly surprised.

Matteo nodded, feeling his cheeks start to heat up. He reached up to pull some of his hair in front of his face.

Wordlessly, David pulled Matteo into a bruising kiss and wrapped his arms around the boy. “Matteo,” he breathed, a smile playing in his lips.

“Hmm,” Matteo hummed happily at the attention. Despite wanting nothing more than to lay back down, pull the covers over their heads, and loose themselves for hours, they both knew they had to leave soon.

Grunting, Matteo swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. David giggled at the popping sounds Matteo’s joints made when he stretched. "Old man."

“Shut up,” Matteo chuckled, grabbing some clean clothes.

It didn’t take long for Matteo to shower and come back into the room.

“Everyone but Jonas is gone. I think Hans might be home. Looked like his light was on,” Matteo announced watching David shove something into his backpack.

David nodded. “I think we got everything packed,” he stated, zipping up his backpack. "If not, we'll just try and get stuff along the way."

“We really doing this?” Matteo asked, his voice laced with excitement, a grin playing on his lips.

“I suppose,” David giggled.

“Well, then, David Schreibner, will you go on a road trip with me?” Matteo closed the distance, taking David’s hand into his and pulling him to his feet.

David nodded, “Let’s do this.”

_And so it begins..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: http://bit.ly/DavidMatteoPlaylist


	2. Priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song that inspired this chapter is "Grow As We Go" by Ben Platt. Find the full David and Matteo Make a Playlist "playlist" here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/083Z6ztboC2BErxBYUUWLn?si=lEr7Qt5ZTiiq09VcjVbrJg

****

**I don't know who we'll become**  
**I can't promise it's not written in the stars**  
**But I believe that when it's done**  
**We're gonna see that it was better**  
**That we grew up together ~ “Grow As We Go” by Ben Platt**

“You know, this was not what I thought my summer was going to be,” Matteo kicked a rock into the road, watching it bounce a couple of times before stopping.

He and David had made it about two hours outside of Berlin, before the driver suddenly pulled over demanding they get out of the car. A part of Matteo suspected that she thought he was a dealer from the way she kept asking him if he had anything. He had been trying to stop with the drugs since he and David had decided to label themselves _boyfriends_. Rentier was surprisingly both elated and slightly sad when Matteo went to see him one last time a few days ago, to give him some euros he still owed from previous purchases. Matteo was shocked when the man presented him with an air mattress, saying that he had saw Matteo needed one. _”Consider it my bridge to you and your boy’s island.”_ Rentier had said and slammed the door in his face. Matteo would never figure that guy out.

David nodded beside him, hoisting his backpack a little higher on his shoulders, “Hmm.”

“Jonas and I had this plan,” Matteo shrugged, “Go to Cuba. Maybe get jobs and stay out there until he had to start university.”

“Why didn’t you?” David wants to know.

Matteo half smiled to himself, a blush rising on his cheeks as he slowed his pace and reached out for David’s hand, “I met someone.”

“Oh yeah?” David squeezed Matteo’s hand.

“Yeah,” Matteo laughed and didn’t say anymore.

When David realized Matteo wasn’t going to say anything else, he let out a soft chuckle and squeezed his hand again.

 _Holding hands_. This was something new and recent for them. Sure, they’d been having sex for a month and a few days, but holding each other’s hand had really only come a few days before the abiball. Matteo had a hard time saying his feelings, maybe it was the way he was raised and the things that he had to deal with in his life, but he found it almost embarrassing to speak out about himself. One of the only people who ever really knew the real, _real_ Matteo was Jonas, and even he didn’t fully know his best friend.

So when they were walking to school for Matteo's re-exam, he had gone quiet. He knew what he told David, what he told everyone: that he wasn’t worried. He wasn’t stressed. It was all going to be fine. But he _was_ worried. He _was_ stressed. He _didn’t know_ if it was going to be fine. If he didn’t pass this time it would be just another chapter in the _Matteo Florenzi is a fuck up_ playbook. And he was sick of writing that book. So, without much thought, he reached out and grasped David’s hand into his, intertwining their fingers. With that one simple gesture, it was like all the nerve endings had calmed and he could re-focus on Spanish and Luis Sepúlveda and the German-Spanish history. He felt David squeeze his hand back, tightening his hold on Matteo’s hand and he swear he felt a spark.

“You still with me?” David had giggled, all smiles as they continued to walk hand-in-hand.

Matteo nodded, feeling that feeling bubble in his chest. _Happy_. He was _happy_. “Yeah.”

“Do you regret it?” David asked as a car slowed down, idling next to them.

“You boys need a ride somewhere?” A middle-aged man asked.

“Y-“  
  
“No,” Matteo said quickly, “We’re good.”  
  
The man looked confused, “Where you headed? Come on.”

“Nowhere,” Matteo shot back, “Like I said, we’re good.”

“O-kay,” the man drove off.

Matteo could feel David’s questioning eyes burning into his back.

“Why didn’t we go with him?” David asked.

“I saw that guy earlier when we stopped so you could buy Früchte Drops. He was looking at you weird. I didn’t like it,” Matteo shrugged. He had spotted the guy staring intently at David as David happily grabbed up bags of candy after complaining that Matteo had eaten all their food before they even made it out of Berlin.

“Weird how?” David asked.

Matteo shrugged, “Just weird. I don’t know. But it creeped me out.”

“Okay,” David nodded.

“Okay,” Matteo repeated. They continued to walk in companionable silence. The gravel crunching under their shoes and nothing but miles in front of them. This is what Matteo had wanted when he suggested the road trip - to be alone with David, together, in the world.

“I don’t want to come between you and Jonas,” Matteo startled somewhat at David’s voice cutting through the sounds of the open road.

Matteo stopped walking, causing David to stumble a bit because of their connected hands, “What?”

“He’s your best friend. I don’t want to come between you two,” David admitted. “If you had plans with him…”

“I didn’t,” Matteo rolled his eyes, but the sentiment wasn’t serious. “We talked about it a few times, but nothing was ever serious.”

“Just…don’t put me over him. Okay?”

Matteo stared at David for a few seconds before pulling him into an awkward hug, trying to keep their hands intertwined. “You…you go over everyone,” he whispered embarrassed. He felt David stiffen in his arms.

“You can’t,” David sputtered, pulling back much to Matteo’s disappointment. “Matteo, no.”

“David, yes,” Matteo raised an eyebrow as if challenging the other boy to say something.

“No,” David shook his head and let go of Matteo’s hand. He took off his backpack and set it on the ground. “We’ve known each other a couple months. You’ve known Jonas years.”

Matteo shrugged, “So,” he reached out for David’s hand again. The other boy let him take it. “I love you,” he whispered. Even though no one was around to hear his declaration, he still blushed at the idea of saying the words out loud in public.

“I love you too, but that’s not the point here,” David’s eyes wandered to their intertwined hands. “The point is that your life doesn’t just stop because we’re together.”

“Come here,” Matteo tugged on David’s hand and sat on the ground, forcing David to do the same.

David sighed, “Matteo, we have to keep going.”

“We’re on vacation,” Matteo shrugged, “Just sit with me for a second.”

“Fine,” David relented, letting go of Matteo’s hand and pulling a knee to his chest.

Matteo scratched his forehead, pushing his hair back, only to tug it forward again. “Did you know I tried Grynder once?” He started, wanting to laugh at David’s confused look.

“Oh…kay?” David stated, not sure where this was headed.

“Yeah,” Matteo chuckled to himself, still embarrassed by what he saw, “it was before, uh, we became _us_.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, Matteo could see David cock his head to the side, “Did you have fun?” He wasn’t amused.

“I didn’t…like I got all these messages and shit about assholes and dicks,” Matteo knew his face was probably bright red, “It was just all about fucking.”

“Well, it is a hookup app,” David’s voice wasn’t sarcastic, but more annoyed, and he looked down the road in the direction they had just come from.

Matteo sniffed, “I didn’t do anything. I don’t know, I just wanted to see what Hans did, or I guess _who_ he did and didn’t do.”

“I think I see a car,” David went to stand up, but Matteo put his hand on the other boy’s wrist.

“Please?” Matteo asked softly.

It took a few seconds, but David nodded and sat back down.

“I…I wanted something real, you know? I didn’t just want some random Grynder guy to takemyvirginity,” He rushed out, looking down at the gravel underneath him.

David looked at Matteo in surprise, “What?”

Matteo bit the inside of his lip and it reminded both of them of the first time he said I love you to David. “I was a virgin until very, _very_ recently.” He clarified, looking down at his hands.

“Sara?” David asked carefully.

Shaking his head, Matteo turned his head away from David, “You.”

“Me?”

“Yeah,” Matteo cleared his throat. “I just…I wanted it to be the right person.”

Matteo felt David scoot a little closer to him, “You were my first, too.”

“Were you disappointed?” Matteo wanted to know. He had thought David had enjoyed it, enjoyed all the times they’d slept together since, but he wasn’t sure. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Now it was David’s turn to blush, “It was everything I needed it to be. I had been scared of sex long before I figured out I was trans.” David admitted. “I thought I might have been asexual or something.”

“And now?” Matteo prodded.

David turned slightly, so he was facing Matteo, “I’m definitely not asexual. It was just fear.”

“Of what?”

“Someone seeing me without clothes. Someone seeing my body,” David cleared his throat, “Especially after I came out, I just…I wasn’t sure.”

Matteo nodded, “Hmm.”

“And to answer your question, no you didn’t hurt me. Well, maybe at first it was uncomfortable, but it didn’t hurt,” David shrugged. “How was it for you?”

“Awesome!” Matteo answered immediately, not meaning to say it so quickly. “I mean, uh, you were amazing.” He could still hear David’s gasps in his ear, picture David’s writhing body underneath his, taste David’s skin on his tongue.

David started to giggle, and Matteo frowned in confusion, “Um, thinking about something interesting?”

Looking down, Matteo was horrified to see he was getting hard, “Shit.”

“What were you thinking about?” David’s giggle only got higher pitched and louder in volume as he poked Matteo’s side, “Huh? Huh?”

Matteo grumbled, “Fuck.”

“I would offer to take care of that, but there’s no place to go,” David teased with a shrug.

It took some minutes for Matteo to get himself under control, after mentally picturing everything from the Spanish abi to having sex with Abdi, which he was embarrassed to find did not turn him off like he thought it would.

“Ready to go?” David stood up once he saw Matteo’s problem was gone.

“Just wait a second,” Matteo pleaded, grasping David’s ankle. “Sit with me a little longer, please?”

“Okay,” David sat down.

Matteo reached over and set his hand on David’s knee, as if to keep him there. “I need you to know,” he broke off, his voice growing softer, “that you are always going to be my first priority, okay?”

David had hoped Matteo had forgotten about their earlier conversation. And when he didn’t answer or indicate he’d heard, Matteo laid a hand on David’s cheek, gently forcing David’s head to turn and face Matteo.

“Can we not have this conversation?” David muttered.

Shaking his head, Matteo used his thumb to caress the skin on David’s cheek. “David-“

“Matteo,” David said at the time and Matteo went quiet, waiting for him to continue. “I don’t want you to change your life because of me.”

“But, you--it’s already changed,” Matteo whispered, his thumbnail automatically finding a place between his teeth, as he bit down.

“We’ve only known each other since March,” David protested.

Matteo shrugged, “I've wanted something _real_ for a while,” he couldn’t look at David. “I used to see Jonas with Hanna and then Carlos with Kiki and even Abdi hanging with Sam, and I wanted that. I thought I could with Sara. I wanted it with Sara.”

“And?” David encouraged.

“Now we’re together,” Matteo cleared his throat, “Maybe you were right. We should try and get a ride,” he tried to laugh as he went to push himself off the ground.

“No, just,” David grasped Matteo’s fingers. Matteo waited a second before relaxing back onto the ground.

“Why is it...why do I go over everyone in your life?” David asked.

Matteo looked down at their hands, David was still grasping his fingers. “Did I ever tell you about the conversation I had with Hans?”

Once again, David was thrown into confusion.

“I, umm, I accidentally outed you to him,” Matteo dug his toe into the gravel. “Sorry.”

David shrugged.

“He asked what I liked about you,” Matteo cleared his throat again, trying his hardest not to look at his boyfriend.

“What did you say?” David squeezed Matteo’s fingers.

Matteo took a breath, “I, um, I told him that...when we’re together, when I’m with you, I-,” he paused and brought their joined hands onto his lap. “I feel understood.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Matteo could see a smile slowly start to make its way on David’s lips.

“Jonas is my best friend, and the boys are _the boys_. Hans, Amira, Mia, Hana, They’re family. They all are, I guess. But you...are none of those things. Because with all the shit with my parents, I know I can live without my family. I can go without friends. But you? I don’t...I can’t handle it, okay? And maybe I’m still a little drunk from last night, this morning, fuck. But...” he shrugged.

David untangled their hands so he could wrap an arm around Matteo’s shoulder. “Okay, you win.”

“What?” Matteo glanced into his boyfriend’s eyes. “Win what?”

“Me,” David giggled and squeezed Matteo to him. Matteo watched as he leaned in and they shared a tender kiss that left Matteo wanting to lose himself. “Seriously,” David spoke again, “I want you to feel like you can hang out with your friends without me. Have text chats without me. I don’t need to be part of every aspect of your life. I just need to be part of it, okay?”

Matteo nodded.

The two sat in companionable silence. “Come on, let’s find a ride. I’m starting to get a headache from all that drinking last night,” David patted Matteo’s knee and stood up, grabbing their Amsterdam sign from his backpack. He walked to the side of the road, holding up the sign. Matteo sat in awe of this man he got to call _his_.

Pulling out his phone, he stood up, hit record, and started to talk to the camera about Amsterdam before he heard David start to shout. Of course, David would get them a ride almost right away. He wasn’t surprised. The same had been true this morning. Almost immediately after Matteo had teased him about being hungover, they were on their way in a strangers car.

Ending the recording, Matteo grabbed up both their backpacks, handing David his and they piled into the backseat of a younger guy who just asked for weed in exchange for the ride an hour away. Matteo happily agreed and watched as David leaned his head onto Matteo’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He was asleep within seconds of the car driving away and Matteo kissed the top of his head.

Turning his attention back to his phone, he brought up his videos from the day and smiled at David’s face as it appeared on screening denying he was hungover. He quickly uploaded a few videos and some pictures to his Instagram story, sent Jonas a text making sure he was okay and got home, and sent Hans and Laura and update that they were okay and sending his and David’s last location so the two were aware. He leaned his head onto David’s, watching the road unfold in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'm piecing together their roadtrip locations based on the signs they have. Also, it may be just me being really terrible at geography, but I'm trying to figure out where Matteo and David are at when they say they are at the South Sea. I can't seem to find a location. If someone knows, please let me know. It's from Matteo's Instastory: https://www.youtube.com/embed/LRWAq0W7XLE?start=138


	3. Amsterdam Part 1

**Loving you was dumb, dark and cheap**  
**Loving you will still take shots at me**  
**Found loving you was sunshine, but then it poured**  
**And I lost so much more than my senses**  
**'Cause loving you had consequences ~ “Consequences" by Camila Cabello**

The air felt different here. Freer. Lighter. Or maybe that’s just because they had made it.

David smiled to himself, curling his arm around Matteo’s bicep. His other hand was gently grasping the inside of his boyfriend’s elbow. They had only been in Amsterdam for a day and half and most of that time had been spent trying to find a place to sleep. Hotels were out of the question and neither were big on the idea of staying at a hostel. So, with some creative Googling, David had managed to find them a tiny room in an apartment in a shady looking area in Rivierenbuurt. It was about a half hour by metro to the city center. But it was a place and a bed.

The owner was a big burly man named, funny enough, Hans. He was and spoke German, so David knew both he and Matteo immediately felt more at ease that they could at least communicate with this man they’d be living with for the next week or so. Hans had given them the key, a couple towels and told them dinner was at 7pm every night and they were welcome to join him. They had been too tired the first night, but David had suggested they take him up on his offer to conserve their money their second night. Before they had left for the day, Hans had told them he was making erwtensoep for dinner that night.

“-as it’s his birthday next month.”

David was pulled out of his thoughts. “What? Sorry.”

“You tired?” Matteo asked with a smirk.

 _Oh yeah, wear that shit eating grin_. David rolled his eyes. Once the two had gotten settled, they had locked the bedroom door. Matteo smiled at David in an adorable way, stating that they were finally alone, in a bedroom, by themselves. And that did it. David had been holding onto pent up frustration the entire time it had taken to get there. Ever since he had accidentally given Matteo a hard on, he had wanted to take care of his boyfriend. He just hadn’t had the opportunity beforehand and he definitely was not going to get arrested or something for giving his boyfriend a blowjob in public, even if it was secluded public.

He had pushed Matteo down onto the bed, the other boy’s knees bent and his feet planted on the floor as he fell backwards. David raised an eyebrow as he unzipped Matteo’s pants and freed him from the confines of his jeans. With Matteo’s help, he got the boy’s jeans and boxers down just enough for David to take him into his mouth. He had sucked, stroked, licked, did everything he knew would drive Matteo wild, frantic to get his boyfriend to an orgasm. It didn’t take long for Matteo to come with a gasp and a loud moan. David hoped Hans was a deep sleeper.

When Matteo went to reciprocate, David had shook his head, telling the other boy that _this_ was about Matteo. The truth was that Matteo had gone down on David once a few weeks ago and, even though he had come, he wasn’t really sure if he had enjoyed it. It was so much different from penetrative sex, it was more intimate in a way, almost dirty. All he really remembers is making himself moan a few times, wetness from Matteo’s tongue and then his orgasm had taken him by surprise. Physiological reflex, or at least that’s what Google had called it. Other than that, he’s not sure if it was all that...pleasurable. But he’d never tell Matteo that. _Ever_. Because the other boy had smiled so brightly, rubbed David’s stomach, hips, and thighs affectionately before crawling back up the bed to hold him. The after had been nice.

“You still with me?” Matteo nudged him, bringing David out of his thoughts.

David nodded, “We should go to Vondelpark and the Homomonument tomorrow.”

“We should go to the Red Light District tomorrow,” Matteo stated. “Or maybe some gay clubs.”

David chuckled. “I’ve never heard you say you want to go clubbing, ever.”

“We’re in Amsterdam, shouldn’t we try new things?” Matteo shrugged.

“Maybe we can go before we leave in a couple days,” David compromised. They went quiet and David didn’t mind, enjoying being out with his boyfriend. “This is nice.”

Matteo nodded.

They had spent the day wandering along the canals, before heading over to The Jordaan neighborhood. They had eaten a quiet lunch in a small cafe, went into some stores - where Matteo practically had to drag David out of an art store because he was getting so bored and David was taking forever. In the end David didn’t end up buying anything.

“We should start heading back,” David untangled himself from Matteo and glanced at the time on his phone. “We don’t want to be late for Hans.”

David smiled when he felt Matteo wrap an arm around his waist, lean in and press a kiss to his cheek. Wrapping his arm around Matteo’s shoulder, he wanted to bubble over at how affectionate his boyfriend had been practically since they started this trip back in Berlin.

David tried not to stiffen when he saw an older couple pass them, but they just offered him a warm smile, the man nodding at them.

“I can’t believe we actually made it here,” Matteo commented and David let him lead the way to the Metro station.

“Didn’t seem like we would for a little while there,” David agreed, thinking back to the many cars that had passed them up on the road, “But it’s nice, being here with you.”

“Yeah,” Matteo nodded. “You never told me what your plans were for the summer. I told you mine.”

“I don’t know. I didn’t really think that far ahead,” David shrugged.

After he was outed, he didn’t know that Laura had reached out to their parents to let them know. And despite not really talking to them for the past year, even though he had lived with them for the majority of it, he got a text from his mother a few days after the abistreich inviting him to come “home” for a few weeks. He never answered her. And he never told Matteo about any of it. He knew his boyfriend would’ve offered to go with him. But he wasn’t ready to try with his parents, not after they had practically shoved him at Laura to take care of.

“Nothing with your friends at your old school?” Matteo asked as they finally made it to the station.

For some reason David found that slightly hysterical. “Friends? I didn’t have friends at my old school.” David held Matteo’s hand as they boarded.

“No one?” Matteo asked surprised.

“I talked to a few kids. But nothing like what you have with Jonas or the boys.” At first David had found Matteo and Jonas’ friendship odd. Jonas wasn’t afraid to show “Luigi” affection, kissing the top of his head, cuddling him, and, of course, sleeping in the same bed. The boys and Matteo often shared food, using the same fork or splitting pastries and handing over the half that one of them had already bitten, the other not seeming to mind. But David also found it to resemble family. They were _family_. The boys loved Matteo and Matteo loved them. And Matteo shared a bond with Jonas that went beyond any meaning of the word friendship. “They’re your family.”

“They’re alright,” Matteo snorted. “It used to be just Jonas and me, then Abdi, and then Carlos.”

David squeezed Matteo’s hand, going silent for the rest of the ride back to Hans’.

———

Dinner had been good. David was surprised that both he and Matteo had managed to eat two bowls of the stew-like soup when neither were really big on peas. But, if there was anything about Matteo Florenzi that David had learned, it was that he was willing to pretty much eat anything that was put in front of him _if_ it was free.

Hans had made small talk with them, suggesting a few places to go see after everyone had eaten their fill. Hans was just starting to tell them about a film museum and some art house theaters when David felt Matteo slip a discreet arm behind him, the hand lifted up his shirt, only to allow the material to fall back down once Matteo’s hand was touching the skin of his lower back. His boyfriend stroked his hand up and down, Matteo’s thumb hitting to the edge of his binder before stroking back down. David knew what that meant, Matteo was turned on and wanted to have sex. It was a subtle enough hint, one that took David some time and Matteo finally telling him what that meant. So, over the shirt was just because, but if Matteo touched his back under his shirt it equaled sex. David had rolled his eyes. Why did his boyfriend have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t he just squeeze a thigh or run and ankle up a shin?

David patted Matteo’s knee to let him know he understood. “Hans, I think we’re going to go get some sleep. We’re pretty tired from being out all day.”

“Of course,” Hans smiled warmly. “Please feel free to wander around. If you get hungry or thirsty during the night, please take what you want from the fridge.”

“Thanks,” David stood up and Matteo scrambled to his feet. “Have a good night.”

“Good night,” Practically dragged David back to their room.

David giggled as Matteo shut and locked the bedroom door. “That was kind of rude.”

“No. I was polite,” Matteo shrugged, already riding himself of his shirt.

David let out a laugh, “Slow down. It’s okay.”

Matteo didn’t answer and David was suddenly pulled against his chest. He giggled, as their lips joined in a chaste kiss.

Somehow, David didn’t know when, Matteo had divested himself of his shoes, pants and underwear and was now standing completely naked in front of him.

“I think I’m a little overdressed,” David giggled taking his shirt off too. He smiled to himself as Matteo waited for him. He toed off his shoes and turned away from the other boy, pulling off his binder he grabbed Matteo’s palm tree shirt from his boyfriend’s backpack and slipped it on.

“Fuck,” Matteo moaned, “You know what it does to me when you wear my clothes,” He growled.

David smirked, “I don’t think I’ve _ever_ noticed.” He joked closing the distance between the two of them.

Chuckling, Matteo brought their lips together while at the same time, reaching down to undue David’s jeans, letting them pool at his ankles.

David giggled again at his boyfriend’s eagerness and pushed Matteo back onto the bed. Matteo laughed along, pulling him in for another kiss. And David loved this. Loved that they could laugh in bed together. Sometimes Matteo would make him giggle so much that they could do little more than rut up against each other, trying to kiss around their laughter.

“You have me Schreibner,” Matteo smiled laying back and surrendering. David raised an eyebrow from his place on top of the boy.

“Hmm,” David leaned down “I want to ride you.” He grinned when he felt Matteo stiffen underneath him, the erection that was poking him in the back felt like it may have twitched, but maybe David was just imagining things a that point.

“Uhh,” Matteo’s mouth fell open. “Y-yes. Please.”

David smiled. He loved being in control like this. Loved reducing his boyfriend into an adorable mess of stutters and incoherent thoughts. Loved that Matteo wanted to be with him. When they were in bed together, Matteo had never once made him feel like anything less than the man he was. He never thought he’d have that with anyone. He thought he’d forever have to live like a vampire, left to hide himself, never letting anyone see him in the daylight. Even now, his own parents still sometimes had a hard time seeing him as _him_. He suspected his mother thought this was a phase, and he knew his father and Laura had more than one conversation about his sexuality. Laura never tried to speak for him, but he knew she always defended him to their parents. Always fought for his right, even before he had begun transitioning. Sometimes it felt like Laura was more of a parent to him then their own.

“David,” Matteo moaned, and David leaned down to kiss him again, intent on loosing himself in everything Matteo Florenzi for a couple of hours.

Pretty soon, David found himself moaning brokenly into Matteo’s mouth as the other boy thrust up into him hard. Matteo felt so deep that David thought he might pass out. He couldn’t do anything but cling to Matteo’s shoulders desperately trying to keep himself from falling off of the boy’s lap.

Even though it had been David’s idea to take control, that plan had fallen quickly to the side when Matteo had grabbed his hips and practically impaled him.

“Fuck,” David cried out, embarrassed that it sounded more like a squeak. “M-Matteo!”

Matteo grunted in response, hands gripping David’s hips hard. “David, David, David.” He chanted holding David in place so he could thrust hard a few times.

“Oh God,” David gasped. Leaning down he pressed his lips against Matteo’s. They weren’t even really kissing, just breathing into each other’s mouths.

When David stated to whine, small little high pitched sounds, Matteo clamped their lips together, as if he wanted to swallow David’s pleasure. David stiffened and could feel Matteo stop thrusting and then he was coming. His fingernails dug into the soft skin of Matteo’s shoulders.

When his orgasm had finally subsided he felt Matteo follow suit, one of his hands coming around to the back of David’s head, pulling him in for a bruising kiss.

“Fuck,” Matteo laughed and David giggled along, finding the energy to get off his boyfriend and lay down next to him. He watched as Matteo deposited the used condom in the trash next to the bed and grabbed some tissues from the bed side table to clean them up.

Closing his eyes as his boyfriend used the soft material to wipe him off, David found himself drifting at Matteo’s touch.

——————

David looked around the dark room as he slowly woke up, trying to remember exactly where he was. He had been having a weird dream about being back in gym class, but this time they were in the abandoned pool and his parents were there. It wasn’t a nightmare, but it definitely freaked him out a bit.

Looking to his left, he watched Matteo sleep for a few seconds. His boyfriend’s hair was tousled over his face and a soft snore escaped through thinly parted lips. David smiled down at him, ghosting a finger down Matteo’s nose before getting out of bed. For being June, the house was exceptionally cold and he was glad he had convinced Matteo it was a good idea to pack a few hoodies just in case.

As quietly as he could he pulled on some sweatpants. He rooted around in Matteo’s backpack, finding his Techno hoodie and slipping it on. He liked that it was baggy and smelled like his boyfriend. Matteo had teased him relentlessly for his somewhat infatuation with the thing. _“You know I made out with Sara in that once.”_ Matteo had laughed. But David didn’t care because it was just so _Matteo_.

Quietly, David opened the door just a crack, trying to keep the hall light from filtering in. He walked into the kitchen with the intention of just sitting by himself for a minute, when he noticed Hans at the table. He was just about to turn around and go back to the bedroom, but Hans turned first and spotted him right away.

“Ah, David. What’re you doing up?” The man greeted with a smile.

David pulled the hoodie a little looser in the front and awkwardly crossed his arms over his chest. “Couldn’t sleep, I guess.”

“I understand. Being in a new place always takes me a couple days to get used to.” Hans agreed. “Can I get you a warm milk with honey?”

“I’m okay,” David declined, still standing several feet away from the table.

“Well, come. Sit,” Hans gestured to the chair opposite him.

Biting his lip, David slowly uncrossed his arms and walked towards the table, taking a seat. “If you don’t mind me asking, why are you up?”

“I’m always like this. Ever since my kids left home and my wife passed. This place feels too big sometimes,” Hans shrugged.

David nodded.

“Are you and your friend Matteo enjoying Amsterdam?”

“Yeah,” David nodded again. He wasn’t sure if Hans had pieced together they were more than friends. They certainly hadn’t divulged that information because neither felt the need to tell their temporary landlord. But he thought it was kind of obvious, and after the noises that must have been coming from their room, he was sure it was no longer a secret.

Hans smiled fondly at him, “My son had a friend like your Matteo. They’re still _friends_. They moved to France last year, leaving an old man alone.”

“Hmm,” David nodded. “How long have they been _friends_?”

“Fifteen years,” Hans nodded to himself.

“That’s, umm, a long time to be friends,” David turned his head to look out the dark window. He could see lights from the other apartments shining dimly into the night. “Matteo and I have only been _friends_ for a few months.” He didn’t know why he was telling an almost complete stranger this.

“It is,” Hans said knowingly, “But, let’s stop saying _friends_ , shall we?” He winked.

David nodded again and tugged the hoodie away from his chest. “Are you okay with that?”

“Now, yes. Ten years ago, no,” he paused. “I didn’t understand how two men could just love each other like that. They’d always acted like friends around me. And then my wife passed and I saw them. Saw how they took care of each other. It was just the same as if I was watching me and my wife. I saw how they were when they were apart. It was like if you separated an entwined particle and moved both parts away. Even at opposite ends of the universe, if you altered one you affected both.”

“ _Only Lovers Left Alive_ ,” David smiled.

“Very good,” Hans nodded, “Movie fan?”

“I want to be a filmmaker,” David shrugged. “And it’s my favorite movie.”

Hans nodded again, “Well, the sentiment’s still true.”

“Yeah,” David agreed. And after a moment, he started to talk again. “I had this plan, you know, I was going to run away to Detroit. And then I met Matteo.”

Hans laughed, “You could still go. It’s not too far from here.”

“We’re going to try once we leave Amsterdam.”

“Mmm, so Matteo is also a fan of the movie?” Hans asked.

David chuckled, remembering the few times that he made Matteo sit through it with him. Matteo grumbling the whole time about watching something, anything else. So it had come as a surprise when Matteo had suggested they add Detroit to their road trip destinations, one in which David readily agreed to and earned Matteo a makeout session that had lasted a little more than a half hour before they both needed a significant amount of air and water.

“Not at all,” David laughed, “he could barely sit through it.” He played with the ends of the sleeves and tugged the material covering his chest outwards again.

“David, I can’t help but notice that you keep pulling at your sweatshirt. Is it too warm in here? I can go turn up the air conditioning,” Hans offered.

Truth was, David was actually a little cold. “No, I’m okay, it’s just…it’s just a nervous thing I do sometimes.”

“Oh.” David could see that Hans was confused and it looked like the man wanted to press, but didn’t. For which David was grateful. He wasn’t going to divulge that he was trans, wasn’t wearing a binder, and had some body dysphoria at the moment.

“Well, I’m going to go back and see if I can get a little more sleep,” David stood up. “Thanks for the, uh, conversation.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you for indulging me,” Hans smiled, “Goodnight David.”

“Night, Hans,” David quickly walked back to the bedroom. 

Once inside, he curled up next to Matteo, feeling arms immediately encircle his waist, one hand dipping into the pocket of the hoodie.

“Everything okay?” A sleepy voice sighed onto his cheek and lips pressed against the skin there.

David nodded, “Just needed to pee.”

“Hmm,” Matteo whispered and the next thing David heard was Matteo’s even breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> erwtensoep is a Dutch split pea soup
> 
> This chapter will be split into 2-3 parts because it was getting really, really, really long. 
> 
> Find the playlist here: http://bit.ly/DavidMatteoPlaylist
> 
> Also, it contains sex because sex is a part of their lives. If these were cisgender boys I would be writing them having sex too (and have). So, please know that sex will be a part of this story. It will always be handled as honestly and respectfully as possible. Thanks!


	4. Amsterdam Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS -- GO TO THE END NOTES TO SEE**

**Loving you was dumb, dark and cheap**  
**Loving you will still take shots at me**  
**Found loving you was sunshine, but then it poured**  
**And I lost so much more than my senses**  
**'Cause loving you had consequences ~ “Consequences" by Camila Cabello**

Approaching the monument seemed sacred, almost reverent. It was quieter than in other areas of the city and David knew it was because of the significance surrounding it. He felt Matteo squeeze his hand and squeezed back. They hadn’t let go of each other since they had left the art house cinema earlier that afternoon.

Hans had suggested they have lunch at a restaurant called The Breakfast Club, causing David to chuckle and Matteo to look slightly confused. David had shaken his head in amusement and explained the movie on the Metro into the city center.

They had eaten American pancakes and afterwards, wandered around a bit, taking in the neighborhood. It was by fluke that they had passed a theater called Filmhallen. David had told Matteo he just wanted to look inside, but Matteo rolled his eyes and approached the counter asking for two tickets to whatever movie was playing right then.

David was trying not to smile too much, but every so often a laugh would escape him. It was the first move in a theater that he and Matteo were seeing together. Usually it was just something on a computer, tablet or phone screen. When Matteo had asked why he was smiling, David couldn’t hold back. This was their _first date_. Sure, they’d been to the abiball together and gone out to get food, but that really wasn’t a “date.” _This_ was a date.

David leaned a little into Matteo. He was on a date with his boyfriend in an art house cinema seeing an American film in Amsterdam. Matteo joked about getting popcorn and a Coke with two straws. David knew his eyes probably lit up because before he knew what was happening, Matteo had purchased their snacks.

The theater was pretty much empty, with only two other people there. They chose to sit in the corner at the very top. David felt a little bit of a thrill move through him, this was the cliché movie date thing to do. Moving the armrest up, Matteo leaned his head onto David’s shoulder and David wrapped an arm around him and sat back, wondering what it was they were going to see. And when the words _The Lavender Scare_ flashed across the screen, David tried to wrack his brain because he knew he had heard about this before. Had come across it in his research for answers on his symptoms.

By the end of the film, Matteo was crying lightly on David’s shoulder and David felt a few tears on his cheeks. David had sniffled, wiped his eyes and kissed the top of Matteo’s head. “I love you,” He whispered and heard Matteo say it back.

It took a few minutes, but they managed to get themselves back together enough to leave the theater. Matteo had grabbed David’s hand tightly and didn’t let go the entire twenty five minute walk to the homomonument. And that’s where they found themselves now.

David squeezed his boyfriend’s hand as they looked over the triangle. Neither said anything, David could see a few other couples around having them same reaction as them. How far society had come. How far it still needed to go.

“I love you,” Matteo whispered in his ear. David blinked back his tears.

“I love you too,” He whispered back.

David didn’t think that the day would be as emotional as it was, but he was kind of glad for it too. He got to share this with Matteo. They had watched a documentary on their first date about LGBT persecution in America during the Cold War and were now paying respects to gays and lesbians persecuted during World War II. It was liberating in a way, because he could stand there holding his boyfriend’s hand and it was _okay_.

David wondered how many trans people were forced to go on pretending just to keep living. How many went their whole lives never knowing what it felt like to finally be their true self.

“I don’t know how they did it,” Matteo whispered. “If I couldn’t be with you...” he mumbled and David knew he hadn’t meant to say that part out loud.

“I would’ve died,” he stated, because he knew it was true. “Either by my hand or someone else’s.”

David saw Matteo flinch out of the corner of his eye and dropped his hand in favor of wrapping his arm around David’s waist.

“Maybe fate would’ve had us meet then,” Matteo suggested, “We would’ve run away.”

“Yeah,” David shrugged. It was all getting to be a bit too much. “You want to head back?”

He saw Matteo frown as he glanced at the time on his phone. “It’s only 15:30. Are you sure? I thought you wanted to go to the park.”

“I just got really tired,” David hoped Matteo wouldn’t question him further. He didn’t know how to articulate what he was feeling to himself yet, let alone Matteo.

“Uh, okay,” Matteo nodded and led them in the direction he thought he saw the Metro station.

——————

David was grateful that Hans wasn’t home when they got back. The entire train ride had pushed him more and more into that indescribable feeling and he didn’t really want to have to talk to anyone, boyfriend included.

“You need anything?” Matteo asked as David slipped under the blanket, having only taking off his shoes and pants. He had grabbed up Matteo’s Techno hoodie again, and even though it may be just a little too warm to wear, he put it on anyways.

“I’m going to go text Hans and Jonas…unless, uh, you want me to stay.”

David shook his head, waving his arm for Matteo to go. He sighed in relief when he heard the bedroom door close with a click.

He tried to gain perspective, but felt like he was suffocating. He knew he’d been triggered when he told Matteo he’d die. He wasn’t lying because he almost did die.

His parents hadn’t agreed to letting him transition, not at first. Wouldn’t give the doctor permission to prescribe hormones. They wanted him to be sure and _how can a twelve year old be sure?_ So, they made him wait. And that’s when things started to get really bad. So bad that Laura didn’t even know about it. All he felt all the time was just so fucking _wrong_.

It was two weeks before his thirteenth birthday when he was sitting down with his dad, watching some random show on television. He doesn’t remember what it was, but he does remember starting to cry and his dad wrapping an arm around his shoulders asking what was wrong. David had sniffled and wiped his tears. “I feel like I’m going to die. I _want_ to die.” And when his father asked why, he told him the truth. “I feel wrong. I _am_ wrong. I just can’t keep doing this. I feel bad _all the time_. And it never stops!” Within a few days he had his shots and a standing appointment with a psychologist.

And it had been better, despite being outed at two schools, being with Matteo helped ground him. Not to the point where he was dependent on the other boy, but Matteo definitely made him feel happier and his body dysphoria hadn’t really hit him that much, until today. Until he started thinking about his transition.

Generally he was fine with his body, it wasn’t an ideal situation, but he knew soon he’d be able to have top surgery. And he had his binder, which had greatly diffused a lot of his anxiety as soon as he had put it on for the first time.

And now that he and Matteo were having sex, he felt sexy, wanted. He loved that he could turn Matteo on just by giving him a look, a kiss, a simple touch. But that didn’t mean his issues were suddenly magically gone. Sometimes he was terrified that Matteo would look at him and question why he was with someone who had so much going on. So much that he had forced Matteo to deal with.

And he understood how scary that must have been for Matteo to just be coming to terms with his own sexuality and then to be told that the boy he liked was transgender. He got why Matteo could be confused. David had five years to deal with his stuff and come to terms with it. He couldn’t expect Matteo to do it fully in a few months.

Sometimes, he did wonder if Matteo was still one hundred percent ready to be in a relationship with him. The other boy had never even seen him fully naked yet. And even though that shouldn’t matter because David is a boy, he knew it might. So he hid behind t-shirts every time they did anything intimate.

He shook his head and sat up, pulling out his phone. He connected the call to a familiar number.

“Na? Where are you?” Laura’s soft voice filtered through the phone.

“Amsterdam,” he scratched the back of his neck.

“Where are you staying? Are you okay? Matteo texted me when you were halfway there. Do you—“

“Laura!” David interrupted her, “I just...I need to ask you something.”

He could hear his sister stop for a second. “Everything okay between the two of you?”

David nodded, “Everything’s great. But, um...how do you...how do you think Matteo would react if I, uh, went completely naked in front of him.” _Fuck_. He could feel his cheeks going red. He knew this was something filed under what _not_ to talk about with your sister, but he didn’t have a lot of options at the moment.

“I...I assumed you two were...you know?” She asked awkwardly.

David grumbled to himself, “We, um, are. But he’s never seen me without my binder or a shirt on.”

“Oh,” He could hear Laura sigh. “Why don’t you talk to him about it?”

“I...I don’t even know how to bring it up. I just, I’m tired of hiding from him. I love him and I guess...this just feels like another secret.” Plus it gets kind of annoying sometimes when they are getting hot and heavy to have to stop so he can get a t-shirt. Matteo had actually fallen asleep on him, _twice_ , in the seconds it took for him to change. But he wouldn’t tell Laura any of that.

“David, I think if you trust him and love him like you’ve told me, then he’s going to listen. I think it’s going to be fine, but you have to talk to him,” she advised.

“Yeah,” David mumbled.

“So…mom and dad asked about you,” She switched subjects and he was glad for the change. “They said they’d be willing to visit us.”

David picked at the hem of his boxers, “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Do you?” Laura countered and David internally groaned. He hated when she did that.

“I don’t know,” David answered honestly, “I just…can we talk about this later?”

“Sure. But, David, we are going to have to deal with them eventually,” She said softly.

David nodded, “I know. I just…I want to enjoy being with Matteo.”

“Okay,” He could hear the smile in her voice, “I’m glad you’re happy. You two have enough money?”

“We’re good,” David smiled.

“You call me if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay.” David promised.

“I’m serious, David. You call me if you two get into trouble.” She said sternly.

“I promise,” David cleared his throat, “Thanks Laura.”

“Okay. Go be with your boyfriend,” She laughed and the call ended.

David sighed, running a hand through his hair. He shoved his hands into his pocket and itched to draw, to keep his fingers busy. He could’ve kicked himself. He had bought a new sketch book because his was running low on blank pages, but he left it on Matteo’s dresser back in Berlin. And he had run out of pages on the trip there. He wondered if there was a store nearby where he could buy a cheap notebook.

Not wanting to think anymore for a little while, he laid back down and closed his eyes.

———————

Something had woken him. At first he couldn’t place it until he noticed the room had gone gray and a light filtering in through the door shined directly on his face.

“Thanks Hans,” He heard Matteo’s voice reverberate around the room. The door clicked shut and then there were footsteps and a dull light from the bedside lamp illuminating the room.

David sat up, and watched his boyfriend, who hadn’t yet noticed he was awake. Matteo set a plate down on the table before grabbing something from the bottom of his backpack.

“You’re up,” David could tell Matteo was slightly surprised to see him sitting up.

“Yeah,” David cleared his throat.

Matteo nodded, “I brought you dinner in case you were hungry. It’s some chicken thing, not really sure what it’s called, but it was good.” He shrugged picking up the plate and handing it over to David.

“Thanks,” David set it on the table next to his side of the bed.

“Are you feeling better?” Matteo asked, walking around the bed so he could sit next to him.

David shrugged.

“Talk to me?” Matteo’s voice was soft, almost tender.

“I…I guess I wasn’t expecting today,” David admitted. “Wasn’t expecting it to bring up some stuff for me.”

David watched as Matteo set down whatever he had pulled out of his backpack behind him. He reached over and set a hand on David’s knee.

“I…I told you about body dysphoria,” David started, looking at the blanket.

“Yeah,” Matteo nodded, immediately moving his hand off of David, much to David’s dismay. He scooted around so that he was leaning his head on Matteo’s chest, his arm around his boyfriend’s stomach. He felt Matteo’s arm automatically go around his back and come to rest on his hip.

“Most of the time I’m okay,” David nodded, “But there are…there are times when I’m not. I don’t feel okay.”

Matteo hummed for a second and David felt it rumble through the boy’s chest. “What does it feel like? Body dysphoria?”

David was caught off guard, no one had ever asked him that question. His psychologist would ask why he felt that way, but he doesn’t ever remember being asked how it felt. “Umm…like I can’t breathe. Like I just want to rip my skin off. I used to…used to look in the mirror and I hated that person. I…I wanted that person to die.”

“You wanted to die?” Matteo whispered, David felt Matteo’s fingers dig into his hip.

David nodded wordlessly.

“Did you try…” David heard Matteo’s voice hitch slightly.

“No,” David rubbed his cheek against Matteo’s chest, “but…it can get bad like that.”

“Do you feel like that now?”

David shook his head, “It’s not as bad as it used to be. It’s just…today, brought up a lot of shit and I don’t know.” He trailed off, not really knowing how to express himself further.

“I got you something,” Out of the corner of his eye, David saw Matteo reach behind himself, “Maybe it will help.” Matteo sat up straighter causing David to sit up too. “It’s…here.”

David felt a book being shoved into his hands. It was a sketchbook. _The_ sketchbook he had seen the day before in the art store. He remembered running his hands over the pages, feeling the thickness of the paper. It was probably the nicest sketchbook he had come across and he could already picture filling the thing up with his drawings. The clerk had asked a few times if he wanted it, but one look at the price and he couldn’t justify it.

“Matteo,” David gasped.

“I saw you keep looking at it. And…remember when I told you I had to go call Coach because she had sent me an urgent text right after we left?”

David nodded.

“Well, there was no text. I went back and bought it,” Matteo had a look on his face that reminded David of a child waiting to be praised.

“You didn’t have to,” David opened the book to the first page, “But thank you.” He leaned over and gave Matteo a quick kiss.

Matteo nodded, “It’s just…sometimes you can talk to me better when you’re sketching.”

It surprised David that Matteo would even notice that because it was true. He found that the feel of a pencil or ink or charcoal or paint, really anything, running over smooth paper grounded him. Made him feel more focused.

Leaning over, he grabbed a pencil from the side pocket of his backpack. He took a deep breath and started to draw, letting his thoughts wander and his hand glide over the paper.

“I’m going to go take a piss,” Matteo whispered, leaving the room.

David acknowledged him with a slight nod of his head, before he lost himself in black lines. He felt like he could breath and his frayed nerves starting to heal themselves over.

“So,” Matteo’s voice startled him somewhat.

Shading in a part with his finger, David cleared his throat, “I…I don’t want to turn you off.”

“What do you mean?”

David sighed, “The way I look.”

“The way you look?” David saw the confusion on Matteo’s face. “David, you’re so fucking hot. When we were first just chilling, I was a stuttering dumbass. I couldn’t…I could barely speak to you.”

David stopped sketching and looked up at Matteo, “I’m not built like a…cisgender boy.”

“No, you’re not,” Matteo agreed and David could feel Matteo sliding a little closer. “But you’re you and you’re perfect.” The boy paused for a second and bit his lip. “Can I show you? Can we try something?”

“Yeah,” David nodded. He wasn’t ready to broach the t-shirt topic yet and right now he just really wanted to be with Matteo.

Matteo gently took the sketchbook and pencil from David’s hands and put it on the night table. He leaned in and kissed David and David was content to just make out with his boyfriend for a little while.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Matteo whispered helping David out of the hoodie. David fell a little more in love when he saw Matteo close his eyes, waiting for David to take off his binder and pull his shirt back on.

When he was ready, David leaned in and pressed his lips to Matteo’s, feeling the other boy wind his arm around him and lean him back onto the bed.

“I know we did this once before, but…I want to try again,” Matteo’s eyes met David’s. “I want to…go down on you.”

David’s eyes grew wide, “Umm…”

“We don’t have to, but I love you. _All_ of you. And I want to show you how much,” Matteo kissed his cheek.

Sucking in a breath, David nodded.

As he felt Matteo crawl down his body, he exhaled, reminding himself to relax. He closed his eyes as he felt his boyfriend stop every so often to trail kisses on his way down. Matteo murmured words that David couldn’t make out, but felt the reverberations against his stomach.

Stopping at the waistband of David’s boxers, Matteo kissed each hip before pulling his boxers down. “Tell me if you want me to stop,” Matteo looked up at David.

David nodded, “Okay,” It came out in a breathy whisper.

As soon as his boxers were dropped somewhere on the floor, he watched Matteo lay down between his thighs. The other boy positioned David so his legs rested on Matteo’s shoulders and David could feel his shoulder blades poking his calves. He closed his eyes, just trying not to think about last time when it just felt...sloppy.

He was surprised to feel Matteo’s hands massaging his inner thighs before stroking the skin surrounding his most intimate part. Now this felt nice, but David couldn’t really enjoy himself at what he knew was going to be next. He held his breath, he _did_ want this. Wanted his boyfriend to make him feel good, he just didn’t know if this was the way.

“Relax,” Matteo whispered nuzzling his nose against David’s thigh. His warm breath just barely touching David, but caused him to clench down.

He gasped in surprise when he felt a finger gently push inside of him and then Matteo crooked that finger, pressing up. David knew what he was searching for and tried to tilt his hips, but Matteo’s free hand pressed him back against the mattress.

“Matteo,” he whined desperately. As soon as he felt his boyfriend reach that spot, he felt a tongue lick a firm stripe up. He moaned something high pitched and incoherent, too caught up to care that it was probably embarrassingly loud.

A second finger entered him and another stripe was licked, but this time Matteo didn’t pull away but attached his lips and started to suck _right there_.

“Fuck!” He gasped, feeling his legs tighten. In his foggy mind, he knew he was probably squeezing Matteo’s head between his knees and shakily moved his right leg to the bed, foot flat on the mattress. The movement caused Matteo’s fingers to slid just a little deeper.

David whined when Matteo removed his lips.

“Shh,” Matteo soothed. His free hand gently rubbed soothing circles onto David’s stomach. “You are amazing,” Matteo moaned, “My man.”

His brain short circuited at those words and he watched Matteo lean back down, gasping at the little licks and kisses the boy was now placing everywhere. He felt Matteo lick another stripe up, this time moving to the left of that spot. The boy repeated the motion, this time veering right. He was careful not to touch that part just yet. _Shit_ , this time felt so much different than the first time.

When Matteo added a third finger, David felt tingles flowing through his body, as if someone replaced the blood in his veins with nothing but need and want.

“Matteo!” David cried out as his boyfriend started to thrust his fingers in rapid succession. His lips, once again, attached themselves to David. Grasping the sheets, David knew his boyfriend was intent on sucking and finger-fucking him to an orgasm.

“M-M-Ma-tteo!” He stuttered out as his orgasm built.

He felt Matteo hum low and deep and that was it. It was like a crescendo going through his body. It was white noise as he came, he knew his body was convulsing but he was powerless to stop it. His vision went blank and the only thing he could do was ride it out.

He felt Matteo slowly pump his fingers in and out of him a few more times and his lips stopped sucking to press a kiss there instead. He whined lightly when the fingers were gone, leaving him feeling empty.

“Psscht,” he heard Matteo whisper and saw him grab a tissue to wipe off his fingers. He closed his eyes, letting his body float in a haze.

Somewhere in his mind it registered that Matteo was now running his fingers through his hair and softly talking to him.

“Mmm,” David moaned coming back to reality, reaching for Matteo.

“-love you,” Matteo smiled and stopped speaking when he noticed David becoming more lucid. “You with me?”

David nodded, he felt good, _really_ good. The aftershocks were still tremoring lightly throughout his body. “ _Fuck_ ,” he let out a breathy giggle.

Matteo chuckled, smoothing a hand over David’s quivering stomach, “ How was that?”

“Fuck,” David repeated, trying to get himself back under control. “Fuck.”

He heard Matteo chuckle really close to his ear and he lazily lifted his arm to slap whatever part of Matteo his hand could come into contact with. He missed and met nothing but air, making Matteo laugh even harder.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you come so hard,” Matteo smirked, looking proud of himself and David rolled his eyes, trying not to give his boyfriend any more satisfaction.

“Shut up,” David replied because it was the only thing he could think of with his brain still coming back online.

David felt exhaustion now settle over his blissful haze and sought out Matteo. Rolling over, he wrapped both arms around the boy and buried his head against Matteo’s shoulder. He didn’t know why he was acting so clingy all of a sudden.

“Hmm,” Matteo hummed and David could still hear laughter lacing the sound.

“I love you,” David whispered against warm skin.

He felt two arms wrap around him, one pressing firmly into the small of his back, the other stroking lightly against his shoulder blade. “Love you too.”

————————

The music played softly into his ears as he sketched. He had woken up and couldn’t get back to sleep, his brain seemed like it was making up for lost time due to his orgasm earlier. So, he had pulled out his headphones from his bag, plugged them into his phone and grabbed his new sketchbook and pencil. He turned on his drawing playlist and let himself go.

It had been great, fantastic, and he still felt a little floaty, but vulnerability had crept in and hit him hard and unexpectedly. He felt some embarrassment and shame flood through him because he had enjoyed it so much. He knew, _knew_ it was dysphoria, but it was still difficult to get through. A teeny niggling in the back of his brain kept repeating that he shouldn’t have enjoyed it, shouldn’t have loved Matteo’s fingers inside him so much, shouldn’t have come from Matteo’s mouth and tongue _down there_.

He was trying to remind himself of how Matteo saw him, how Matteo wanted him before the boy ever knew that he was trans. But it just felt like everything was hitting him right then and he couldn’t breathe.

Quietly, he got out of bed, watching his boyfriend sleep for a minute. Matteo was all the way to the edge of the bed, arm hanging off the mattress. His face was half smashed into the pillow and his mouth was slightly ajar. David tried to capture the image in his mind to draw out later.

Turning away, he rummaged through his backpack, reaching to the bottom and grabbing what he was looking for. It was another reminder of his physicality, but he wasn’t going to have a repeat of the night before. He pulled off his shirt and pulled the spandex material over his head and chest before slipping his shirt and the Techno hoodie on. Laura had given it to him about a year prior after he had such bad dysphoria that he wore his binder to sleep. The next morning, he felt awful. So, Laura had went out and bought him a compression sports bra. It was mortifying, but Laura had explained that it would still compress him, just not as much as his binder and it was safer to sleep in. He had muttered a thank you and hid it in his drawer, where it lived for a few months, before David had given it a second thought. He had to admit, when his body dysphoria was really high, Laura’s gift relieved some of the stress when he went to sleep.

He silently left the room, making his way into the kitchen. He wasn’t surprised to see Hans at the kitchen table, a newspaper open in front of him and dark rimmed glasses perched on his nose.

“Ah, David, I was thinking I might see you again,” Hans smiled warmly. “I took the liberty of making you some warm milk,” He gestured towards the mug on the opposite side of the table.

“Umm, thanks,” David took a seat and wrapped his hands around the mug. It was warm and gave him something to do with his hands.

Hans nodded, “I’m sorry you missed dinner. Matteo said you weren’t feeling well.”

“Just tired,” David shrugged, taking in the man’s face. It was weathered with age, wrinkles and laugh lines. He reminded David of warmth.

“Matteo told me you two went to the homomonument in the city center,” Hans stated.

David nodded, “Yeah, it was important to pay our respects, if that’s what you would call it.”

“It’s peaceful there,” Hans commented, closing his newspaper.

“I think it just hit me all at once. Being there and thinking about what the people must have gone through. If I lived back then, I don’t know how I would have lived. Pretending to be someone I’m not. Those people caught up in that…they had their whole life ripped away.” David swallowed down the lump forming in his throat.

“That’s why you can’t waste a moment of yours,” Hans raised an eyebrow, “I told my son the same thing. Live your life for you.”

David half smiled, “Hans, can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Hans smiled back.

“You rented us a room and give us dinner every night and you don’t charge even a fraction of what the hotels are. You could really make a lot of money. So why do you do it?” David asked the one thing that had been nagging at him since they got there.

“Fair question,” Hans stated. “I don’t rent to everyone who contacts me. I don’t charge a lot because that’s not why I do this. I suppose I do it because I like helping people. It gives me someone to talk too. It can get pretty lonely being by yourself all the time. I miss not having a house full of people,” he shrugged.

“I get that,” David finally took a sip of the drink and was pleasantly surprised that it tasted good.

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Hans sat up a little straighter and folded his newspaper.

“I see you’re not tugging at your sweatshirt tonight. Nerves gone?” Hans asked softy.

David looked down for a second before turning his eyes to Hans. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Good,” Hans nodded. “I’m glad you worked whatever out that was causing it.”

“Yeah,” David nodded. “Can I tell you something?”

David watched Hans look surprised for a second before the man nodded his assent.

“I do that…nervous thing because…I’m, well, I…I’m transgender,” David watched Hans’ face for signs of disgust or shock or even shock and disgust. But it never came. The older man sat there for a minute as if he were digesting the information.

“What does that mean, exactly?” Hans asked gently.

“I was born in the body of a girl, but I’m a boy,” David didn’t know why, but there was something about Hans that he trusted.

“Hmm,” Hans looked at David and for a minute he feared he’d made a mistake telling the older man. “That must be really tough for you.”

“It was at first, but it’s gotten a whole lot better,” He shrugged, his fingers playing with the hem of the hoodie.

“Do you need me to do anything for you?” Hans asked.

David was touched by the offer. “No, I just thought you should know since I am living in your home for the next several days.”

Hans smiled, “Thank you for trusting me with this.”

He could tell Hans was waiting to see what he was going to do. A part of him almost excused himself back to the bedroom out of reflex, but he didn’t give in. “Can I ask you something else?”

“Of course,” Hans nodded.

“Your son, you....if he told you he was trans, how would you react?” David’s cheeks went red, as he realized what he’d asked.

Hans thought for a second, “Honestly, I’m not sure. It may take a few days to try to understand it.”

“My...my parents...I don’t live with them anymore,” David whispered, “It was just too much for them, I guess.”

“I’m sorry,” Hans reached over and patted David’s arm, surprising, but not scaring him. It was nice to have someone besides Matteo try and comfort him. “Parents are people, just the same. When my son first came out and said he was gay, I didn’t react well,” Hans paused. “He might as well have told me he was a murderer because my reaction would still be the same, no, it might have even been a little better. I thought it was disgusting. How could one man love another like that?”

“You said your wife’s death changed that,” David asked softly.

Hans nodded, “When two people are in love with each other, it’s really quite obvious. I saw it between you and Matteo the moment you introduced yourselves. His eyes light up when he sees you the same way my son’s do when he sees his partner. To answer your question, I saw my son being held by his partner as he cried over his mom. He just looked so lost and his partner just cared for him. It was really beautiful to witness, even if that was the lowest point in my life.”

“And that changed it for you?”

“It opened my eyes because that was love,” Hans said simply and David sat stricken for a moment.

“I just wish they could love me enough to stop running away from me when it gets hard,” David murmured, looking down at his lap. When he realized he was speaking out loud, he looked at Hans with wide, scared eyes.

Hans nodded, “David, they may not and I think you’ve got to accept that it’s okay if they don’t ever stop because it’s on them, not you.” Hans took a breath, “I could barely speak to my son for ten years and that wasn’t his fault. It was mine. I take all the responsibility for him not having his dad. So your parents could come around, or they may stay like this. But it’s not your fault.”

“I just...they keep telling my sister they want to see me. But I don’t know if _I’m_ ready to see them. And I don’t know why I’m telling you my issues. I’m sorry,” David rolled his lips into his mouth in embarrassment.

“I think sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger. Someone who doesn’t know your entire life,” Hans shrugged.

“I guess,” David sighed.

“Your parent’s might surprise you David. That’s my experience. People can surprise you.”

“Hey. There you are,” A soft voice pulled their attention and David smile softly at his boyfriend.

Matteo’s hair was running wild and he still looked half asleep, limbs heavy and uncoordinated.

“Hey,” David stood up and greeted his boyfriend with a chaste kiss. He laughed quietly when Matteo unceremoniously dropped his head on David’s shoulder and wrapped his arms awkwardly around David.

“Come back to bed,” Matteo whined, not once acknowledging Hans’ presence.

David gently carded his fingers through Matteo’s hair. “You’re not even really awake, are you?”

“Nein,” Matteo grunted. “You, me, bed.”

David chuckled, petting the side of Matteo’s face. Sometimes his boyfriend was just too adorable. “Okay,” He maneuvered them so they could somewhat walk back to the room.

“Goodnight, boys,” Hans smiled.

“Thanks for...” David trailed off with a smile, “And you’re right about surprises,” he nodded his head towards Matteo.

Matteo just grunted out an indecipherable noise in response.

“You really are out of it, aren’t you?” David giggled as they pushed their way into the bedroom, shutting the door behind them and flipping on the light.

“Mmm,” Matteo flopped onto the bed, “Thought you would be too,” He murmured. “Thought I wore you out.” He smirked lazily, eyes closed.

“Hmm,” David laughed, pulling his hoodie and t-shirt off, but intentionally leaving the sports bra on. He may not be ready to deal with his parents or showing Matteo has naked chest, but this was him taking his first step towards dealing with any of it. “Umm, Matteo?”

“Yeah,” Matteo murmured and David could tell he was drifting off again.

“Can you...can you look at me for a second?” David felt his nerves hit him. He didn’t have a baggy t-shirt or hoodie to hide behind. Didn’t have his binder making everything flat. This was the closest to baring himself that he could get at the moment.

He watched as Matteo rolled over and slowly opened his eyes.

“So, uh...” David felt like he should say something, but didn’t know what.

Matteo sat up and David could feel his eyes on him. He resisted the urge to pull Matteo’s hoodie back over his head.

“What? Am I missing something here?”

“What?” David asked.

“What am I supposed to be seeing?” Matteo asked in confusion.

David didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry. “Uh,” he gestured to his chest.

“I don’t get it,” Matteo held up his hands.

“Do you notice anything...umm...not flat?” David didn’t know how else to say it.

David saw it finally dawn on his boyfriend. “Oh! Hmmm. I like you in black better,” Matteo shrugged, looking at the white material, “You look amazingly okay in black....My boyfriend does too. You should meet him, my amazingly okay boyfriend.”

“Amazingly okay? He sounds amazingly amazing,” David laughed, feeling tears spring to his eyes.

“He’s not bad if you’re into a great smile and beautiful eyes,” Matteo playfully rolled his eyes.

David took in a breath, once again wondering how this guy came into his life and became _his_. “You think my eyes are beautiful?”

“I think everything about you is beautiful,” Matteo said honestly. “Even when you become a snobby fucking asshole about my movie choices. And when you _won’t. come. to. bed._ ”

David reminded himself to breathe and crawled in next to Matteo. He felt the need to be close to him and pillowed his head on the boy’s chest. “I love you.”

He felt Matteo’s arms curl around him, hugging him. “I guess I something or other you too.”

(David's sketch of Matteo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: references to suicidal thoughts, MAJOR body dysphoria, depression, mental health
> 
> So sorry this took so long, but it's over 6,000 words and 17 pages long.
> 
> Also, the Lavender Scare is a real documentary: https://www.thelavenderscare.com/  
> Homomonument is a real place: https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/homomonument


	5. Last Day in Amsterdam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! Enjoy David and Matteo's last few days in Amsterdam.
> 
> Find the playlist here: http://bit.ly/DavidMatteoPlaylist (New song this chapter!)

****

**Dear insecurity**  
**When you gonna take your hands off me?**  
**When you ever gonna let me be**  
**Proud of who I am?**  
**Oh insecurity**  
**It's time I make you take your hands off me**  
**Set me free, I'm gonna let you see**  
**I'm proud of who I am**  
**Just the way I am**  
**I'm proud of who I am ~ _Dear Insecurity_ by Gnash (feat. Ben Abraham)**

David was both looking forward to and dreading the week coming to an end. After his initial bout with dysphoria at the beginning of the week, it had improved greatly. And he was happy to start feeling like himself again.

He and Matteo had explored the city together, trying new foods and just doing all the things that couples did. All the things he wished he would be able to do one day. He knew it was silly, but it was nice just having someone there to share the excitement of something new with. He had lost track of the number of times he turned to Matteo to point something out.

Laughing, he watched Matteo being spun around the dance floor by a drag queen, his boyfriend doing his best to keep up with his dance partner.

Taking another sip from his drink, he smiled at the life filling the club. He and Matteo weren’t into the club scene, and probably wouldn’t step foot into another one, but he had to admit it had been a really fun night. They had started off simply bar hopping before Matteo had wandered over to where colorful lights and music flowed out of an open door. After showing their ID’s at the door, they made their way into a sea of dancing bodies.

As soon as they ordered a beer, Matteo had been approached by Ms. Ivanna Zuigen, a young drag queen with flowing light pink curls and draped in white fur, sequence, crystals and pearls. Her heels made her taller than Matteo. David definitely found her attractive and couldn’t help the small thrill he got from watching her and Matteo dancing together. He saw Matteo laugh with a goofy grin when he tried to follow her lead on doing some sexy move. It was clear she knew sexy and his boyfriend just looked awkwardly adorable.

When the song faded into another one, he saw Ms. Ivanna kiss Matteo’s cheek and he could tell his boyfriend’s face had gone pink. He giggled when Matteo finally made his way back over to the bar. The boy looking slightly dazed with just the faintest hint of lipstick on his cheek.

“You looked like you had fun out there,” David grinned.

Matteo laughed, “That was fun. She told me her real name is Noah and he just finished high school like us and is going to university in the fall. His cousin owns this place and lets him perform in drag shows.”

“You learned that much in one dance?” David was slightly impressed.

“Hey! I’ve got game. I can flirt,” Matteo protested, taking his beer back from David.

“Oh please,” David shouted over the music. “The first time you talked to me you offered to get me high. The second time you stared at me on a bus and then offered to get me high. The-“

Matteo used his free hand to cover David’s mouth, “Okay. But I’m still a good flirt.”

“Well, Mr. Florenzi dazzle me,” David giggled, removing his boyfriend’s hand.

“I’d rather dance with you,” Matteo smiled brightly and downing the rest of his beer before setting the empty bottle on the bar. He took David’s from him, placing the bottle next to the empty one.

David felt giddy inside as Matteo took him by the hand, pulling him onto the dance floor. It felt like the Abiball, only they weren’t covered in paint and David felt like he could be more of himself here. And he knew Matteo did too by the way the other boy was holding him around the waist and grinding into him.

“Why don’t we do this more often?” Matteo whisper-shouted into David’s ear and David chuckled, his boyfriend wasn’t drunk but he wasn’t sober either.

“Because, we’re lazy,” David shrugged grinding back against the other boy. “And we don’t want to pay a ridiculous door fee.”

Matteo laughed, “Or maybe because there are more fun things to do than dance.”

“Like what?” David leaned his forehead against Matteo’s and closed his eyes. He liked this side of Matteo. He was carefree, laughing, smiling. It was nice.

“Oh, like…” David felt Matteo freeze and stop talking. When he opened his eyes, he saw that the other boy looked surprised and little bit freaked out. David stepped back and was just about to ask what was wrong when he spotted another man’s hands on Matteo’s hips from behind.

“Hey!” David shouted in English, figuring it was the most universal language, “Hands off my boyfriend,” He grabbed Matteo’s hand and roughly pulled him out of the man’s hold.

“Oh come on, Sugar, it’s not polite not to share,” the man said in English back. His accent thick. “Your boyfriend’s hot.”

David saw Matteo shake his head out of his daze, “I also belong to _him_. Fuck off.”

“We could have some fun…” The man tried again and David felt the urge to punch him. He had never hit anyone in his life and wasn’t into violence, but this man _needed_ to stop.

“He said no,” David interrupted, stepping in front of Matteo. “Now, I believe he asked you to _fuck. off._ ”

The man rolled his eyes and muttered something in a language that David couldn’t understand. He didn’t care.

“You okay?” David turned to face his boyfriend. He still felt adrenaline coursing through him.

Matteo looked a little shaken and David grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together.

“Matteo?” David tried again, feeling a little bit of worry.

“That was… _fuck_ ,” Matteo said in awe, “That was so fucking hot.”

David narrowed his eyes, confused by Matteo. “What? That guy?”

“No, dummy, _you_!” Matteo exclaimed. “I just…you...fuck David. The way you just took that guy on…”

“You want to get out of here?” David asked, just wanting to get Matteo back to Hans’ and fall asleep with him.

Matteo nodded, and David felt his hand being squeezed as he led them out of the club and into the night air. He smiled when Matteo pulled him in close and gently kissed him.

“My badass boyfriend,” Matteo chuckled.

“Well, no one messes with my boyfriend,” David shrugged.

David watched Matteo frown, “But why was he messing with me in the first place?”

“Are you kidding?” David asked. “You’re cute.”

He knew that his boyfriend wasn’t used to being looked at by other men, didn’t notice the way women looked at him. Matteo was magnetic. People just gravitated towards him despite the fact that he could get moody, push people away, and sometimes had anger issues. David knew that Jonas, Amira, Hans, Abdi, Carlos, Hanna, Mia, and even Kiki and Sam would do anything for Matteo. David also knew that the reason the Abi-Chaker crew even wanted to help him after he had been outed was because Matteo cared about him. Yeah, they were friends now, but Matteo had been the one that connected them together. Matteo had opened his world up and David had shared parts of himself with the other boy he hadn’t with anyone else. Matteo knew almost all of him, all of his secrets and it both terrified and comforted him.

David also felt he had a pretty good grasp on Matteo. It surprised him how much he had already learned about the boy in the few short months they had been dating. And he was looking forward to learning more about his boyfriend over the upcoming weeks and beyond.

“I love you,” Matteo smiled.

David giggled, “I would have never guessed.”

“Shut up and kiss me,” Matteo demanded and David couldn’t help but give in.

“Want to get a car back?” David asked as he pulled away, not wanting to have to sit on the Metro for an hour.

Matteo nodded.

————————

They shut the front door with a quiet click in case Hans was sleeping, both exhausted but happy. They crept through the living room and down the hall to their room, both undressing quickly before crawling under the blankets.

They kissed softly and Matteo’s hand wandered up David’s t-shirt, his thumb caressing the soft skin of his hip. They did little more than make out for a little while, both content on keeping things the way they were. David didn’t feel the need to take things further, cupping Matteo’s face in his hands to draw the boy’s lips back against his own.

“Tomorrow, or technically today, I guess, is our last day here,” David whispered as the kisses slowed and they laid there, holding each other.

Matteo nodded, rubbing their noses together, “It is.”

“We should do something nice for Hans,” David suggested.

Matteo signed, eyes closed. “Like what?”

“Make him dinner. He’s been so nice to do it for us all week.”

“Pasta a Luigi it is,” Matteo yawned, “We’ll get the groceries tomorrow.”

David nodded, moving his hand to rub up and down Matteo’s bare back. He knew this usually put his boyfriend to sleep within minutes, and tonight was no different. Within seconds Matteo’s breathing had evened out and his body went lax.

“Love you,” David smiled, kissing his forehead before sliding out of bed and grabbing the ever present Techno hoodie from the chair in the corner of the room. He had been wearing it all week and knew it probably needed to be washed, but he wasn’t ready to part with it quite yet, even if it was only for a couple hours.

Once he was adequately dressed, he quietly left the room and walked into the kitchen, he smiled when he saw Hans sitting at the table.

“I thought you were asleep,” David commented, grabbing two mugs from the shelf and grabbing the milk from the fridge, filling both up. Their nightly chats had become routine over the week. David liked having someone to talk to and he hoped Hans felt the same way.

“How was your day?” David asked, taking a seat as they waited for the stove to warm the milk.

Hans nodded, “I got to work in my garden a bit. Went to lunch with my sister-in-law.”

“Sounds nice,” David nodded back. “Matteo finally talked me into going a gay club.”

“Really?” Hans chuckled and David laughed with him. He had told Hans earlier in the week about Matteo’s new found desire to go to a gay club. “We didn’t wake you when we came in, did we?”

“No, I was up doing some reading,” Hans smiled. “Did you have fun?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” David admitted. “Some guy got a little handsy with Matteo, but other than that, it was fun being out with him.”

“Is he okay?” Hans asked in concern.

“Yeah. It startled him. I don’t think he was expecting another guy to hit on him so openly and it kind of freaked him out for a second,” David explained with a shrug.

Hans nodded. “So, tomorrow is your last day. I must say this week has flown by,” he stated, changing the subject.

“Yeah,” David shrugged.

“You don’t sound too excited,” Hans noted.

David sighed, “It’s just, this place has sort of come to feel like home. I don’t know if I’m ready to leave yet.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that, but you should be excited. You and the one you love on the road together.”

David half smiled, “We want to do something for you. We’re going to make dinner for you tomorrow, if that’s alright. Or, rather, Matteo’s going to cook the one dish he knows how to make that _isn’t_ a sandwich.”

“Why do I feel like there’s a story behind that?” Hans laughed.

David rolled his eyes playfully, standing up to get their milk. He added a few drops of honey and brought both mugs back to the table.

“The first time we hung out at his place, he made us these sandwiches…and I already had a crush on him, that I just kept saying yes to everything he suggested putting on it. We ended up having cheese, ketchup, mustard, pickles, and whipped cream sandwiches. There were probably a few other ingredients on them, too. I don’t remember. I just try to kind of block out the taste.”

“Well, that certainly sounds interesting,” Hans nodded.

“He still eats sandwiches like that. Puts whipped cream on them with other random stuff he finds in his fridge,” David laughed to himself. “He even made this ridiculous Instagram video showing how he makes them.”

“I’m sure you’ve watched it several times,” Hans joked.

David smirked, “I have the video saved on my phone.”

“Of course you do,” Hans smiled.

“Do you want to see?” David asked, taking his phone out of his hoodie pocket and pulling up the video.

He watched as Hans chuckled at his boyfriend’s antics and cringe at the whipped cream.

When the video ended, David couldn’t quite read Hans’ face.

“And it’s safe to eat his cooking?” Hans laughed.

David chuckled, “As long as it’s not a sandwich.”

“Hmm. Well he’s certainly got an interesting taste pallet,” Hans shook his head. “But you two don’t need to do anything for me.”

“We want to. Matteo’s going to make you his _famous_ Pasta a Luigi. His friends love it,” David shrugged.

Hans chuckled, “And you?”

“I’ve had it more times than I can count. He’ll make it for breakfast if there isn’t anything else. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve woken up to him with a huge bowl of it on his lap and him playing on his phone. But it _is_ good,” David took a sip of his drink.

“Well, okay. I’m looking forward to it, then,” Hans stated and David smiled. “You’re off to Detroit on Saturday?”

“Yeah,” David nodded. “That’s the plan.”

Hans nodded too, “I have a friend who’s heading that way. She can take you a couple hours out, if you want.”

“That would be great,” It hit David that he’d only have one more night of talking to this man before they were gone. He didn’t know if he was ready to give it up yet. He liked having an objective ear.

David cleared his throat, “So, I’m thinking about seeing my parents.”

“Is that a good thing?” Hans asked.

“Maybe. I don’t know,” David shrugged. “Might as well try, though.”

Hans reached over and patted David’s shoulder, “There’s no rush.”

“I know,” David had been thinking about it ever since he had blurted it out at the beginning of their stay with Hans. And now that he was in a much better headspace, he realized that he did want to try with them. He just didn’t know if trying meant when they go back, or in six months, or even a year from now. “But don’t I owe it to them?”

“David, can I ask you something? I don’t want to offend you,” David felt his stomach drop for a second. Usually when someone said something like that, they went on to ask really inappropriate questions about his anatomy or some aspect of his personal life that they weren’t entitled to. He hoped that Hans wasn’t going to ask something like that.

“Uh, sure.” David replied tentatively.

David watched as Hans tried to smile reassuringly. “We’ve spoken all week and one thing I noticed about you is that you tend to try justify how people treat you. Why?”

“I...” David didn’t know what to say. He had done that, but only because he felt like he should try and take some of the blame. At sixteen and seventeen, when kids were finding themselves, experimenting, finding first loves, he was focused on transitioning. A first kiss, first love, first time just felt so far away. His reality was trying to get through the day unnoticed, trying not to give teachers reasons to call on him because he knew he’d be called his birth name. He’d try not to have to use the bathroom, not wanting to get harassed by the other students, some who would camp outside the door and just wait for him to come out.

“I don’t know,” David answered honestly. “I guess I don’t want to make anyone...uncomfortable around me,” he answered lamely.

Hans nodded, “David, from what I’ve seen, you are a remarkable young man. You’ve been through a lot, _people_ have put you through a lot. And yet, you still trust and care about others.”

Blushing, David took another sip from his mug to hide his face for a second.

“Do you believe in fate?” David asked, realizing it must come across as an out of the blue question.

Hans looked perplexed for a second and David was about to change the subject, when the older man spoke.

“I suppose I do. I believe there are certain people who are meant to come into our lives. I believe that nothing is of coincidence. Do you?”

“I didn’t think I did,” David answered honestly, but he was starting to change on that and it scared him. He had told Matteo once that fate meant not being in control, and he still believed that, but lately it was feeling like he had no control anyways. “I don’t like the idea that I’m not in control…I haven’t had control over many things in my life.”

That was true. He didn’t have control over his anatomy. He didn’t have control over who he was attracted to. He didn’t have control over what his parents did. He didn’t have control over being outed or deciding who got to know about him. And that was the most devastating part to him. Wasn’t he supposed to be the one to decide those things? Who knew? How? When? And now he was quoting _Love, Simon_. _Fuck._

“I’m sure,” Hans agreed gently.

“But, now? I don’t know. I think it’s nice to believe that you’re meant to meet someone. Out of anywhere I could have transferred schools, I go to the same school as Matteo. Our lockers were also really close to each other, so we were bound to see one another at some point,” David remarked. “Was that fate? Or was that just nothing?”

“David, sometimes it might be best to just accept that things happened. You can drive yourself crazy if you don’t,” Hans nodded. “For being only nineteen, you carry a lot on your shoulders.”

“Eighteen,” David said in embarrassment. “I’m eighteen.”

“Even younger than I thought,” Hans snorted. “My point is that you shouldn’t do that to yourself. After she died, I kept trying to replay different scenarios in my head, what if I did something differently, what if she did something differently, what if we did this instead of that. But you can’t live like that.”

“I know,” David nodded and paused for a second. He was done with thinking about that for the night. “I’m, um, I’m really going to miss you, Hans.”

Hans smiled gently, “I’m going to miss you too, my young friend.”

“I, umm, I’d like to keep in contact, if that’s okay?” David asked.

“Of course,” Hans nodded, “Only if you want to keep in touch with an old man.”

David smiled, “I want to keep in touch with my friend.”

“I’m glad I could be of some help to you.”

“You’ve helped me more than most people. You actually listened to me,” David nodded. “I’m…I really needed that this week, and I wasn’t ready to talk to Matteo about this stuff.” David picked up his phone. “I should get back to bed.”

“Yes,” Hans nodded, “Goodnight, David.”

—————————

David loved watching Matteo cook his pasta. The boy was always so focused on the task at hand.

“Hand me an onion,” Matteo asked as he stirred the sauce and checked on the noodles.

David plucked a purple one out of the grocery bag, handing it to Matteo.

“No, the yellow one. The red one is for the salads,” Matteo handed it back.

Chuckling, David sifted through the bag to find a yellow onion. He watched as Matte chopped it up, throwing it into the sauce before taste testing it.

“Hand me the parsley and basil, they’re the leafy things in there.”

David did as he was told, once again infatuated with Matteo folding in just the right amount of spice into the sauce.

“How can someone who thinks whipped cream and ketchup taste good together, also know how to make a perfect pasta sauce?” David wondered out loud with a chuckle, playfully kissing Matteo’s shoulder.

“It’s a talent, my friend,” Matteo laughed. “And ketchup and whipped cream is the best. Sweet and tangy.”

“Gross and vomit more like it,” David smirked, watching Matteo put the lid back on the sauce.

“I didn’t hear you complaining when you ate it the first time we chilled,” Matteo smiled.

David rolled his eyes, “Temporary insanity, I suppose.”

“Oh, is that what we’re calling it? I thought it was the fact that you found me irresistible and wanted to impress me,” Matteo chuckled moving them away from the stove and into the middle of the kitchen. He walked behind David to set the timer.

“Or maybe I was just high and hungry. I blame the weed on that lapse of judgment,” David giggled. He almost howled in laughter when Matteo wrapped both arms around him from behind and started to tickle up his sides and his stomach.

“Stop!” David squealed. “Stop! I give! I give!”

“Give what?” He felt Matteo’s fingers start up again. “Say it. Say those sandwiches were amazing.”

“Nein,” David protested. “Nein.”

“Okay,” He heard Matteo breath into his ear before a tongue plunged into his ear.

“Okay! Those sandwiches were amazing! Best sandwiches ever!” David laughed, feeling relief when the wetness was gone from his ear.

Matteo shrugged, as if nothing happened and David shook his head. “That’s what I thought.”

“Oh really?” David sassed back.

“Really,” Matteo smirked and David knew he was done for. “Come here,” He felt himself tugged into Matteo’s arms. “Kiss me.”

“Nein. You think I’m going to kiss you after that,” David protested, sealing his lips shut.

Matteo chuckled, “I think you will.”

David felt Matteo’s lips press against his, and fought the desire to melt into it for as long as he could. Which, admittedly, wasn’t very long. They kissed languidly for a while before David felt Matteo’s arms tighten around him and suddenly, he was lifted off the ground.

“What the —“

“I’ve got you now, Schreibner.” Matteo smiled and David could only shake his head with a smile.

“I guess you do, _Florenzi_. What are you going to do about it?” David raised an eyebrow.

Matteo chuckled, “I —“

“Oh! Sorry boys!” Hans’ voice filtered through the kitchen, and David felt himself immediately dropped to the floor. Matteo retreating back to the stove.

“Hi Hans!” David greeted. “We’re just making dinner now.”

“Should be done in twenty minutes or so,” Matteo stated.

“Looking forward to it,” Hans nodded and excused himself from the kitchen.

“I’m going to miss him,” David commented turning to try and help Matteo with whatever needed to be done.

Matteo nodded, “You sneak out of bed every night to talk to him.”

“You noticed?” David asked.

“After our second night here when I found you in the kitchen,” Matteo turned to face him. “You’re not as quiet as you think you are.”

David nodded, “I just needed someone to talk to.”

“You can talk to me,” Matteo shrugged.

“I know,” David reached out to lightly touch Matteo’s arm, “But I just…I needed some perspective from someone who doesn’t really know me.”

Matteo nodded but David could see he was upset. He understood. If the roles had been reversed, he’d probably be hurt if Matteo was talking to someone else and not him. But he needed that. He needed it for himself.

“I will tell you, soon.” David promised, and he knew he would. “I just need to work through some stuff on my own. But I promise, I’m going to tell you, okay?”

“Okay,” Matteo whispered and David felt himself being pulled into a hug. “Just…if you need me…don’t run away from me, okay? Not physically. Not mentally.”

“Okay,” David agreed, kissing the side of Matteo’s head.

“Okay,” Matteo repeated, pulling away much to David’s dismay. “I think the noodles are done.”

————————

“Well, Matteo, David was right. This was really good. Where’d you learn to cook that good?” Hans set his napkin down on the table.

David smiled at his boyfriend, who was both embarrassed and preening at the praise.

“I’m half Italian, so I picked up a few things. If you don’t know how to make pasta, you have no business being a Florenzi,” Matteo laughed, but David could tell it was partly strained. The other boy hated talking about anything related to his father, or his parents for that matter. All David knew was that his father now lived in Italy and his mother was doing well on her meds. Other than that, his parents were kind of an off limits topic. Same as David’s own parent’s.

“Well, my complements the chef,” Hans chuckled. “So, did you two enjoy your time in Amsterdam?”

“Yeah, I’m really glad we came here,” David nodded.

He watched as Matteo nodded too, “It was great to be out of Moabit.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” David watched Hans smile at the same time Matteo let out a yawn. “Why don’t you boys head to bed? I’ll clean up here.” Hans grabbed up their glasses and his own plate bringing them up to the sink.

“Why don’t you go ahead? I’ll help Hans,” David suggested, wanting one last conversation with the man.

Matteo nodded, “Don’t be too long.” With that David felt Matteo press a kiss to the top of his head and move from the room.

Collecting his and Matteo’s plates, he brought them to the sink and joined Hans.

“Not tired?” Hans asked as soon as David was next to him.

David shook his head. “Thank you for letting us stay here.”

“It was my pleasure,” Hans nodded.

“I guess…I just wanted to see if you had any other advice for me before we leave in the morning,” David asked shyly.

Hans stopped washing and dried his hands on a towel hanging next to the sink, “I think I do. Be happy, David. Let yourself be happy. And talk to Matteo about your fears. Let him carry some of your weight.”

“So, nothing too hard, right?” David snorted humorlessly.

“It can just be that simple,” Hans stated.

David nodded.

“Oh, and I wanted to give you this,” David was surprised when Hans placed an envelope in his hand. “Now off to bed with you. You’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

“I guess this is goodbye then,” David frowned. Hans had already explained he wouldn’t be able to see them off in the morning, making David feel slightly gutted.

Hans smiled, but David thought he saw a hint of a tear in his eye, “I guess it is.”

Without thinking, David threw his arms around the older man. “Thank you, Hans.”

“Thank you, David.”

————————

David sighed sadly, placing the keys Hans had given them at the beginning of the week on the kitchen table.

“This is it,” Matteo smiled, hoisting his backpack a little higher.

“Yeah,” David took a deep breath before remembering the envelope Hans had given him the night before. He had shoved it in his backpack as soon as he got back to the bedroom before joining Matteo in bed. “Hold on, Hans gave me something last night.”

“Oh?” Matteo asked.

“Mmhmm,” David took off his backpack and pulled the envelope from the side pocket. Ripping it open, David was shocked to see it was the Euros they had paid Hans at the beginning of the week. There was a note: **You have been pretty lucky in love though, if I may say so.**

David chuckled to himself, wiping his eye, handing the envelope to Matteo. He pulled a drawing of an hour glass out of his pocket, placing it on the table with the message: **Time to turn it over**.

“Ready?” Matteo asked, holding his hand out.

Grabbing onto Matteo’s hand, David nodded, “Let’s go to Detroit.”

(David's drawing for Hans)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You have been pretty luck in love though, if I may say so" and "Time to turn it over" are both quotes from _Only Lovers Left Alive._
> 
> Ms. Ivanna Zuigen = Ms. Ivanna Suck --> if you're interested in what she looks like, I'm posting a picture on my TUMBLR: http://bit.ly/IvannaZuigen


	6. The Road to Detroit

****

**I have loved you since we were 18  
** **Long before we both thought the same thing**  
**To be loved and to be in love**  
**And all I can do is say that these arms are made for holding you, ooh**  
**And I wanna love like you made me feel**  
**When we were 18 ~ _18_ by One Direction**

——-

Matteo grunted as he put up the tent that Hanna had told them was “so easy” to set up. He shook his head as David looked at the blue material in confusion. _Easy his ass_. It didn’t help the the situation that David wasn’t really helping, instead using the time to laugh and take pictures of Matteo’s attempt.

“You better not post those online,” Matteo warmed.

“Of course not. These are for my own, personal amusement,” He could hear David giggle even harder when half of the tent collapsed into itself. Grunting, Matteo once again tried to mess with it to get the the tent to stay up on all sides.

They had gotten a little more than halfway to Detroit before it started to get late and they both were exhausted. Matteo had stood next to a fence with a sign reading Le Detroit for a couple hours while David tried to hitch them a ride. When nothing happened, they decided to call it for the night. After consulting the internet, they discovered a campsite not too far from them and paid the small entrance fee.

At this point, he kind of wished they had taken up Hans’ friends offer to go to Paris, but he knew David really wanted to go to Detroit, even if it wasn’t necessarily _the_ Detroit from the movie. It was _a_ city named Detroit.

They didn’t really have much of a plan once they got there, except that they were going to spend three days there. They wanted to go to as many places as they could before it was time to head home so David could start university and do his film school application stuff.

“Do you think I’m making a mistake?” Matteo blurted, finally getting the tent to stand up on its own.

“Nah, it looks okay. If it collapses on me in the middle of the night, though...” David trailed off with a laugh, busy tying the tent to a stake in the ground.

Matteo shook his head, “No, about university?”

“Do you think you’re making a mistake?” Matteo groaned, he knew Laura did this to David and now David was doing it to him.

“No. But shouldn’t I go?” Matteo shrugged. Isn’t that what kids did? Go to high school, go to college, get a job? You’re going.”

Matteo watched David tug on the rope connecting the tent to the ground. “I’m going because I want to go, not because I _should_ go.”

“Hm,” Matteo nodded.

“It’s fine, Matteo. Nothing wrong with doing a gap year.”

“Okay,” Matteo nodded. He didn’t necessarily feel better about his choice, more like relaxed or validated. If David didn’t think he was making a mistake and he didn’t, then it was good.

“Okay,” David agreed and Matteo saw him take a step back, “What do you think?”

Matteo chuckled. The tent was slightly lopsided, and smaller than he thought. But it was standing and looked fairly sturdy. “I’m thinking how are you and me both going to fit in that thing.”

“Yeah. It’s a far cry from the bed at Hans’,” Matteo could hear a hint of sadness in David’s voice. It did bother him that his boyfriend had entrusted a stranger over him. He hated this _secret_ shit. Hated hushed conversations. It always reminded him of his dad and how everything was so secretive before the man was just gone.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” Matteo didn’t mean to say it quite like that or even at all.

“What do you want to talk about?” Matteo watched as David typed on his phone, and he had a feeling his boyfriend was not really listening.

Matteo shook his head, feeling frustration and a little anger run through him. He didn’t blame David for talking to Hans, but he wanted it to be _him_. _He’s_ David’s boyfriend.

“Nothing,” Matteo answered and took a few steps away from their campsite. He was working on his anger and for the most part he was in a good place. Except with this relationship stuff. He had never had a true relationship before David. And he didn’t consider Sara a _real_ relationship, after all he put her through. He still felt horrible about the way he used her.

Kicking a branch that was laying on the ground, he knew he didn’t want to argue with David over this. But he was just so sick of feeling left out of his own life. His best friend, who didn’t even go to the abi prank meeting, had somehow ended up leading the abiball paint surprise without even telling him. He wasn’t included in the Jonas-Abdi, and sometimes Carlos, abi study sessions. He didn’t know Hans had found a roommate replacement for Mia until Hans texted the WG group about it. And he didn’t know what the fuck was going on inside his boyfriend’s head.

Maybe they should have just spent the summer in Berlin, switching between the WG and Laura’s. Maybe they should have taken it slow. Gotten used to being in a relationship before they went on an entire summer trip together. It had been very recent since they decided to officially call themselves boyfriends. Maybe that should have been enough for now.

“Hey,” Matteo felt a hand on his elbow. “Matteo.”

Matteo closed his eyes for a second and took a breath.

“Are you going to talk to me?”

“Isn’t that my line to you?” Matteo knew he was being petty, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t like the fact that another man knew more about David than him.

“What?” David’s voice was full of confusion. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing,” Matteo shrugged, finally turning to face his boyfriend. “Maybe this trip was a mistake.”

Matteo could see his words had hit David.

“What? Why?” David’s face was full of hurt and Matteo hated that he had caused it.

“Maybe we should just go home,” Matteo shrugged again.

“No,” David’s voice was upset, “Tell me what happened?”

Matteo took a deep breath, heading back to the campsite and climbing into the tent. If they were going to do this, then he didn’t want it to be in the middle of a camping ground. Even though the tent provided more of an illusion of privacy than actual privacy, he figured at least it was something.

A few seconds later David joined him. Sitting close but not touching.

“I love you, David,” Matteo stated because he wanted David to know that, first and foremost. “I’m in love with you.”

“I love you too,” Matteo could tell the boy wanted to reach out and touch him, but refrained from doing so.

“I just…why don’t you trust me?” Matteo asked quietly. “I really tried to let it go, but I can’t. And you want me to talk to you about this stuff. So, this is me telling you that I’m upset.”

David frowned, “What are you talking about? I do trust you. I’ve trusted you with things that I’ve never told anyone else. Things I’ve never showed anyone else.”

“Hans?” Matteo questioned. He felt so stupid for even bringing this up, but it had been eating at him all week. Every time he felt the bed dip and David slip out of the room, he felt a pang in his chest that told him that he wasn’t enough. That Matteo wasn’t enough to comfort David. To help David.

“Is that what this is about?” David asked incredulously, adding to Matteo’s shame.

“Well…yeah,” Matteo nodded, feeling sheepish.

He watched as David took a deep breath and exhaled, reaching out. Matteo felt his hand being grasped. “I needed perspective from someone who wasn’t involved in my life, okay? I needed a friend, just like you have Jonas.” There was silence for a few seconds. “I told you I didn’t have any friends at my old school and when I transferred, all of your friends suddenly became my friends. I needed someone who didn’t have a history with you. Who didn’t just think of me as _their friend Matteo’s boyfriend_.”

Matteo nodded, squeezing David’s hand. “I get that. I just…wish you felt you could come to me.”

“I do, and I will,” David promised. “Just give me some more time.”

“I’m trying,” Matteo looked down at the tent floor. “I just hate that you can trust Hans with this and not me.”

Matteo felt David blanche at his words. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. Okay? It’s not about that. You and my sister are pretty much the only two people I can trust completely, and you even more than her.”

“I just...maybe we’re going too fast. Maybe this trip was a mistake,” Matteo shrugged. He felt a lump in his throat as he said those words, but maybe they were true. Maybe David needed time and space and not to be crowded by Matteo.

“You can’t be serious,” David’s voice was slightly hoarse with emotion.

Matteo rubbed his cheek, “No, yes, I don’t know. I don’t want you to feel like you _have_ to be with me.”

“So, what? Are we breaking up?”

Matteo felt like someone had dunked him in ice water. That’s the very last thing he’d ever want. He wanted David. _Shit_ , he wanted him more than anything.

“No!” Matteo finally answered. “Don’t be dumb.”

“Dumb? You’re the one saying we’re going too fast, that this trip was a mistake,” David was angry.

“I just want to be part of your life,” Matteo admitted. He could swear David’s expression softened.

“You are. So much so that it scares me sometimes,” He felt David move closer. “I just need you to trust that I will talk to you,” Matteo nodded as David’s eyes caught his. “But Matteo, I will not feel bad about talking to Hans or doing what _I_ need to do to deal. Okay?”

“Okay,” Matteo nodded.

“Do you...do you really think this is a mistake?”

Shaking his head, Matteo reached his hand and tentatively brushed David’s cheek with his knuckles. “I just....are things supposed to go this fast?”

He watched David shrug, “We know we want to be with each other.”

“Yeah,” He stayed silent for a moment. “But still...”

“Laura asked me the same thing,” David stated and Matteo felt himself jerk slightly at that.

“She did?”

He could see David nod and pick at his pants out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah. It was right after we slept together for the first time. When you went home, she asked me what was happening between us. When I told her we loved each other, she kind of...I don’t know...thought it was a little too sudden.” David explained.

Matteo nodded, “Have you ever...been in a relationship before me?”

“No,” David shrugged.

Matteo nodded again, “I don’t want to fuck this up.”

“I don’t either,” David whispered.

“Listen...I’m sorry for...” Matteo trailed off.

“Me too. For not realizing you were hurting.”

Matteo shrugged. “You’ve got so much on you right now. I shouldn’t be another thing on that pile.”

“Well that’s a stupid thing to say,” David shook his head. “Your well-being, _you_...are always going to factor into my life. But maybe you and Laura are right. Maybe we did go a little fast. But I want to be with you.”

Matteo nodded, “I want to be with you, too.”

“So what do we do?”

“Take it slow?” Matteo suggested. “Get to know each other?”

He watched David nod, “Not too slow, though. I don’t think I want to give up sex.”

“Fuck no!” Matteo exclaimed, smiling along as David giggled. Sex with David was fun, exciting, and felt so fucking good. But it was also the most intimate and connected he’d ever felt to another person. No matter what they did in bed, no matter if they laughed their way through or ripped off clothes, unable to get enough of each other, he always felt so connected to the other boy. It surprised him how close he felt to David after their first time. So much so that it felt almost physically painful to leave the apartment and go back to the WG.

And there was also the fact that David was just sexy. Matteo couldn’t count how many times he got turned on by watching David just _be_. The tilt of his head, the way he ran his hand through his hair, the way he would get so drawn into a sketch.

David made him feel safe, secure, loved. He made him feel taken care of. And Matteo wouldn’t admit it out loud, but it felt nice to have someone take care of him. Shit, David had even hidden his weed during the week leading up to his Spanish re-exam. It drove Matteo insane not being able to light up a joint with his nerves so on edge, but David had insisted that Matteo needed a “clear” head to study. But all in all, despite not being able to smoke, it was still nice to have someone care.

“Are we okay?” Matteo could hear slight apprehension in his boyfriend’s voice.

Matteo nodded, “Just…don’t run away?”

“If you promise not to shut down on me,” David nodded back. “You and me, we’re good at that. Running away and shutting down.”

“Let’s stop doing that,” Matteo suggested.

David smiled, “So, step one in taking it slow, no more running away, no more shutting down.”

“No more running away. No more shutting down,” Matteo repeated in agreement. “Kiss on it?” He smirked watching David roll his eyes.

“If I must,” David laughed and Matteo leaned in to press his lips against His boyfriend’s.

———————

By the time the last of the daylight had disappeared, Matteo was ready to be in that tent with David, shutting the whole world out.

They had eaten dinner at a small diner about a half a mile up the road, both not quite sure exactly what they were ordering. They tried to get an explanation from the waitress, but she only spoke broken English. The food was decent, though, if not a little overly priced.

On the walk back, the sun was just starting to set, painting the sky reds and oranges. Matteo thought someone who was into that stuff could call it romantic. Chuckling to himself, he had kicked the bottom of his boyfriend’s foot as he slowed his pace to walk behind David.

“Attack!” Matteo laughed running to tackle David from behind.

“Fuck you!” David laughed too, gripping Matteo’s hands that were around his stomach. Matteo noted that the boy made no attempt to remove his hands, but instead seemed to pull him tighter. It made him smile.

They stumbled as they took a few steps.

“Okay, this is not working,” David chuckled as he tripped again, almost falling if Matteo hadn’t caught him.

Matteo shrugged, “Well, I’m not letting you go. So, you better figure it out.”

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” David shook his head, but Matteo could tell he was smiling.

It took another hour before they finally made it to their tent. Every time David would grumble about it taking longer, Matteo would lower his head and lightly suck on the side of David’s neck, just below the boy’s ear, causing David to let out soft murmurs and moans.

“You and me, trapped in here all night,” Matteo raised an eyebrow, zipping up the tent once he and David were inside.

“What do you want to do?” David asked and Matteo couldn’t help but look at his boyfriend pull his t-shirt over his head. “Close your mouth,” David chuckled. And Matteo realized his lips had somehow parted.

Taking his shirt off, he saw David try not to stare and he smirked. “Close your eyes,” He joked back.

“Shut up,” David laughed. “I can’t help it. My boyfriend is pretty hot.”

“Hmm,” Matteo smiled, “Can your boyfriend show you how hot he thinks you are?”

Matteo watch David roll his eyes with a smile, “If he must.”

“Oh, he must,” Matteo surged forward, pressing his lips against David’s. Their tongues battled for control as David deepened the kiss. Matteo could feel David’s hand on the back of his head, pulling him in closer still.

“Fuck me,” The words flew out of Matteo’s mouth before he even realized it.

He felt David freeze. “How?”

“Your fingers,” Matteo blushed, his whole face felt like it was on fire. They had never done that before. Sometimes David would run his hand over Matteo’s ass when he would suck the boy off, or even when they were fucking. But this was different. David had never been inside of Matteo and the thought of his boyfriend’s fingers both excited and terrified him.

“Okay,” David breathed between kisses before pulling away, much to Matteo’s dismay. “Hush. I’m just getting the lube,” David pacified in response to a small whine that escaped his lips at the loss of contact.

When David finally returned, after what seemed like hours, Matteo had already divested himself of his pants and underwear.

“Someone’s eager,” David teased.

“Fuck yeah,” Matteo agreed and watched as David turned around for another second and grab a t-shirt from Matteo’s backpack. Closing his eyes, Matteo tried to calm himself down as he waited for David to change.

“Okay,” David said softly and Matteo felt like he could almost come just from the sight of the boy. David was wearing Matteo’s dark red t-shirt, and Matteo loved when his boyfriend wore his clothes. Even if it meant that Matteo had to do laundry more frequently. It seemed that now a days he wasn’t even quite sure what clothes were his and what were David’s, they swapped so much. He had found a few of his hoodies hanging up in David’s closet and he knew that he had some of David’s shirts in his.

He was so caught up in his head that he didn’t realize that David’s finger was lightly circling his entrance, slick with lube.

“Okay?” David asked.

Matteo nodded, feeling his body thrumming with anticipation. This was not how he was expecting the night to go, but it was also kind of perfect. They were taking this new step together. Just the two of them, in a tent. Matteo sort of wanted people to hear what his boyfriend was doing. How his boyfriend was making him feel.

“Fuck,” Matteo knew he was begging. “Please!”

“Please, what?” David chuckled, stopping all movements causing Matteo to groan in frustration. “This is about trust. Trust that I’ll get you there.” David murmured.

“I do,” Matteo promised in desperation. “Please.” _Shit_ , he wanted this so bad. He didn’t even realize how much he had wanted it until this moment.

Thank fuck that Matteo didn’t have to wait that much longer before he felt just the tip of David’s finger breach him. It felt weird, but not painful.

“You doing alright?” David asked, pushing in just a little more. Matteo could only nod, trying to accept the fact that his boyfriend was actually inside of him and not come just from that thought alone.

Matteo felt David work his finger even deeper before sliding out, only to be joined by a second finger. Matteo couldn’t keep a moan from spilling out as he felt David’s fingers go deeper. Every so often David would press, and Matteo knew what he was searching for. It took a few minutes but then David’s finger rubbed over something and Matteo’s hips shot up from the ground, a high pitched moan flooded the small tent.

“You like that?” David teased and Matteo tried to angle his hips to force David to hit that spot again, but his boyfriend was busy trying to bring him to an early death.

“David!” Matteo almost cried when David pulled his fingers out.

David giggled, leaning down to kiss him and Matteo grasped David’s hip.

“Please, please, please,” He begged between kisses.

“I’ve got you,” David promised, and Matteo yelped in surprise when he felt three fingers enter him.

“You still good?” He heard David breathe and nodded. He _wanted_ this. Fuck, he wanted David just to take him apart, _own_ him.

After a few gentle thrusts, Matteo felt his boyfriend’s lips on his.

“Hold on, babe,” David whispered, their lips still touching. That word, _babe_ , went right to his dick, making him harder. If that was even possible at this point.

This time David wasn’t so gentle and thrust his fingers at a harder and faster pace, his fingertips barely brushing over that spot inside. Grasping his boyfriends shoulders, Matteo could only lie there and let David have his way with him. He felt so wet and open, and David kept adding more lube to make things easier. It felt so different then he had imagined, so much more intimate.

In the few porn videos he had brought himself to watch, anal sex didn’t seem like it would feel that great. The guys always seemed to be in pain. Or maybe he was just watching the wrong porn. He didn’t know. And he didn’t know why he was thinking about porn at a time like this because _this._ This was incredible.

He raised his hips to meet David’s thrusts. Changing the angle slightly, he caused one of David’s fingertips to press a little harder and he gasped at the contact.

“Fuck,” he moaned, barely able to keep his eyes open at all the new sensations coursing through him.

“Trust me,” David whispered those words and Matteo nodded, eyes slipping closed. “Trust me.”

He felt David pull out completely and was just about to let out a needy whine, when two fingers re-entered him, heading for that spot. He felt David’s fingers bend slightly before they started a “come hither” motion. The rubbing was now constant and Matteo felt his body steadily moving towards the edge. He so badly wanted to fall over. Fuck, it felt like he was just stuck out there for hours waiting.

Feeling a tingle start in his groin, it grew to the point where he couldn’t breathe. Could only lay there and tremble, losing all sense of reality for a few minutes. He was aware enough to know he hadn’t come yet as pleasure continued to rack through him.

Matteo felt a kiss pressed to his cheek before David had crawled down his body and took Matteo into his mouth. It didn’t take long before he was coming. It felt like so much that seemed to just keep going. But David sucked him through it, using his free hand to pet Matteo’s stomach, thighs, anywhere he could reach.

When it was over, except for an occasional shiver that left Matteo in a blissful haze, he grabbed for his boyfriend. He heard David chuckle and the crinkling of a wrapper. Cracking an eye open, he saw David wipe his hand on a tissue and hastily clean Matteo up before he was enveloped in his boyfriend’s arms.

“Mmmff,” Matteo groaned, burying his face against David’s neck. David’s chuckle reverberated against his chest and Matteo felt safe and warm and comforted by it.

“How was that?” David whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of Matteo’s head.

Matteo groaned in response, not able to form words yet. All he knew was he loved David, could feel it coursing through his veins. This beautiful man who brought him such incredible pleasure...pleasure that was still sweeping through him. _Fuck_.

“Matteo?” His head was jostled as David shrugged, trying to get him to move.

“S’good,” Matteo smiled, eyes still closed. He felt like he was floating and shifted a bit to tuck himself closer to David. Feeling needy and vulnerable, he loved that he could let David hold him for a little while.

He was brought back to reality a little when he felt a rock poke him from underneath the tent. He wanted to tell David they should grab the blanket from his backpack, but he was too content to do so.

Feeling David trying to maneuver without jostling him, he saw his boyfriend had the same idea and pulled the blanket out of his backpack, as if reading his mind. Mustering just enough energy, he helped spread it over them both. He was asleep minutes after.

———————

Matteo groaned, wanting to hold onto the last traces of sleep. He turned over, intent on pulling David towards him, but when he reached out his hand, he was met with an empty space.

Rubbing his eyes, he saw that the tent door was unzipped a little, letting in sunlight. Slowly, he pulled himself, unzipped the door all the way and crawled outside. He spotted David immediately sitting on a fallen tree, sketchbook on his lap and face contorted in concentration.

Quietly, Matteo walked over and sat next to David. He waited for his boyfriend to acknowledge him.

“Hey,” David’s voice was soft.

“Hi,” Matteo watched the boy sketch for a little while. “What’re you doing?”

David shrugged, “Trying to keep track of everyone we met, or at least sketch what I remember about them. Like this,” Matteo looked to where David was pointing. “This is that very first girl we rode with.” Matteo chuckled, David had drawn her with a joint in her mouth. “This is Noah. He found me on Instagram, asked what your username was.” David had sketched a young man with an angled face and slightly messy hair.

“And that’s Hans,” Matteo pointed to the sketch right under Noah’s.

“Mmhmm,” David nodded. “He told me he smoked when he was younger, quit when his son was born. Now he occasionally has a cigar.”

“Hmm,” Matteo nodded, sliding an arm around David’s waist. He leaned his head on the boy’s shoulder and inhaled. “You smell good.”

“Took a shower down where we registered. They got toilets there and some vending machines, too,” David turned his head and Matteo felt lips on the side of his face.

“Hmm,” Matteo muttered, feeling himself almost start to drift again.

“How’re you feeling?” Matteo tightened his grip on his boyfriend.

Wiggling slightly, Matteo thought for a second. “A little sore, but happy.”

“Good,” He felt David smile.

Clearing his throat, Matteo sat up slightly. “Is this how you feel after I...”

“Fuck me?” David supplied. “Maybe. It’s like a small dull ache depending on how rough we are. But I love that it reminds me of you.”

Matteo smiled, he hadn’t thought about it that way. “Hmm,” he hummed into David’s ear. “I kind of like this feeling. Knowing that you caused it.”

“So we can add that to the _do again_ column?” Matteo watched as David turned so they were facing one another.

“Definitely,” Matteo reached out so he could play with David’s fingers. “I just...I do trust you. I want you to know that. I’m just...scared of being shut out.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at his boyfriend.

But this was one thing he was working on. _Talking._ Telling David his thoughts and feelings. Trying to be more open. He didn’t like who he was when he bottled everything up and exploded. As he told Reinter, he scared people away when that happened. And he didn’t want to be alone any more. Not when he knew what it was like to have a found family. As dysfunctional as they were, he knew that the abi-chaker group was there. And Hans would definitely always be there. That man, his “guru,” would probably mother him for the rest of his life, and the thought of Hans always being there didn’t freak him out like it once did. It actually brought him comfort, not that he’d ever tell the older man that.

“You know more about me than anyone, Matteo. You’re my best friend. You’ll never be shut out,” David’s voice was sincere.

Matteo didn’t disguise his smile as he captured David’s lips with his own. “I’m going to take a piss and clean up.” He nuzzled David’s nose.

“Yup,” He felt David kiss the tip of his nose. “We’ll be in Detroit in no time.”

“Greatest music city ever!” Matteo mocked.

“Well close. If we can’t go to the American Detroit, this is the next best thing,” David chuckled.

“Maybe one day we can go there. To _that_ Detroit,” Matteo suggested. “Plan a whole trip and see America.”

“I’d like that,” David nodded. “But let’s enjoy this trip first.”

“Yeah, Matteo agreed. “When I get back, I’ll take down the tent.”

He saw David shake his head. “I got it.”

“Trying to show off?” Matteo chuckled. “Or are you saying my manly skills suck.”

“Manly skills? I think Hanna would disagree that it takes _man skills_ to put up her tent. Especially when I saw how fast she got it up when she was showing you how to set it up,” David laughed. “But if it makes you feel better...”

“Shut it,” Matteo joked.

“What? My manly man who can’t put up a tent.” David laughed.

“Damn straight I’m your man. And you’re my man. Even if you don’t accept the fact that the tent is confusing as shit to put up.”

“Shut up and shower, my man,” David giggled as Matteo dug some clean clothes out of his backpack.

Matteo flicked off David as he started to walk away. “Fuck you, my man.”

He could hear David still laughing as he got further away and a faint “love you too.” He smiled to himself. Things were so much better today. And he hoped the upcoming days would continue to get better, and he and David would continue to get closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your support and for reading! It's very much appreciated! Like it? Consider hitting the kudos button, leaving a comment, or rec'ing. Thanks! :)


	7. Detroit

****

**Oh, all my nights taste like gold**  
**Yeah, when I'm with you it's like everything glows**  
**And all my days we can lay low**  
**Yeah, when we're waking up**  
**We're waking up slow ~ _Waking Up Slow_ by Gabrielle Aplin**

“Two single beds.”

Fuck.

“Bolted to the floor.”

Double fuck.

“Maybe we can fit in one bed?” David suggested, setting his backpack on the questionable looking floor.

Matteo groaned, “We better both fucking fit. We haven’t properly slept together in over three days!”

“Oh, but what about that thing we did a few nights ago in the tent?” David joked.

“You know what I mean, asshole.” Matteo grumbled, lightly slapping David on the bicep.

“Hmm,” David nodded, “We can do _that_ thing too, you know?”

Matteo chuckled, “You think we’d fit?”

“Well,” David ran a finger up Matteo’s chest, “if I’m on top of you, we technically don’t need that much space.”

Matteo had to take a second to shake the mental image and close his mouth, in favor of experiencing the real thing. “I love technicalities,” he whispered pulling David towards the bed.

Not wasting any time, Matteo had his shirt off and was working on his pants before David could even comprehend it.

“Eager?” He asked.

Matteo just hummed in response, kicking off his shoes and laying back on the bed. “Why aren’t you naked?”

Chuckling, David pulled off his shirt, crawling over his boyfriend. “Relax, we’ve got all night.”

“You think we’re only going to do this once?” Matteo quipped with a smile, pulling David down into a kiss.

David giggled as Matteo maneuvered him so David was straddling Matteo’s waist, “I suppose not.” Their lips touched lightly together, with Matteo wrapping one arm around David’s hip and the other around the back of David’s neck to deepen the kiss.

When David went to straddle Matteo, his knee slipped, causing him to almost fall off the bed. If it hadn’t been for Matteo grabbing him, he would have crashed down.

“You okay?” Matteo asked, pulling David in for another kiss.

Nodding, David shifted again, to get more leverage when his other knee slipped and before either one knew it, David was on the floor. “Fuck,” He whined.

“You okay?” David could tell Matteo was trying not to laugh.

“Yeah,” David grumbled, getting up and sitting on the edge of the bed. “So, I don’t think this is going to work.”

He watched Matteo groan, “We could do it against the wall?”

“If you think I’m touching that wall, you’ve got another thing coming,” David chuckled.

“Fuck,” Matteo shook his head, “I’m going to take a shower.”

David nodded, “Okay.”

“Want to join me?” Matteo suggested with a smirk and David felt his blood turn to ice for a second. “No? I guess it’s a cold shower for me then.”

David watched his boyfriend disappear into the bathroom and folded his legs underneath himself. He let out the breath that he was holding. Even though he knew Matteo was joking, it still hit him. Taking a shower with the one you love was such a simple thing. But not for him. For him, it was more complicated. And that sucked.

The entire ride from the campsite to Detroit, David had thought about exposing himself, all of himself, to Matteo. It kept crossing his mind the entire shit show that was getting there.

It had taken longer than they anticipated to travel the few hours to the town. What should have been about a four hour drive from the campsite turned into a twelve hour debacle. The language barrier became a bigger deal than they thought. And somehow they ended up going in the opposite direction of Detroit. When they finally realized what had happened they had to hitch a ride backtracking their way. Luckily the driver and his girlfriend, Gabe and Ines, were heading to Detroit to stay with friends. When Matteo had explained their predicament to the couple, Gabe offered to see if their friend, who had a room he rented to tourists, could accommodate them. They had readily agreed.

And as the sky got darker and darker, David and Matteo texted each other, silently agreeing to take turns on sleeping in the backseat of the couple’s car. Neither really slept that well during the ride, David jerking awake, it seemed like every fifteen minutes, to make sure that Matteo was okay. When it was Matteo’s turn to get some sleep, David almost chuckled when he felt Matteo doing the same thing.

Eventually they spent the rest of the car ride listening to David’s playlist on shared earbuds and texting back and forth. It turned into a game of who could send the most inappropriate meme and get the other to break the silence and laugh. David lost almost immediately, trying to figure out where his boyfriend found some of the memes. When David finally conceded, he rolled his eyes at Matteo’s victory text:

**#MatteoMonday + #FlorenziFriday = King of Memes**

_Of course._

When they finally made it into Le Detroit, it was not what David had imagined, but it was quaint. There was a lot of open space and David was looking forward to the next three days of just regrouping and being with Matteo. After their fight at the campsite, he figured they could use some time to be alone together. It just was shit that the place they were able to stay came with two single beds. But David was determined that they were somehow going to get this to work out. There was no way he was going to sleep without Matteo for the next two nights. But, he wouldn’t complain, _much_ , about it because despite the room being a little _hygienically challenged_ , and in the top floor of a barn, the owner was nice enough to let them have it for 20 euros. Even including free bottled water and sandwiches.

“Do you want to stay in tonight?” Matteo came out of the bathroom, wearing his boxers and using a towel to scrub his hair.

David nodded, “I’m exhausted from that car ride.”

“Shit, dude, that was the weirdest thing. They were just too nice,” Matteo laughed.

“Yeah,” David shook his head, remembering how the couple was just so friendly, offering them food and a joint filled with something they called _special grass_ , in which he and Matteo promptly declined. “So, I was thinking about the bed stuff. Why don’t we just set up the air mattress.”

“Sure,” Matteo nodded. “But, really, who fucking bolts a bed to the floor?”

David smirked, “Apparently this guy.” He watched his boyfriend pull on a shirt and a pair of sweatpants before pulling out the rolled up air mattress and pump.

“I hope this thing works,” Matteo commented, finding the wall outlet and plugging in the automatic air pump. Once he had everything set, he flipped the switch and they both waited to see if the mattress would raise up.

“Oh thank fuck,” Matteo whispered when the plastic started to rise off the ground.

David laughed and shook his head. “I’ll go grab us some food while you finish getting that setup.”

“Sure. Be careful,” David smiled at Matteo’s concern.

“Always am,” David shot back with a smirk before heading down the ladder and into the barn. He ran a hand through his hair before walking towards the house.

He smiled when he saw a text from Hans asking if he and Matteo had made it to Detroit okay.

 **Thanks. We made it today. Got a bit turned around at first.** He thought for a second and snapped a photo of the barn and sent it along.

Looking up, he saw their renter, "Marius call me Marius" standing at the door with a bag.

“For you,” the man shoved the bag into David’s hand before closing the door.

“Umm, merci,” David called through the door and shook his head. There was something about the guy that weirded David out. He was nice enough when they arrived, but there was a harshness or something that David quite couldn’t place his finger on, about him.

His phone pinged signaling an incoming text. **Looks peaceful**. Nodding at Hans’ text, he started to head back to the barn.

It _was_ peaceful now that he actually took a minute to look. The gravel crunched under his Converse and the air seemed different here. It was nice to be away from the chaos of a city and take a step back.

When he finally reached the barn, he couldn’t help but laugh at their predicament with the beds. He hoped that the rest of the trip would go as unexpected as this.

“Hey! I got the sandwiches,” He called out, climbing up the ladder to their room. He found Matteo dozing on one of the single beds, the air mattress completely set up with the blanket and pillows from the other bed covering it.

He smiled to himself. One thing he’d found himself doing over the few months they’d shared a bed was watch his boyfriend sleep when he couldn’t fall asleep. Matteo was always so calm and peaceful when he slept. And it calmed David to watch him. Sometimes, when he’d wake up in the middle of the night, he’d lay a hand on Matteo’s bareback and just feel him inhaling and exhaling.

“What?” Matteo’s sleep rough voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “D’you get the food?”

“Yeah,” David smiled, “Right here.”

“Come here,” Matteo motioned with his hands lazily.

Shaking his head, David chuckled, “You know we both can’t fit. We already tried that.”

“Don’t care,” Matteo whined, “C’mere.”

David rolled his eyes, but went to join Matteo anyways. “If I fall on my ass, it’ll be _your_ ass.”

“Mmm’kay,” He heard Matteo mumble before he felt himself being pulled tight against Matteo’s chest. His boyfriend’s face automatically finding it’s way to David’s shoulder and his legs around David’s waist. “See, we fit.”

David shook his head in amusement, holding Matteo back. “You cannot possibly be comfortable.” His fingers gently carded through the hair at the back of Matteo’s head.

“Hmm, that’s nice. Keep doing that.”

“This?” David joked and tugged a strand a little too hard, hearing Matteo yelp in surprise.

“Asshole.” Matteo yawned and David felt Matteo bite his shoulder in retaliation.

“You want to move to the air mattress?” David’s actions betrayed his words as he slowly stroked his free hand up and down Matteo’s back, the other continued to cradle the back of his boyfriend’s head.

A few moments later, Matteo let out a soft breath and David knew he was asleep. “Love you,” He whispered and closed his eyes, intent on joining Matteo.

————————

A loud bang followed by _shit_ echoed through the small room, startling David out of sleep.

“Wha? What’s going on?” He yawned, looking around the room, his eyes trying to adjust to the light.

Grabbing his cell phone from his pocket, he turned on the flashlight and saw Matteo’s blonde head poking up over the mattress. “Fuck.”

“What?” David asked again, not quite comprehending what was going on in his sleep muddled brain.

When Matteo’s grimacing face finally surfaced, David couldn’t help himself and cackled at his boyfriend. “It wasn’t me this time!” He laughed before grabbing his sides and whining. “Fuck.”

“What?” Matteo asked, and David could see concern flash over his face.

David shook his head, “I didn’t take off my binder. Fuck.” He whined. He had meant to only nap for an hour or two before getting up, but it had been way longer than that, if the time on his phone was correct he had been wearing it for way longer than he should have. He had meant to take it off hours and hours ago, but with all the excitement and chaos of getting there and settling in, he kept putting it off even though he _knew_ and felt it.

“Well take it off,” Matteo stated, standing up.

“Ugh,” David moaned. Shit he was going to be sore and he knew he was partly panting in air.

“Dude, take. It. Off,” Matteo sat next to him on the bed.

David nodded, practically throwing off the shirt he was wearing. “Umm, can you...shit...can you help me?”

He could see Matteo’s confusion at his request.

“I just, I don’t want to make any sudden movements,” David internally grimaced remembering the first and only other time he had his binder on for way too long. That was _not_ fun.

“Like, how?”

David groaned, “I’m just going to...raise my hands up and can you...pull it up, folding it and then I can just grab the back and get it off.”

He watched Matteo gulp and nod. “Oh...okay.”

“It’s fine, Matteo,” David promised.

“Okay,” Matteo nodded and David turned so his back was to his boyfriend. He quickly raised his arms up to his sides and felt Matteo grasp the bottom of the material from the back.

“Uh, you’re going to have to grab from the...umm front,” David nervously laughed and felt Matteo’s hands move to the front.

He heard Matteo clear his throat. “I’m going to go on, uh, three. Okay?”

“Just fold it up,” David closed his eyes.

“Okay,” David felt Matteo tug as hard as he could and before he even could process the situation, his hands were flailing and it was like being punched in the gut. It was like ripping a bandaid off, if the bandaid had been superglued to your skin. David yelped because for a moment he could’ve sworn Matteo had ripped his entire chest off.

Quickly, David grabbed up his discarded shirt and threw it on before turning to face Matteo.

He was about to yell at Matteo for just ripping it off, instead of doing what David said. But, when he turned to face his boyfriend, he found Matteo sitting, staring down at the black material in his hands. “I...I never realized how tight this is on you.”

“Umm...yeah,” David didn’t know what to say. He watched Matteo’s eyes come up to meet his. They were full of concern and was that... _sadness_? “What?”

Matteo shook his head, “I’m just...I’m sorry you have to do this. Go through this just so you can be yourself.”

“It is what it is,” David shrugged.

“Still...”

“Matteo, it’s fine. I’m fine. Okay? I’m fine, we’re fine. Everything is fine,” David tried to soothe, wanting to change the subject.

“Okay. But, fuck, bro,” Matteo shook his head.

David reached over and put his arm on Matteo’s. “First, don’t do that. Don’t feel bad for me. I’m okay. Second, don’t call me _bro_. I’m not your bro. I’m your boyfriend,” he smiled to show Matteo he really wasn’t all that annoyed by it. But still, he wasn’t Matteo’s bro. That was reserved for Jonas, Carlos and Abdi.

“O-okay,” The look on Matteo’s face reminded David of a sad puppy.

“You’re so cute,” David laughed, leaning over and kissing Matteo reassuringly. “Now, let’s go to bed for real, alright?” He stood up and held out his hand and Matteo grabbed it. He felt his boyfriend squeeze it before letting go. They both shimmied out of their pants, and when Matteo pulled off his shirt, David couldn’t help himself and stared.

Matteo smirked and David knew he had been caught. “Oops,” He shrugged with a half laugh.

————————

“Umm,” David started, rolling over to face his boyfriend once they settled on the air mattress. “I want to share something with you.”

He saw his boyfriend scrunch his nose in confusion.

“Yeah, so…” He fidgeted nervously for a second, before grabbing Matteo’s hand into his. “I…just don’t…” He couldn’t finish his sentence, didn’t even know what he was trying to ask his boyfriend for. All he knew was he wanted to do this.

Closing his eyes, he grasped Matteo’s hand and slid it under his shirt, letting the other boy touch his chest. If he wasn’t so nervous, he would laugh at how big Matteo’s eyes had gotten.

“I trust you,” David breathed, trying to get some control of himself.

Matteo nodded, and David knew his boyfriend was letting him guide this.

“I’m not ready for you to see me, yet,” David gently grasped Matteo’s hand and pulled it out of his shirt. “But that…this…is me.”  


David held his breath and waited for any reaction from his boyfriend.

“I already told you, you’re good the way you are,” Matteo said softly, and David felt his fingers being intertwined with his boyfriend’s.

“You’re really okay with…this?” David used his free hand to motion towards his chest.

“It’s you,” Matteo shrugged. “David, you don’t have to be afraid of me…rejecting your body or whatever. I...want all of you.” His voice was soft, vulnerable, and David seemed to fall more in love with the boy. “How many times do I need to say it for you to actually believe me?”

David shrugged with a shy smile, “You might have to remind me.”

“That I can most definitely do,” David get himself being grabbed around his waist. “You’re ribs still bothering you?”

“I’ll live,” David chuckled.

“Good, because...” David felt one of Matteo’s hands let go of his waist and grasp David’s hand, sliding their intertwined fingers downwards. David couldn’t help the small moan that escaped him when his fingers touched Matteo’s hard-on through the boy’s boxers. “I’m going to spend the next few hours loving your body.”

“Fuck,” David didn’t know he could get turned on so fast. “Okay.”

Matteo chuckled. “Okay.”

————————

The grass was cool beneath his fingers, as he leaned back, allowing the sun to warm his face. He and Matteo had gone for a morning walk that turned into an afternoon walk before turning into an afternoon of having a picnic without any food or a blanket.

“It’s so open out here,” Matteo commented.

David nodded, looking up at the sky.

“It’s like that creepy ass old movie, _Signs_ , that you made me watch.”

“Hmm,” David chuckled. “You sat and complained at how fake the whole premise was.”

He watched Matteo shrug, “Yeah, but...it’s possible, right?”

“What?”

“Aliens. Things out there we don’t know,” Matteo commented

David shrugged, “The universe is huge. It’s hard to believe we’re the only living things in it.”

“Right. I don’t know. Maybe aliens are just a concept. You know? Like are we aliens to them?”

“Did you smoke today?” David laughed. “You’re being unusually thoughtful.”

Matteo shook his head, “Just thinking.”

“Hmm,” David nodded. “Maybe we’re all aliens to each other. I mean, we’re all born not knowing anything about the world and then we have to...learn about it.”

“Now who’s the one being _unusually thoughtful_?” David watched as Matteo rolled onto his stomach and turned to face him.

David didn’t know what to say, so he leaned over and kissed Matteo softly.

Grinning as they pulled apart, David saw Matteo get a smug look on his face, pulling up something on his phone. Soon a familiar tune filtered out into the air from Matteo’s phone.

_Here come the men in black..._

“You fucking asshole,” David giggled pressing his hand to Matteo’s face and pushing it away.

He saw Matteo laugh and shake his head. Chuckling, David laid down, folding his hands behind his head. Their conversation sparking an idea in his mind. He would still need to fully realize and conceptualize the idea, but it was a start for his application film.

“I texted Hans last night,” David stated after a little while.

“Oh.” Matteo seemed surprised to hear his admission.

David shrugged, “I just wanted you to know.”

“Okay,” David saw Matteo nod. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to tell me l every time you text him, or anyone for that matter.”

David nodded, “I don’t want secrets between us.”

“Thank you,” Matteo smiled. “While we’re sharing, I want to tell you something important.”

“What?” David asked in concern.

“I lied to you last night,” Matteo said seriously and David tried to recall everything they talked about.

“So, you lied to me. Was this before or after we had sex,” David asked in an even tone.

“After.”

David saw Matteo sit up and wring his fingers together. “Just tell me.”

“Okay,” Matteo took a breath. “Remember when you, fuck this is so hard. Remember when you asked me if I was the one...shit...if I farted in bed last night? I said no, but...but I did.” David watched as Matteo covered his face in mock shame.

David shook his head, “You fucker. You fucker!” He lightly punched Matteo in the shoulder.

He heard Matteo chuckle before he was pulled into a hug. “This is nice.”

“The space?” David asked, pulling back, but not entirely. He kept his arms around his boyfriend.

“Being here with you,” Matteo smiled.

David nodded, “Yeah. I like holding you.”

“Me too,” Matteo ran a hand up David’s back and into his hair.

David sighed in contentment before pulling away and laying back down. He watched Matteo do the same and smiled to himself.

————————

“That was amazing,” David breathed, rolling onto his back on the air mattress.

Matteo panted, “You’re telling me.”

David laughed, “I’m surprised this air mattress is staying inflated after what we’ve put it through.”

“Yeah,” Matteo chuckled. “Two nights in a row.”

“Lucky boy,” David smiled.

Matteo nodded, “Yup. Or I’m just that good.”

“Uh huh,” David shook his head, amused.

“Uh huh,” Matteo laughed and grabbed David around the middle, and David felt the boy tickling up sides.

David let out an embarrassing squeal and Matteo stopped and let out a body shaking laugh. That turned into them both giggling before finally they closed their eyes and fell into sleep.

————————

“Last day,” Matteo stated and David nodded. They had decided to take a walk, their hands held and swinging between them.

“Yup,” David nodded. “Where do you want to go next?”

He saw Matteo grin, “I have an idea.”

“And...?”

“How would you like to go visit Italy?” Matteo smiled, “I’d like to show you my heritage...well half of it.”

David was stunned. “You want to share that with me?”

“Of course, dummy,” David saw Matteo playfully roll his eyes.

“So...I’ll finally get to see where pasta a Luigi originated from?” David asked with a smile.

Matteo nodded, “But no pasta you eat there will ever top pasta a Luigi.”

David shook his head, “Oh, of course,” he laughed before nodding. “I’m game. Italy it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all the support! Over the last few days my read numbers have spiked and I'm in awe at how many people are reading this. 
> 
> **Side note: the ripping off the binder scene is inspired by something that happened to my BF before we met. 
> 
> *** Side, side note: Do I have any artists reading? I would LOVE to see David in the techno sweater! lol - my shameless plea
> 
> ****Side, side, side note: if you haven't seen on my Instagram (or don't follow me over there), I am going to the Paris Skam Con! I will try to vlog, blog, take pictures, etc. while I'm there and share them on my Youtube and Instagram.


	8. The Way to Italy

****

**'Cause I'm not perfect, I'm flawed**  
**And if you don't like that, get lost**  
**'Cause I don't want it if it's fake**  
**I don't want it if it's just for show, for show**  
**I just want it if it's real and I'm thinking I should let you know, you know ~ _Superficial Love_ by Ruth B.**

Matteo took it as a good sign that the first car they tried to flag actually stopped and gave them a ride - an elderly woman named Doreen, who smiled kindly and offered them a stick of gum. They both declined. They were just happy to be in the car and traveling.

He smiled down at the selfie David had taken of them in the car on Matteo’s phone as soon as they sat down. He posted it to his Instagram account with a smile and captioned it “Hit the road, Jack.” Matteo didn’t think things like this would come to mean something to him like they had. Just being able to post a picture on Instagram with the man he loved was something he never thought he’d get to have. Something that seemed so scary and impossible to him just six months ago.

He heard David snort next to him. He opened up WhatsApp and went into his and David’s ongoing chat.

 **what** , he typed and received a response a few seconds later.

**Did you see the last two pics you posted?**

Matteo frowned to himself. He typed out a simple: **???**

**We’re wearing the same thing**

Opening Instagram, Matteo looked at the photo from the first day and the photo he just posted and chuckled quietly to himself. It’s not like the clothes were dirty. They had been able to do some laundry in Amsterdam. But even if they weren’t washed, how dirty could clothes get anyways? He closed out the app and turned his attention to the scenery passing by outside the window.

He had been thinking about his dad a lot lately. They had been so close and then he’d just left. Matteo had been startled out of sleep by shouting and when he’d gone into the living room, he saw his dad standing there with two suitcases. As soon as he saw Matteo, his father had said he’d call as soon as he got settled in Italy. He never did call.

Occasionally Matteo got a text from the man, but most of the time money just showed up in his bank account every month without explanation. He supposed it was his dad’s way of taking care of his son without really having to take care of his son. He didn’t even know if his dad knew he’d graduated, passed his abi’s, fallen in love. Did the man even give a shit?

He couldn’t ask his mom about it. She was just starting to get back on track. He didn’t want to cause her to relapse by mentioning his father. He had thought about mentioning it to David, that he kind of wanted to text his dad, but he didn’t. David had so much to deal with on his own without dealing with Matteo’s father drama. And yeah, he had promised David he’d try and talk about his feelings and shit, but he figured that only meant stuff about their relationship. Not daddy issue crap.

At least Matteo still talked to his mom, which is more than David could say. He didn’t know all the situation, but he did know his boyfriend never mentioned his parents. In fact the one time Matteo brought it up, David shrugged and distracted him by giving Matteo a blowjob that felt like his very soul was being sucked out. It had been great, but afterwards Matteo felt slightly used and David had made up some excuse to go back to his and Laura’s apartment. They had said goodbye with an awkward hug in the doorway of the WG and later that night had fallen asleep on the phone together. Matteo never mentioned David’s parents again.

Sometimes he really hated the fact that he had to move out, live on his own, before he even graduated. Neither one of his parents even tried to stop him. His dad just asked how much the rent was and his mom hadn’t even come out of her room when Jonas came over to help him move out. And he figured that maybe that’s where some of his relationship trust issues came from.

For so long the only person he could depend on was Jonas. He trusted him, but even so, he still held back from his best friend. Scared that if the boy saw him, _all_ of him, then he’d run away and leave too. It wasn’t until he met David that he wanted someone to see the _real_ Matteo. He wanted a relationship, someone he could joke with, be silly with, play around with. He wanted someone who understood that he didn’t have his shit together, that got that he didn’t know what his future was.

And David did. David never made him feel stupid for not knowing what he wanted to do with his life. David was willing to be silly and spontaneous with him. _Fuck_ , the boy had agreed to an open-ended summer road trip spent hitching rides from strangers around Europe.

“This is as far as I go,” Matteo hadn’t realized the driver had gotten off on an exit and pulled into a gas station.

“Uh, merci or grazie,” Matteo murmured, not sure which language she spoke.

“Thanks,” he heard David say in English. The boy spoke English better than Matteo could, and sometimes his boyfriend spoke it so fast, that Matteo had no idea what he was saying. But it had proven helpful on this trip.

“Where are we?” Matteo looked around, the town seemed small, quaint. There was a closed up market across the street.

He saw David shrug. “Somewhere small.”

“You want to try and find a place to sleep? I don’t think we’re going to find a ride this late,” Matteo suggested, looking around at the fading sunlight.

“Sure,” He heard David agree.

——————————

Matteo had ended up finding them a sofa bed in some guys basement for 10€. It wasn’t the cleanest and he was hesitant to even lay down on the thing, but they had four walls and roof, so it was something.

“No offense, but there’s no way I’m doing anything with you on that,” David raised an eyebrow and pointed to the bed.

Matteo nodded, “None taken because as much as I love you, I really want to touch that thing as little as possible.”

“Okay, as long as we’re clear,” David chuckled.

“So, do you want to just like, sleep in our clothes?” Matteo suggested.

David nodded, “I would suggest setting up the air mattress again, but I’m even more grossed out sleeping that close for the floor.”

“Cool,” Matteo stated sarcastically, waiting for David to get ready before laying down. Or maybe, he just wanted to prolong the inevitable as much as possible.

As soon as they both laid down, Matteo turned over and wrapped himself around David, resting his head on the other boy’s shoulder.

“Hey! No fair,” he heard David protest weakly. “You don’t get to sleep on me and make me sleep on this thing.”

Matteo chuckled, “Not moving.”

“You ass,” He heard David grumble, but felt his boyfriend card fingers through his hair.

“Hmmm,” Matteo felt himself start to drift before he was interrupted.

“I feel itchy,” David said into the dark room and Matteo couldn’t help the snort and laugh that escaped him.

Matteo cracked an eye open and waited for David’s eyes to slide shut and his breathing to even out.

He let the rise and fall of his boyfriend’s chest to lull him into an almost sleep when a sharp and loud vibrating startled him. At first, in his sleep muddled brain, he thought it was his phone. But then he saw a glow coming from the other side of David’s head, half under the pillow. Reaching over, Matteo was just going to shut off the screen when the message caught his eye. He didn’t mean to be nosy, but it was an actual text message, not a WhatsApp chat. It was from Laura.

**Haven’t heard from you in a few days. Is everything okay with Matteo? Did he react alright? I’m worried. Call me.**

Matteo frowned and shut off the phone screen. He wasn’t supposed to see that. He knew he should forget it. Shouldn’t have looked at it in the first place. But now that he saw it, it was burned into him. What was he reacting to? Why wouldn’t things be okay between them?

Closing his eyes, he tried to find sleep, but his brain was on overdrive. After a few more minutes, he carefully extracted himself from David, grabbed his phone and a hoodie from his bag, and walked over to the small table in the corner. He threw the hoodie on, zipping it up halfway and opened WhatsApp. He pulled up a new message to the one person he knew would understand.

**Hi Hanna. I need some advice.**

He didn’t expect a response right away, but got one anyways.

**What’s up?  
**

**I saw a message on David’s phone that I wasn’t supposed to**

He took a deep breath and waited for her.

**As much as it’s going to suck, you need to tell him. Tell him before it gets worse. But DO NOT be confrontational. Just admit it.**

Matteo sighed. **But it’s about me**

 **Don’t care. Don’t tell me what it said. Just tell him.** There was a slight pause before he saw another message come in. **If you don’t tell him now, it’s going to eventually come out. Don’t fuck up your relationship like Jonas and I did**

Matteo nodded. **thanks Hanna**

**I expect a lunch date when you get back so you can tell me all about you trip**

**sure**

Closing out of the app, Matteo ran his hands over his face and through his hair. He sighed and set his phone on the table and scrolled though the pictures and videos he had already taken of him and David. These were things he’d never post publicly. They were just for them.

Photos of them goofing around, a video of David being chased by a wild chicken in Detroit - Matteo could hear himself in the background laughing so hard he was crying, and an accidental video of them making out in the tent. Matteo somehow switched his camera from photo to video when he had tried to take a picture of him and David, and ended up filming about five minutes of them making out. David had wanted Matteo to delete it, but for the life of him, he couldn’t stand to part with it. Even though it was at a weird angle from where he had tossed his phone as the two of them kissed, he could still see them, hear them. He figured he’d keep it for nights when he and David were apart and he needed a reminder of who they were and how much they loved each other.

He propped his phone up on the table, cradled his head in his hands and swiped to a picture of the two of them hugging in Amsterdam.

——————————

David was holding his hand and they were in an apartment. It wasn’t the biggest place in Berlin, but it was enough. He could see the bedroom from his place in the hallway. One bed. One closet. Matteo peaked in and could see both his and David’s clothes hanging up together. And then he felt the ground shake. Why was the ground shaking? He went to call out for David when his eyes slammed open and he saw David’s face in front of his. His boyfriend was shaking him and he was in that shitty basement.

“Fuck,” He whined as he stretched and felt his muscles protest at having fallen asleep a weird angle.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” David asked.

Matteo yawned, “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Hmm,” David hummed and Matteo could see the boy contemplating something.

Matteo didn’t have to wait long to find out what his boyfriend was going to do, soon enough he found himself with an armful of David as the other boy gently sat down in Matteo’s lap. David hooked an arm around Matteo’s neck.

“I...umm...I need to tell you something,” Matteo started. His and Hanna’s conversation was still fresh in his mind.

“It’s nothing about farts again, is it?” David chuckled, leaning his forehead against the side of Matteo’s head for a second.

“No,” Matteo shook his head, “It’s...I didn’t mean to see it. But, after you fell asleep last night, your phone went off and I went to turn off the screen and saw the message from Laura and my name.”

He watched David for a second. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry. I just...I wanted to tell you.” Matteo looked away momentarily.

“Oh,” David repeated.

“You don’t have to tell me what it means,” he wanted his boyfriend to know that.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw David’s jaw clench and then his lap was vacant.

“Let me get this right,” David started, standing up. “ _You_ read my personal conversation with _my_ sister because _you_ saw _your_ name?”

Matteo gulped and nodded. “I didn’t mean to.”

“But you did? What else did you see?” David dared him to answer.

“Nothing!” Matteo exclaimed. _Shit_. He was so fucking sick of fighting with David about stuff like this. “Here, look through my phone if it makes you feel better!” He held it out.

“I don’t want to see your phone. I fucking trust you!” Matteo groaned inwardly at David’s statement.

“What do you want from me?” Matteo stood up and looked his boyfriend in the eyes.

He saw David falter, “I want you to trust me. I trust you! Fuck, it feels like we just keep having this same fight.”

“We do!” Matteo ran his hands through his hair. “And fuck, David, it’s getting really fucking old.”

“Then why don’t you trust me? You say you love me, but do you really?” With David’s words, Matteo felt like he had been dunked in ice.

“How can you say that?” Matteo asked. “Do you know what I went through when you ran away? Do you fucking know how much I wanted you? Want you? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Matteo watched David take a step back. “Me? Okay, you know what? Let’s just have it out right here!” David held his hands out to his sides.

“Okay,” Matteo stood up. “You want to do this, let’s do this!”

He saw David shake his head, but the boy didn’t say anything.

“You say you’re going to tell me what’s bothering you _soon_ , but you never do! What is it that you have to pick fights with me? You say I don’t trust you? I think you don’t trust me!” Matteo ranted.

“You know that’s not fair, Matteo!”

Matteo groaned, “You want to talk about fair? Just fucking tell me! Tell me David! What is it that I wouldn’t possibly react well too? What do you want from me?”

“Nothing! Let’s just fucking drop it, okay?” Matteo’s heart constricted a little at seeing his boyfriend was not as angry, looking more fearful than mad, but he had no intention of letting this drop. He needed to play this out.

“No, tell me, David!” Matteo argued. “Tell me what’s going on!”

“Let’s just...look it’s not a big deal with Laura. Let’s just,” David started to walk away, but Matteo was a little faster and grabbed his hand.

“David, just fucking tell me!” Matteo knew they couldn’t continue on like this.

“You want to fucking know what’s been bothering me? What I had to call my fucking sister about? You really want to know Matteo?” David screamed and for a second all Matteo wanted to do was pull the boy into his arms and tell him it was fine, but no. He wouldn’t do that because they both needed this. That much he was absolutely sure of.

“Yes! Just fucking tell me!” Matteo yelled back.

It took Matteo by surprise when David silently grabbed the hem of the shirt he had slept in and ripped it over his head, throwing it to the ground. Matteo could only stand in shock as his eyes met bare skin. He knew his mouth was open, but his brain had temporarily stopped working.

The atmosphere seemed to go from rage filled to tentative and fearful. Neither boy said anything and Matteo knew that this was a significant moment in their relationship, but he hated that it had come about because of a fight.

“I, umm...I,” Matteo stuttered out before he walked over, unzipping his hoodie in the process. He quickly shucked it off before gently wrapping it around David and zipping it up. He saw his boyfriend physically relax, moving his arms into the sleeves before wrapping them around himself. “You didn’t have to do this. Not like this.”

David shrugged and Matteo could see him pulling at his sleeves. “I...didn’t want to do _this_...like this.”

“I...” Matteo didn’t know what to say. “You...”

“I just...now you’ve seen me,” David averted his eyes and Matteo hated that his boyfriend felt the need to hide. But he understood.

“Yeah,” Matteo placed a hand around David’s waist. “Is that what’s been getting to you this whole time?”

He watched David kick his foot out in trepidation, but leaned into Matteo. “Umm, so what do you, uh, think...I guess.”

“Wow,” Matteo didn’t mean for that to come out, but he was still trying to wrap his head around everything that had happened in the last hour.

David wrapped his arms around himself a little tighter, “I know I’m not...it’s not...my chest...I...not sexy and...”

“Shut up,” Matteo shook his head, trying to stop his boyfriend from rambling and working himself up into a frenzy. “I just...I wasn’t really expecting that to happen.”

“I know. I’m...I just...you wanted to know and I just...I wanted you to see me, but it’s...maybe I shouldn’t have done it this way,” David was rambling and Matteo had never seen his boyfriend so worked up. “Sorry,” David murmured.

Matteo pulled David into a hug, “No. Don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. I love you. And _I’m_ sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you. It’s just, we’ve been fighting and...I’m sorry if you felt like you had to do that.”

“I was waiting for...something. I don’t know,” Matteo could feel David’s breath on his shoulder. “So now you’ve seen all of me.”

“Yeah,” Matteo nodded. “So what does this mean for us?”

He felt David shrug and pull back, “Makes things easier.”

“Like how?” Matteo wanted to know exactly what David needed from this.

“I guess...sex for one. And, umm, sleeping. And maybe...showering together,” David blushed.

Matteo chuckled softly. “Sounds good to me...but really, are you okay?” His voice was soft.

“I think so,” David nodded. “I just...needed to do that for me.”

“Thank you,” Matteo pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead.

“Hmm,” David smiled.

Matteo leaned down to press a kiss against David’s lips.

“I love you,” David murmured.

“Love you too,” Matteo smiled, “Now, let’s get out of here.”

“Okay,” David nodded.

Matteo nodded too, “Okay.”

——————————

After their morning, Matteo had suggested exploring the city before trying to get another ride. David had agreed and the two of them had walked the market they saw when they first arrived.

Matteo watched David wander around through the various vendor stands. He watched his boyfriend strike up a conversation with a vendor. David threw his head back and laughed at something the man said, but before Matteo could even feel jealous, David was waving him over.

“Gabin, this is my boyfriend, he’s never had oysters before,” David smiled.

Gabin nodded, “Yes. Well, we must fix that!”

“We must?” Matteo asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes!” Gabin exclaimed and Matteo watched him prepare two oysters and wrap up them up in a small container with ice, even throwing in a lemon wedge. He couldn’t help but smile at David’s excitement as he greedily took the container from the man. “Eat fast or they go bad,” Gabin instructed.

“How much?” Matteo asked, starting to pull his wallet from his back pocket.

He saw Gabin shake his head and hold up his hands, “On me. You two enjoy!”

“Alright,” Matteo nodded, “Thanks!”

He followed David over to a vacant bench and laughed as his boyfriend practically ripped the top off the container.

“Have you ever eaten an oyster before?” Matteo asked as he pulled out his phone and snapped a picture.

“Nope,” David shook his head.

Matteo nodded, “So?”

“So, here,” David grabbed both oysters and handed one to Matteo.

“Well, to eating an oyster for the first time,” Matteo held up the shell as if he were making a toast.

“To sharing things together for the first time,” David bumped his shell into Matteo’s.

Matteo watched as David tipped the shell into his mouth and followed suit. What he tasted next was wet, slimy, slippery, tough and left an after taste of salted wet garbage. He almost gagged, choking it down. He watched David react in a similar way, the other boy’s face contorting.

“Fuck, ugh,” David shook his head.

Matteo made a noise in agreement. “Disgusting.”

“And people eat these as an aphrodisiac?” Matteo watched David shudder as he swallowed again.

“Big turn off,” Matteo raised the back of his hand to his mouth and wiped, hoping to get some of the taste off. “I wouldn’t want anyone to fuck me after that.”

“I wouldn’t want to fuck anyone after that!” David coughed.

Matteo chuckled tossing the empty shell back into the ice container, “So you have no desire to do it right here, right now?”

“I can barely keep down my own saliva,” David shook his head with a laugh and threw his shell back into the container. “Sheisse! I’m going to find some water for us.”

Matteo laughed to himself for a second and was interrupted when he heard a WhatsApp notification. He laughed again when he saw it was Jonas calling their trip a “honeymoon.” If his best friend had only seen them a few hours ago. But things were good now. Matteo felt better and he hoped that after their morning, David did too. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like for David to do that. Literally bare himself like that. He really hoped David didn’t regret it, the other boy seemed like he didn’t. David had been more open...loving since it happened.

Looking at the abandoned oyster shells he couldn’t help himself and told Jonas about the experience. He smiled as he read Jonas’ **Miss you bro** , and realized that he missed Jonas too. Don’t get him wrong, he loved being with David, despite the rocky patches they’d already encountered. But, he did miss bro time. He’d have to get the boys over to the WG for beers and pizza when they got back to Berlin.

He chuckled out loud over Jonas asking about #MatteoMonday. He looked up for a second, trying to come up with a response when he saw David coming back with a bottle of water. He decided to try and end the chat as quickly as possible.

 **I didn’t bring my meme library to France with me** , he typed out and took the bottle from David.

“Jonas and Carlos asked about #MatteoMonday,” Matteo mentioned, taking a sip of the cool liquid, grateful to have the awful taste in his mouth cleared away.

David shook his head, “We’re on a trip. No work.”

“That’s what I told him,” Matteo shrugged and typed a few more times in the chat before turning off and pocketing his phone. “Jonas is temporarily taking over on Mondays.”

He saw David nod , “Won’t be as good as yours, but nothing is ever as good as the original.”

“Except pizza with hollandaise sauce,” Matteo teased. For some reason David agreed to try a slice of Abdi’s pizza when they were hanging out after the Abi’s. David ended up eating almost half of that pizza, much to Abdi’s delight.

“It’s good!” David protested. “And look at you Mr. Tzatziki sauce.”

“You wouldn’t even try it!” Matteo laughed.

“I’ll make you a deal. Next time we get pizza, I’ll try yours and you try mine?” David held out his hand.

“Deal,” Matteo reached out and grasped his boyfriend’s hand. “But in Berlin. Not Italy. When we get to Italy we're eating traditional Italian pizza.”

“Hmm,” Matteo heard David hum as they let their hands drop.

Even though things seemed good now, Matteo still needed closure. Raising his hand, he hooked his finger under David's chin and gently lifted it so they were eye to eye. “Are you okay with what happened?”

“Yeah,” David half smiled. “I don’t regret doing it. It’s not what I planned on, but I’m glad I did it.”

“What was your plan?” Matteo asked quietly.

David shrugged, “I hadn’t really figured it out yet.”

“Maybe this was better,” Matteo suggested. “Like ripping off a bandaid or something.” He hated the analogy, but the sentiment was kind of true.

“Yeah,” David agreed. “And you’re okay?”

“I’m okay,” Matteo pulled David into another kiss, this time pressing his hand to the back of the other boy’s head and deepening it. “Nothing about your body scares me away. Alright?” He murmured, his lips never loosing contact with David.

David nodded in response.

“So, quit trying to act like I’m going to dump you just because of biology,” Matteo looked David in the eyes. “I’m not. We’re together and I love you.”

“I just don’t want to loose you,” David admitted.

Matteo shook his head, “You’re not. But you need to stop second guessing me. We’re never going to work if you just think I’m constantly going to break up with you.” And he realized it was true. He wanted to be with David, loved being with him. Could see them together in the future. But it felt like he had to constantly prove to David that he wasn’t going to leave. He was tired of it.

“I know,” He felt David’s hand press against the small of his back. “It’s just issues I have to work through.”

“Next time, talk to me. I’m here,” Matteo promised. He squeezed David against him before letting go. “You want to get out of here?”

“Yeah,” David agreed, standing up.

The two walked hand-in-hand to the main road and Matteo playfully pushed David towards the edge. “Go get ‘em handsome.”

“You know, eventually it’s going to be your turn,” David shook his head and Matteo shrugged.

“We’ll see,” Matteo laughed.

Matteo watched as David gave him the finger. “If I get the very next car to pick us up, you hitch us to and back from Italy.”

“Sure, sure,” Matteo waved his hand, but much to his surprise, the next car to pass stopped and David waved Matteo over with a sly grin. To which Matteo shook his head as he approached.

“Better get your thumb in shape,” David chuckled climbing into the car.

Matteo rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that wraps up part of David's story arc. I hope you all enjoyed and thank you all so much for reading, commenting, and kudo-ing. I'm so appreciative of all your support! If you have any questions please feel free to ask them here or send me a message on Instagram. I'll answer pretty much anything I get. :)
> 
> Also, if you follow me on Instagram, I tend to give advance notice of when I'll be posting new chapters!


	9. Planning

**'Cause if I got you, if you got me**  
**We don't need nothing else at all**  
**Sleeping all day, driving all night**  
**Looking for a place we want to go**  
**Stole the night, now this world is ours, love**  
**Just us kids in a getaway car ~ _Getaway Car_ by Lea Michelle**

David ran a hand through his hair as he and Matteo walked down the street, taking in the clear water and the mountains in the background. It felt almost like a film and for once his hands didn’t itch to draw it out. After his and Matteo’s fight and make-up a few days prior, he wanted to focus on just _being_ with his boyfriend. This proved to be difficult when he spent the last four days riding in cars and walking along dirt roads and highways. But now they had made it to Geneva and had decided to spend a day in Switzerland before getting back on the road to Italy.

“Hey, psst,” David looked over to see a smirking Matteo.

“What?” David asked.

When Matteo didn’t answer, David shrugged and started walking again.

“Pssst,” Matteo whispered again.

David shook his head with a smile, “What?”

Wordlessly, Matteo shrugged. David was about to turn back around when he felt hands wind around his middle, and he was hauled back into Matteo’s chest.

“What are you doing?” David chuckled in amusement.

“Nothing. You bumped into me,” David could feel the boy shrug before he was let go.

Taking a few more steps forward, he wondered what they were going to do about sleeping arrangements. They hadn’t even looked up anything yet. Yeah, it was only early afternoon, but David was, for the most part, a planner. He had to plan how long he could go without having to take off his binder, had to plan his weeks around his shots, needed to know the quickest way out of new situations in case things went wrong.

There had only been two times that he needed to get out quickly. The first time happened at his old school when things got so bad that he just left through the closest exit and never turned back. He hadn’t planned it and had fully intended to just _suck it up_ and get through his Abi’s. That plan was derailed when the laughter, the name calling, _the questions_ made it impossible.

The second time was when he was outed after transferring. He had been excited, despite downplaying it, that Matteo had actually called, that the boy wanted to see him. He had not wanted to romanticize anything, but he hoped the two of them would talk and then maybe agree to try a relationship. But then the video happened and shot his plan to hell. So, he just ran. He had to get out. It had all happened all over again, and David couldn’t take it.

“So, hey, where are we sleeping tonight?” David asked, stopping his pace and turning to face his boyfriend.

He saw something in Matteo’s eyes that scared and yet excited him. “Well...”

“Well?” David repeated.

“I was thinking...” He saw Matteo smirk.

David cocked his head to the side, “Yes?”

“Well...how would you feel about sleeping under the stars,” Matteo grinned.

David stopped all movements and took in Matteo’s expression, trying to read him. “Are you serious?”

“You, me, a park bench under the stars baby,” Matteo laughed.

“Oh,” David didn’t quite know what to say. A part of him really wanted to do it. Really wanted to be spontaneous and do this. Another part, a smaller part, was screaming at him not to. For a lot of boys, sleeping outside on a bench was absolutely no big deal. But to him, it meant being in public without a binder, something he hadn’t done since before he started transitioning. Sure, he had Laura’s gift, but it wasn’t the same.

“We...we don’t have to,” David watched as Matteo’s face fall and the smile dropped from his face.

“No, I...I want to,” David nodded. He wanted to take this step. He wanted to stop being such a planner and start living in the moment.

“Okay then,” Matteo smiled.

David nodded and reached for Matteo’s hand again as he started walking again. He felt his hand being tugged back before he was lightly kicked on the back of his shoe.

“Asshole,” David shook his head.

Matteo just shrugged and then David was being yanked backwards again. He thought Matteo might kiss him but the he was gently shoved forwards.

“Let’s go get dinner, stud,” Matteo smirked.

David smiled and lead Matteo down the street.

———————

David grunted as he felt his back connect with the stall door. He knew the bathroom was probably disgusting and hadn’t been cleaned properly in a while, but he didn’t care. He wanted Matteo and they hadn’t been together in several days.

Matteo reached down and David felt his pants and boxers slip down his thighs and come to rest right at his knees.

“Fuck me,” David rasped grabbing for Matteo’s fly.

“Yes,” Matteo moaned.

“Condom,” David demanded, pulling Matteo closer to him.

Matteo groaned, but reached into the pocket of his backpack and yanked one out. As soon as he stood back up, David made quick work of Matteo’s fly and freed him from his jeans and boxers.

Pulling the condom from Matteo’s fingers, David quickly ripped open the foil and with shaking hands, rolled the rubber onto his boyfriend.

“Lube?” Matteo panted.

“No...just do it,” David whined, pulling Matteo into a sloppy kiss.

“Are you sure?” And if David wasn’t so filled with need, he would have cuddled the boy.

“Fuck, Matteo, just fuck me!”

Matteo nodded, wrapping his arm around David’s back as he guided himself into David at the same time.

“Matteo,” David whimpered, feeling his boyfriend push in deep.

“You okay?” Matteo whispered, one hand reaching up to grip the top of the door.

David nodded, moving his hips, trying to get the other boy to move. He gripped Matteo’s bicep and moaned. “Harder!” He cried out. Most times, David enjoyed it when they took their time, but now he wanted nothing more than to have it rough and hard and quick. Maybe it was motivated by the fact that they were doing it in a public park restroom in a grungy stall.

He felt Matteo start to piston his hips and lifted one of his legs to wrap around the back of the other boy’s thighs. He knew he wasn’t going to last long.

“You’re close,” Matteo grunted, moving his hand to grasp David’s hip. David whimpered as he was pulled into a kiss, and everything around them faded. All he could feel was Matteo’s body against his, filling him up to the point where his nerves felt raw and he was struck with so much need for this boy inside of him.

David opened his mouth to scream, moan, whine...he didn’t know what. But nothing came out except silence as he shuddered around Matteo, clinging to the other boy.

He felt Matteo give two more hard thrusts before collapsing against him.

“Oh, fuck,” David panted, unwrapping his leg from Matteo. He felt slightly wobbly.

Matteo laughed softly and David felt him gently pull out. He couldn’t help but whimper as he was separated from his boyfriend.

“Shh,” Matteo soothed, getting rid of the condom as quickly as he could. David giggled as he was pulled into Matteo’s arms.

“That...” David shuddered out a breath. “Fuck.”

The rumble of Matteo’s laugh went through him. “Incredible.”

“Yeah,” David yawned, hating the fact that they had thought sleeping on a park bench would be fun. There was nothing more he wanted at that minute than to be in a bed with Matteo. He couldn’t help himself as he started to giggle. “I can’t believe we just did that.”

Matteo’s laugh made David grin even wider. “Believe it,” Matteo breathed, pulling a pliant David’s leg back around his waist and thrusting sharply. David heard as high-pitched whine reverberate around the room, and he shivered in oversensitivity and pleasure.

“Wh-What has gotten into you?” David moaned, dropping his head back against the stall door, placing his foot back on the ground.

“Maybe it’s the oysters finally kicking in,” David felt the boy’s lips attach themselves to the Sid of his neck, the boy’s teeth scraping David’s skin.

“Right, days later,” David playfully said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. “Come on, someone might come in,” He gently pushed at his boyfriend’s shoulders, but not hard enough to really do anything.

Matteo straightened up, “Would that be so bad?”

Shrugging David gripped Matteo’s shoulders. He felt the boy rub against him. His boyfriend was hard again. “Are you...?”

“Want to go another round?” Matteo chuckled, reaching into his bag and producing another condom.

“This is crazy,” David laughed, but pulled Matteo in for another kiss.

———————

“So, we’re really doing this?” David laughed in disbelief as he followed Matteo to a bench overlooking the water.

Matteo just smirked, “Come on.”

David did have to admit that after covering the bench with a blanket, it wasn’t as bad as he thought. And with the breeze coming in from the waterfront, he was fine wearing Matteo’s hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. He wasn’t feeling nearly as self-conscious as he assumed, with just the little bit of compression Laura’s gift brought. He could do this, and if not, he had his binder folded up in the pocket of the hoodie so if need be, he could run to the restroom and put it on.

“You good,” David felt Matteo’s breath on his cheek as the boy wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He shamelessly snuggled into Matteo’s side, leaning his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“I’m good,” He agreed. “This is actually kind of nice.”

Matteo nodded, “I always wanted to do this, you know?”

“Sleep on a park bench?” David teased, pinching Matteo’s hip.

“No, spend the whole night with someone.”

David presses a kiss to the side of Matteo’s neck, “Hate to break it to you, but we spend most nights together back home. So much so that I think I might have to start paying Hans rent.”

“I mean, like this,” David felt Matteo wave his hand slightly. “Just you and me and nothing else. No roof over our head. Just the sky, and the water and us.”

“I think the sea water is starting to affect your brain.” David chuckled.

Matteo shook his head, “Nope. Just happy.”

Not knowing quite how to respond and feeling a little breathless, David lifted his head and pressed a kiss to the side of Matteo’s mouth. He felt his boyfriend smile and pull him closer. With the small breeze ruffling his hair and Matteo’s warm body pressed against his, not to mention that he felt wore out from their earlier _activities_ , he found himself starting to drift into sleep.

“We need a selfie,” Matteo declared, breaking David’s peaceful haze.

David snorted, “A selfie?”

“Yup,” Matteo pulled out his phone.

“It’s too dark,” David remarked, laughing as his boyfriend fiddled with his phone trying to get a good angle.

“Here, lean towards that street lamp,” David went along with Matteo as he was pulled and position into place. He leaned his head against Matteo’s shoulder waiting for his boyfriend to do what he wanted.

“Perfect!” Matteo laughed.

Yawning, David sat up a little, “You took it?” He watched Matteo play with his phone for a few seconds.

“And posted!” Matteo chuckled.

“Let me see,” David gently took Matteo’s phone from the boy. “ _Sleep over on a park bench_? You know my sister checks in on me through your Instagram? She’s going to kill us.” He laughed, but at the same time was scared of Laura’s reaction.

She may look tiny and sweet, but she could be the thing a person’s worse nightmare was made of. _Yeah_ , he was definitely not looking forward to getting an earful from her.

“Oh, _poor baby_ , are you scared of your sister?” Matteo mock cooed.

David lightly smacked Matteo’s thigh. “Okay, next time she calls, then how about you answer the phone? Hmm?” Looking up, David saw fear flash across his boyfriend’s features. “That’s what I thought.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a short while, just taking in the night, until Matteo broke it.

“You’re doing your application film when we get back?”

David nodded, slowly running his hand up and down Matteo’s chest. “Mmhmm.”

“Did you ever figure out what you’re doing?” David felt Matteo’s head lean against his. Matteo caught David’s hand that was currently running up and down the boy’s chest and intertwined their fingers.

David shrugged. “I have an idea. But it’s not flushed out yet. I just...you know identity and feeling like a... basically an outcast my entire life.”

“Yeah,” Matteo kisses the top of David’s head. “You don’t still feel like that, do you?”

“Sometimes,” David admitted. “It’s called social dysphoria.”

“Hmm,” David could see Matteo trying to process.

“Yeah. I guess you didn’t realize dating me meant dating all my fucked up issues, huh?” David tried to joke, but knew it fell flat.

Matteo shook his head, “Bet you didn’t realize you’d be dating the guy who used drugs to escape his fucked up problems.”

“But not anymore,” David commented.

“Most of the time,” Matteo admitted. “And no harder shit.”

David nodded, “I’m not really into the whole _my boyfriend takes drugs_ thing.”

“I know,” Matteo held David a little tighter. “And I’m not feeling the whole _my boyfriend judges himself unfairly_ vibe.”

“We’re a pair,” David chuckled softly.

“Yeah,” Matteo agreed. “So, your application film...”

“Is a comment on society. Deeper meaning stuff,” David closed his eyes. He could picture it in his head, what he wanted audiences to feel. How he wanted it to be viewed.

“Sounds boring,” Matteo teased. “But I’m sure it’s going to be amazing.”

“You have to say that. You love me.”

Matteo shrugged, “Isn’t an obligation if it’s true.”

David giggled, kissing Matteo’s shoulder through his sweater. “I love you.”

“You have to say that. You love me,” Matteo mocked.

“I do,” David agreed. “And you love me.”

He heard Matteo let out a happy sigh, “Of course.”

———————

The first rays of light filtered across the landscape. It felt so calm out. Yawning and stretching, David sat up. He smiled at Matteo who had fallen asleep with his head thrown back at an odd angle and his arm gently clenching around David’s knee.

They had stayed up most of the night talking and when they felt too tired, they just held one another watching the night together. Matteo had passed out about a half hour prior, but David was too wired to follow his boyfriend into sleep.

He had thought at one point they’d run out of things to talk about, but the conversation kept going.

David watched as a few people walked quickly across the sidewalks, probably heading to work. Turning on his phone, he saw that it was earlier, but not so early as to not be noticed by passerby’s.

“Matteo,” he whispered, using his finger to sweep a stray hair off of his boyfriend’s face. “Matteo.”

“Hmm...to early... sleep,” Matteo whined quietly.

David chuckled, “I’m going to the bathroom, you going to be okay?”

“Stay,” Matteo’s hand grasped his knee even tighter.

“I have to go put on my binder. I’ll be right back,” David pressed a kiss to Matteo’s cheek before extracting himself from the boy’s grasp.

He quickly made his way into the restroom, his cheeks going red when he saw the stall that he and Matteo had otherwise occupied a few hours earlier. Tapping down his embarrassment mixed with excitement, he went in and locked the door. As fast as he could, which wasn’t as fast as he would’ve liked, he got ready. He chose to forgo putting the hoodie back on and with a quick look in the mirror, he ran a hand through his hair to smooth it down and left the restroom.

A vibrating from his picked signaled an incoming message and he laughed at what he read. It was the boy’s asking if they were okay and commenting that they looked homeless. It was nice to know that he had friends who cared. And _Davenzi_? Did Jonas just give them a fucking ship name?

**That’s freedom!!** he typed in response.

He giggled when he saw Matteo’s response and the _Titanic_ gif.

He opened his and Matteo’s chat. **So, does this mean I have to be fucking Rose?**

**nope. you’re Billy Zane what’s his characters name. even though he was evil I think he was gay for jack**

David shook his head in amusement. **they were definitely not gay**

**they would have fucked if the ship didn’t sink**

**Sure** , he laughed and inserted an eye rolling emoji.

**when are you coming back. you’ve been gone too long**

David shook his head with a smile. **Give me ten seconds**

**ten, nine, eight** came the response.

Another notification popped up from Laura and David groaned, opening her message.

**Tell me that you and Matteo spending the night on a park bench was a joke**

David cringed. **umm…it was a joke**

**Lies. That is incredibly dangerous. Anything could have happened to you and Matteo!**

**I know. But we’re in Switzerland so… ******

**So you’re idiots!** David laughed at Laura’s response.  


Shaking his head, David typed back, **sorry**.

**You better be,** she typed and a second later another message. **By the way, I met a guy.**

David went to respond but saw she had signed off. He typed out a message anyways. _What the fuck?_ He typed out a quick message to her. **What? Call me**

Pocketing his phone, David watched Matteo kept texting. It calmed him and he knew the boy was texting him because his phone kept going off. He paused a moment and the words he had said to Matteo months ago came flooding back. _I’m excited for us and all the things to come._ He realized that it was times like these that he had meant. The excitement of seeing the person you love, joking around with them, staying up all night talking.

It was the unplanned moments that he was excited for. And maybe, David realized, it was time to just _do_ instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story now has a theme song! It's "Getaway Car" by Lea Michelle! 
> 
> Also, I'm working on something to accompany this story, so if you could (or if you have one), please let me know some of your favorite lines or moments in the story so far!
> 
> Don't forget to follow my Instagram and Tumblr for announcements of when chapters are going to be posted, sneak peaks, and other fun things!
> 
> **Edited super quickly. I'll be away for the next week, so I probably won't update again until next Saturday or Sunday. But I'll post sneaky peak stuff on Insta and Tumblr!**


	10. Sunblock is for babies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: transphobic remarks
> 
> *Sorry if some formatting is wonky. I’m updating from my phone - so, not the friendliest way to do it.

**Someday, I won't be afraid of my head** **Someday, I will not be chained to my bed**  
**Someday, I'll forget the day he left**  
**But surely not today**  
**One day, I won't need a PhD**  
**To sit me down and tell me what it all means**  
**Maybe one day it'll be a breeze**  
**But surely not today ~ _Not Today_ by Alessia** **Cara**

It was like everything was happening in slow motion. He could see it, hear it, but he was powerless to stop it. He felt frozen, absolutely rooted to the spot.

The look on David’s face was crushing, but he didn’t know what to do. Why the fuck did this have to happen?

They had been having a great night, had made it from Geneva to Genoa. A younger dude had picked them up and brought them along. Matteo was grateful he didn’t have to hitch anymore.

David had been the one to suggest going to a bar for a drink. And Matteo readily agreed, dying for a beer. He had really tried to refrain from drinking on the trip, wanting a clear head. But one drink sounded amazing right then.

It took a little longer, but they finally found a small tavern they both agreed on. It was quaint and they had commandeered a table in the back. David heading up to the bar to get their drinks.

Matteo smiled as he watched his boyfriend walk away. Pulling out his phone, he found the courage to read Laura’s text, which basically chewed him out for being _stupid_ and that her brother was an _idiot_ and they needed to be more careful.

 **sorry Laura** , he texted and thought about sending an emoji that looked embarrassed, but decided against.

Looking up, he noticed that his boyfriend was taking longer then necessary. A frown was on David’s face as he spoke with the bartender. Matteo sent another quick text to Hans, letting the man know he was still alive.

When he was done, Matteo saw David still talking to the bartender, a confused look on his face. He pocketed his phone and crossed the room, wanting to know what was going on.

“Hey,” Matteo said in English, deciding to use a more universal language. “What’s up?”

“He won’t sell to me,” David said tightly back in English.

“Why?” Matteo turned to the bartender as he asked the question.

“Girl,” the bartender stated. “He girl.”

Matteo felt himself physically react. His whole body rolling as if he had been hit. “What?”

“Can’t sell. No boy ID,” The bartender shrugged. Matteo looked over and saw red painting David’s cheeks.

“I’m not a girl,” David argued.

“He’s not a girl,” Matteo felt his hands ball into fists at his sides.

The bartender shook his head.

“Well, fuck you.” Matteo exclaimed.

“Come back when you girl or have boy ID,” the bartender said David’s birth name and Matteo felt his heart stop and David’s face crumpled.

Matteo stood shocked before his brain finally kicked in. Acting quickly, Matteo wrapped an arm around his shaking boyfriend’s shoulders. He told the bartender to fuck off and guided David out of the tavern.

“I...just...” David stuttered out once they were in the warm summer night air.

Matteo pulled David into his arms, holding him tightly. He didn’t care that they were blocking foot traffic, or that some passerby’s were giving them odd looks.

David shuddered a breath and Matteo knew he was trying hard not to cry.

“I’m here,” it was the only thing Matteo could say. He couldn’t say it was alright, because it wasn’t.

“How could he?” David sniffled, pulling back slightly.

Matteo shook his head. “He’s an asshole prick.”

“You didn’t even know my birth name. What gives him the right to fucking call me that?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t...it doesn’t change anything for me. I, umm, can’t forget what I heard, but I...”

Matteo felt David shake his head, “Please, Matteo. Please just stop talking. Let’s just get back to that fucking hostel. Okay?”

Nodding, Matteo follow the boy up the road to the hostel they had found. They had to share a room with nine other guys and it killed Matteo. But at least he and David were sharing a bunk bed. But even that wasn’t a great solution.

When they got back to the room, the majority of the other guys were already there. Matteo waited to get into bed until David returned from the restroom. He watched as the boy silently climbed up the ladder to the top bunk. He hated this. Hated that he couldn’t talk to his boyfriend, be there for him. It sucked. He regretted not just spending the extra money and getting a private room.

He closed his eyes trying to come up with any idea of how to help David process, but he couldn’t. This wasn’t something that could be fixed by talking or physical affection.

The bed was softly shaking and Matteo’s heart plummeted. He knew, _knew_ without a doubt that his boyfriend was crying. Looking around, he heard snores filling the dark room and _fuck it_. He scrambled out of the covers and climbed up the ladder. David’s back was to him and Matteo sighed and climbed up next to him. He wrapped an arm around David’s middle and felt the other boy stiffen before relaxing into him.

“Talk to me,” he whispered.

David shook his head and hiccuped.

“Please?” Matteo begged. “How can I make this better?”

He felt David shrug. “Why did he have to say it?”

“He’s an ass. I’m sorry,” Matteo pressed a kiss to the back of David’s head.

“I’m being stupid. It’s dumb. I...I lived with that name for thirteen years. And it’s not a bad name. But...I’m not that person.”

Matteo shook his head, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Nothing,” David said before sitting up. Matteo frowned. “There’s nothing anyone can say. This is the shit I’m talking about, Matteo!” David said in a harsh whisper.

Matteo could only hold on a little tighter. It honestly felt like the bartender was talking about a different person. It burned him that one of David’s first experiences in Italy was so horrible. It really hurt that this country, half of who he was, had upset his boyfriend so much. He so badly wanted David to understand that it didn’t matter to Matteo. But he knew it was an earth shattering, huge blow for David. One Matteo couldn’t understand, despite trying to. To him a name was just a name. But to David, he knew a name meant identity. The very fabric of his being. And that was something that needed to be respected.

“I should’ve punched the guy,” Matteo stated and felt David let out a small snort of laughter.

David shook his head. “And have you get arrested for assaulting someone?”

“You should’ve punched him,” Matteo joked quietly.

“Maybe,” David slightly laughed before getting quiet again. “I know it’s just a name, but it’s _my_ name.”

“I know,” Matteo agreed. “And I love _you.”_

“Love you, too,” David sighed. 

Matteo could only lay helpless, holding the boy. 

_————————_

They hadn’t been walking for too long before David plopped himself down on a bench and pulled out his sketchbook. It was something that Matteo had to get used to, but secretly loved. Whenever inspiration would strike, David would stop what he was doing and sketch whatever was in his brain. It usually resulted in half drawn sketches or lines that looked like the beginnings of pictures. 

Taking a seat next to the boy, Matteo tried to see what had caught David. He saw what looked like a globe with greenery inside: the Acquario di Geneva. He had never been there, but from the few times he’d visited Italy, he knew of it. 

Matteo rubbed up David’s arm, only to be shrugged off. He saw David shoot him an apologetic smile. 

Matteo internally sighed. David had been putting on a act all morning, playing happy, kissing Matteo, smiling. But Matteo saw past all of it. He knew David was still hurting over what happened at the bar and he had stayed up long after the boy had fallen asleep trying to come up with a way to cheer him up. It sucked because right before dawn cracked the sky, Matteo forced himself to go back to his own bunk, not wanting to draw too much attention to themselves. 

He watched David curve lines and shade in corners and it was almost hypnotizing the way his boyfriend just instinctively knew what to do. But the peace was broken at the feel of his phone vibrating in his pocket. 

Pulling out his phone, he turned slightly from David and saw a message from his father. He groaned as he read the message asking to see him. Matteo rolled his eyes. Sure, a part of him did want to see his father. He missed him, or maybe just the idea of having a _dad_ , but his father had abandoned him. He knew if he didn’t see the man, there was a chance that his dad would stop giving him money to live, and he desperately needed the help. Most months he was barely making it. Maybe they could just stop for a few minutes if it meant his rent would be paid. He hated being dependent on the man, wished he could make it on his own, but it wasn’t possible right now. 

__Matteo ignored it for the time being, hoping that his dad would just forget the whole thing. He knew that wasn’t going to happen, but wanted to live in blissful ignorance for as long as possible, or until his dad texted him again._ _

__“Hey,” Matteo decided to turn all his attention to David._ _

__“Sketching,” David muttered, not looking up._ _

__Matteo grabbed the pencil and sketchbook from David’s hands much to his boyfriend’s protest._ _

__“Matteo!” David argued._ _

__Matteo smiled and got down on one knee in front of the boy. He could see David’s face change from annoyed to fearful within seconds._ _

__“Matteo,” David’s voice was shaking. “What are you doing?”_ _

__Matteo laughed, “David Schreibner...”_ _

__“Matteo,” David’s eyes grew wide and Matteo could see a few people start to take interest in them._ _

__“I have something I want to ask you. Something important,” Matteo took David’s hands into his and he could feel his boyfriend trembling slightly._ _

__“Matteo,” David repeated._ _

__Matteo kissed each of David’s hands in his. “David Schreibner...”_ _

__“Don’t you fucking dare.” Matteo had to strain to hear David’s voice._ _

__“Will you...”_ _

__“Stop,” David pleaded._ _

__Matteo shook his head, “Will you be my boyfriend?”_ _

__He saw the moment David’s brain processed what Matteo had said._ _

__“You’re an asshole, you know that?” David shook his head and Matteo let go of David’s hand to wipe a few stray tears from the boy’s face._ _

__“I’m sorry. I just wanted to make you feel better,” Matteo smiled. He watched as the crowd dissipated when they realized there really wasn’t anything to see._ _

__“Is...is marriage something you want?”_ _

__Matteo froze because he hadn’t really thought about it. He never pictured himself doing the whole marriage thing. And after he saw what happened with his parents, it was never a goal for him. But now, he didn’t know. He could see himself with David for a long time. Could see them sharing a life together. But was that in the form of marriage? He didn’t know._ _

__“Do you?” Matteo asked standing up and resuming his seat next to David. He watched as David shrugged._ _

__“Maybe. I know I want commitment,” David nodded._ _

__“Me too,” Matteo stated because he did. He wanted to be with someone, _David_ , for a very long time. Maybe even forever. _ _

__“Are we even at the point where we should be talking about this?”_ _

__Matteo shrugged, “Does it matter?”_ _

__“Not to me, but I feel like it should...I mean, from what I know even Hanna and Jonas didn’t really get to this point and they were together longer than us,” David pointed out._ _

__“Yeah,” Matteo knew that his and David’s relationship went fast. That they had passed milestones in days and weeks that it took some couples months or years to pass. Saying I love you, having sex, already intertwining their lives so inexplicably that it felt like they were living together most of the time._ _

__“But it feels right. We feel right,” David reached for Matteo’s hand._ _

__“We do,” Matteo squeezed David’s hand._ _

__Matteo leaned in close to David, “You are more than a name, okay? Don’t let that asshole or anyone else make you think anything less. You are David Schreibner, my very cute, sexy, loving and incredible boyfriend. And I’m Matteo Florenzi, your incredibly sexy and irresistible man.” He smirked._ _

__David laughed. “It’s just...that name is so...it’s not who I am. It’s just a reminder, you know? Of all the kids at my old school who thought it was funny to call me it. Who used it to make me feel like I didn’t belong.”_ _

__“Hmm,” Matteo hummed._ _

__David nodded, “Yeah. I guess it’s funny how a name can become so important. The day I was able to call myself David was a huge step for me. It meant that my transition was really happening. Maybe that sounds stupid, I don’t know,” David shrugged and Matteo could see his cheeks starting to tinge red. “I don’t really know how to explain it.”_ _

__“Hey!” Matteo shook his head, “You don’t have to justify yourself to me. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. It’s important to you. That’s all that matters.”_ _

__“Okay,” David smiled, and Matteo could swear his boyfriend looked lighter, relieved. “Matteo, promise if we ever get to the point of marriage, we talk about it first. I don’t think I can take any surprise proposals.”_ _

__Matteo feigned shock, “Why, Mr. Schreibner, who said I was going to be the one proposing? I fully expect to be wooed off my feet. We’re talking roses, big romantic gestures, lots of crying, the works, sir.”_ _

__“I’ll file that note away,” David laughed and Matteo stuck his tongue out. They both giggled before falling silent. “I just wish things were different. That my life didn’t always have to be on display for strangers.”_ _

__“I know,” Matteo brought the back of David’s hand to his lips._ _

__“Yeah,” David gently pull his hand back before Matteo felt it move to his cheek. David’s thumb stroking the skin.._ _

__“Do you want to hang out here some more?” Matteo asked, trying to get a read on David’s mood. Over the few months they’d been together, Matteo had gotten better at gauging his boyfriend’s feelings. But in a lot of ways, David was still a bit of an enigma, one that Matteo worked hard to understand._ _

__“Come, let’s walk,” David said, putting his sketchbook in Matteo’s backpack. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and also tossed it in there before standing up._ _

__“Why am I stuck holding your shit?” Matteo grumbled, But really wasn’t all that bothered by it._ _

__David just laughed in response and Matteo felt his hand being grasped and held._ _

__“Where are we going?” Matteo laughed as he stumbled to catch up with David._ _

__That familiar giggle that Matteo loved so much greeted his ears. “You’ll see.”_ _

__————————_ _

__The water wasn’t as cold as he assumed as he and David splashed at each other with their feet. They hadn’t thought to bring their swimsuits, but would definitely be back the next day._ _

__Ending the recording, Matteo stepped back over to where they had set their stuff, with the towel they rented from the beach bar. Slipping off his shirt, he leaned back on the towel, enjoying the warm sun on his face._ _

__Pulling his phone out, he did a quick check on Instagram to see what the boys were up to. He didn’t realize he had laughed out loud when he pulled up Carlos’ video asking about Matteo Monday until a few girls gave him an odd look._ _

__He watched David walk along the shore for a second before making a quick video response and posting it._ _

__“You’re going to get burned,” Matteo smiled when he saw David standing over him. The other boy blocking the sun._ _

__“You are too,” he quipped back, pointing to David’s bare arms._ _

__“We should just buy some sun block,” David suggested, but Matteo shook his head with a laugh._ _

__“Sunblock is for babies, we’re men,” he joked and puffed out his chest._ _

__He saw David shake his head. “You just don’t want us to spend the five Euros.”_ _

__“We don’t need it. We’re German. I’m gay. You’re pan. We’re protected from the evil Sun,” Matteo shrugged and watched David frown._ _

__“I...I...” David said in exasperation, “I don’t even know how to respond to that.”_ _

__Matteo laughed and puckered his lips. “Kiss?”_ _

__“Why should you get rewarded for that?” David laughed and Matteo wrapped his arms around the boy’s hips, pulling him forward. Matteo watched David roll his eyes but press a quick kiss to Matteo’s lips anyways. Matteo felt David’s arms wrap around his shoulders as they pulled apart._ _

__“I’m really glad we’re doing this,” David smiled._ _

__“Me too,” Matteo nodded, slipping his hand underneath David’s shirt. He felt his boyfriend stiffen in his arms._ _

__“You just put wet sand down my back, didn’t you?” David stood up and shook himself, fanning out the back of his shirt. “Ass.”_ _

__Matteo could only laugh at the sigh of his boyfriend unintentionally dancing in one spot, trying to rid himself of the sand._ _

__————————_ _

__The room was dark when they got back to the hostel and Matteo sighed in relief to find the room empty except for his and David’s stuff. It was already pretty late by the time they had left the beach and wandered around some. So, he hoped that meant they had the room to themselves for the night._ _

__They got changed quickly, both deciding to cuddle together in Matteo’s bottom bunk. Matteo pushed David so he was sitting sideways on the small mattress, while Matteo spread out, resting his head in his boyfriend’s lap. He tugged at David’s hand placing it in his hair._ _

__“You’re needy,” David laughed softly and Matteo sighed in content as the boy started to run his fingers through his hair._ _

__Matteo turned onto his side, his face pressed into David’s stomach. “My dad wants to see me.”_ _

__“He does?” Matteo could tell David was trying to keep his voice even._ _

__“Yeah,” Matteo closed his eyes. “I don’t think I want to see him.”_ _

__“So don’t.”_ _

__“If I don’t, he might stop giving me money and if I can’t pay rent, I’ll have to move back in with my mom and I don’t think I can handle that,” Matteo reached his hand out to wrap awkwardly around David’s waist._ _

__“I’m sure it won’t come to that,” David’s fingers scratched his scalp gently. “Why don’t you want to see him?”_ _

__Matteo shrugged, “The day he left...mom was a wreck and I just...I didn’t understand, I don’t understand how he could just abandon his son. Mom thinks... she thinks I should forgive him. Quoted some Bible verse to me, but he just gave up.”_ _

__“Maybe you should see him. Get some closure,” David suggested._ _

__“Would you see your parents?” Matteo asked softly. He was just so torn up about it. This was his dad, but it was also his sanity. He wanted the man to hurt as much as he did, was, still is. He wanted his father to know what it was like to be rejected._ _

__Matteo was just so sick of it all. He was tired of waiting for his dad to come around. For fucks sake, his dad didn’t even know he was in a serious committed relationship. He didn’t know his only son was in love. His father didn’t know he was finally happy. And that hurt the most. He couldn’t share this with his dad._ _

__“What’re you thinking?” David’s quiet voice pulled him from his thoughts._ _

__“That I’m happy,” He started. “I’m in love and my dad doesn’t know.”_ _

__“Do you want to tell him?”_ _

__Matteo thought for a second. _Did he?_ “I don’t want him to ruin this for me.”_ _

__“Matteo,” David’s fingers stilled in Matteo’s hair. “No one can ruin us but _us_. Okay? So see him, don’t see him. We’ll be alright.”_ _

__“Okay,” Matteo sat up and pulled David into a kiss._ _

__“Sleep?” Matteo watched as David maneuvered himself so he was lying down._ _

__Quickly, Matteo followed suit and waited for David’s breathing to even out. He pulled out his phone and started a new message to his dad._ _

__**Dad, I need you to know two things. First, I’m happy and in love with a boy named David. Second, I’m not ready to see you. Maybe when mom is better we can talk. I hope you can understand that.** _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The part in the bar was the first thing I wrote when I decided to write this series. At first this story was just going to be about gender identity and name identity, but it became so much bigger than that.


	11. I love you, you idiot

****

**Now I hear sounds in the hallway  
** Rocking chairs are moving on their own  
I'm falling for you  
So much so that it's freaking me out **~ _Freaking Me Out_ by Ava Max**

David had never really felt a connection to anyone. Sure, he had crushes - Elli in third grade, Vischer in sixth grade, and Evert in eighth grade. But in terms of wanting to be with someone, that didn’t happen until he had met Matteo.

At first, he wasn’t sure what it was. He thought it may just be because he thought Matteo was cute. But then everything he did became cute. From his stuttering to talk to David, to his staring on the bus, to his playfulness. And David realized that he wanted more than friendship from Matteo. He wanted to share secrets, to tell Matteo things, and not just important things. Things like the one time he saw a huge bird in the park, or the time he saw a sale on cheese. But he held himself back. They weren’t there yet. But even in the early stage, he felt like he could say anything to Matteo. Talk to him about anything. And it freaked him out that he could trust someone so fast.

But as he and Matteo grew closer, the more scared he became. Scared that the more Matteo learned about him, the more Matteo would wonder why he was involved with such a train wreck of a person. But Matteo had just taken everything David threw at him without question.

And when Matteo looked at him like he was the only thing in the world, it was so amazing. So much so, that David had wanted to do something special for the boy. So, when they went back to the beach, David had asked Matteo to go get them a few sodas while he set up their spot. When he was sure Matteo was out of sight, he took of his t-shirt and shucked his sweat pants off, where he was wearing a swim binder and a pair of swim shorts. Setting out their towels, he folded his clothes and walked out to the water. He was grateful it was warm out because the water was cool but felt good. He adjusted his sunglasses and laid down in the water.

He was almost dozing off when he felt a shadow block out the warm sun. Slowly opening his eyes, he saw Matteo standing over him with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Hey,” David smiled, but made no move to get up.

He laughed when Matteo didn’t respond and sat up. He grabbed his boyfriend’s hand to help yank himself up to his feet.

“Matteo?” He chuckled, letting go of his boyfriend’s hand.

“You said...you said you didn’t swim,” Matteo’s mouth gaped open.

David reached out and placed his hand under Matteo’s chin and gently pressed up, closing the boy’s mouth.

“I didn’t say I didn’t swim. I said that I didn’t have a suit,” David shrugged.

“Where did you get that? How are you wet? I don’t...” Matteo stuttered, and David couldn’t help but notice how Matteo’s eyes kept sweeping up and down his body.

At first it really freaked him when Matteo would do that, check him out. He kept thinking the boy was looking for a tell, to try and see anything _girl_. When people found out about him at his old school, aside from the bullying, there were the awkward statements like: _you could never tell you’re a girl_ or _You don’t look like a girl_. It was humiliating that people still thought of him as a _her_ , just waiting for him to slip up and reveal the body he was born in. Waiting for that _gotcha_ moment.

But with Matteo, when Matteo looked at him, he wasn’t trying to have that _gotcha_ minute. The boy was checking him out because Matteo was attracted to him. And that was hard to accept at first. That he, David Schreibner, was sexually attractive to someone. But every time he and Matteo had sex; he was convinced a little more that he was sexy. Even when they weren’t being physically intimate, Matteo still made him feel attractive in the way they’d joke and play around, or just sitting and talking while holding hands, or even just making out just to make out.

So, David had wanted to do something special. He was vague when he told Matteo that there really weren’t swimsuits made for trans people. He had hoped Matteo wouldn’t do research and figure out he was lying. But then Matteo had failed his Spanish abi and David knew his boyfriend would be too busy to look into it or maybe forget about it altogether. And he did, until this moment. And David knew that he had Matteo.

“Do you have the sodas?” David asked casually.

“Yes, I mean no, I mean yes, I got them but I, no I don’t have them. The towels are on them....I mean they are on the towels,” Matteo stuttered much to David’s amusement.

“So...yes?” David chuckled, wrapping an arm around Matteo’s waist and wresting his palm on the small of his boyfriend’s back. He knew he was getting Matteo wet, but he didn’t care. And Matteo didn’t seem to mind from the expression on his face and the hand that was squeezing his shoulder tightly.

“Come, I want to dry off.” He pulled out of Matteo’s grasp and walked back up the beach to their towels. Picking up one of the towels, he quickly toweled off before wrapping it around his shoulders. A few seconds later, Matteo joined him, laying down right next to him.

Matteo nuzzled his nose into David’s back.

“I take it you like my swim suit,” David laughed.

“I love it,” David felt Matteo’s fingers gliding over the damp material.

“Good surprise?” David turned his head to look at Matteo, only to be met with his boyfriend’s lips pressing against his.

“Amazing surprise,” Matteo laughed, pressing another kiss to David’s lips before laying down.

“Hmm,” David hummed and when he saw Matteo had fallen asleep, he pulled his phone from his sweatpants pocket. Opening up Instagram, he saw a few photos from Kiki, Carlos and Amira. He laughed out loud when he scrolled to see that Matteo had posted a photo of him in the water with a caption in Italian and a crab emoji. He pressed _See translation_ and laughed: Seafood.

Looking over to Matteo, he leaned down and kissed the boy’s forehead. “I love you, you idiot.”

—————————

“You’re it.”

“You’re it.”

“It.”

“It.”

“Matteo, I swear to fuck,” David warned as they walked up the road.

They fell silent for a few minutes before David felt a kick to his heel.

“Psst, you’re it.”

“You are such a fucking pain in the ass,” David stopped walking and laughed.

Matteo shrugged. “You weren’t saying that last night.”

David shook his head.

“Especially you’re _oh Matteo harder_ , and you’re _I’m going to come_ ,” Matteo teased.

“Fuck you,” David rolled his eyes.

Matteo shook his head, “But I believe it was I who was fucking you Mr. Schreibner.”

“Is it your goal that we don’t have sex again on this trip?” David raised in eyebrow.

Matteo held up his hands but laughed, “You would be punishing yourself as much as me.”

“Sure, sure,” David dismissed him. “I bet I could go a lot longer than you.”

“That’s a bet no one wins,” Matteo laughed.

David laughed, “I suppose it is.”

They walked on in companionable silence, every once in a while, Matteo would stick his thumb out to try and stop a passing car. He’d been trying to get them a ride for the last hour and David laughed at his boyfriend’s frustration.

“I, uh, I texted my dad a few days ago. Told him I wasn’t going to see him,” Matteo stated.

David nodded, “Did he respond?”

“No, but he’s supposed to send me money in the next few days. I guess I’ll see if he still does.”

“I’m proud of you,” David stated.

Matteo frowned, “Why?”

“Because you did what you needed to do for you,” David reached out and grasped Matteo’s wrist. He smiled encouragingly.

“I guess,” Matteo shrugged, and David watched him for a few seconds. “Even if it means you have a homeless, destitute boyfriend.”

“I would never let that happen. Okay? We’d figure it out. Just wait and see what he does,” David nodded. “Okay?”

Matteo used his free hand to swipe the bangs out of his face. “Okay.”

“Okay, fuck it. We’re getting a ride,” David declared, letting go of his boyfriend’s wrist. Stepping up to the side of the road, he saw an RV coming towards them and stuck out his thumb. He smirked at Matteo when the vehicle pulled over.

“You boys headed?” The driver, a man about fifty with long white hair asked in Italian.

David felt Matteo step up next to him. “Where you going?” Matteo responded back and David could swear he was starting to get turned on.

“Massa, a few hours up the road,” the man nodded. “You want to come?”

“Yeah. Thanks!” David felt his arm being tugged and he followed Matteo into the RV.

“This is my wife, Bria and our daughter Luna. I’m Luigi,” David had to hold in a laugh. He didn’t know what was being said but could put two and two together as he watched the man point to himself and say Luigi.

“Uh,” He heard a smile in Matteo’s voice. “I’m Matteo and this is David.”

“You no Italian?” Bria asked David pointedly and he shifted slightly uncomfortably.

“No. I’m, um, German,” he shrugged.

Bria shook her head. “No, where you come from.”

“Germany?” It was more of a question than a statement.

“No-“

“My mom wants to know what’s your culture. Like what is your ethnicity,” Luna clarified in English.

“Oh, um,” David felt on display as he took a seat next to Matteo across from the women. “My dad is Arabic.”

“He Italian you Arabic. How are friends?” Bria demanded.

“We’re both from Germany. We went to the same high school,” Matteo responded in Italian.

“Oh,” Bria smiled, “Are you together? As in a couple?” She asked in Italian and David looked blankly at Matteo.

“She wants to know if we’re a couple,” Matteo whispered to him.

“Uh, sì,” David smiled. He only knew a very small amount of basic works, _yes_ and _no_ being the majority of his Italian vocabulary.

“My parents are cool. They’ve been hippies since the 60’s,” Luna smiled. David liked her smile. She looked like she might be his and Matteo’s ages, maybe a little older. David had to admit she was attractive with her long blonde hair and warm smile.

“Only way to live, man!” Luigi laughed from the driver’s seat and everyone, but David chuckled, making him feel slightly out of place until Matteo wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

Luigi started to talk with a smile on his face and David knew that the man was telling stories about his life even if David didn’t understand. All that mattered was the rumble of Matteo’s chest on his side every time the boy laughed.

Luigi reminded David of Matteo. The man smiled and acted silly and playful. He hoped that _his_ Luigi wouldn’t lose that playful, childlike spark when they were that age.

David leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, drifting at the sound of Matteo and their hosts talking.

—————————

David felt something tickling his forehead but wanted to hold onto the last vestiges of sleep. He tried to move away from the feeling only to be pulled in tighter. Cracking an eye open, he realized it was Matteo that was holding him. And then he felt Matteo’s lips press against his forehead.

“Wake up,” Matteo breathes, making David smile.

“This is nice,” David snuggled deeper into Matteo.

He felt Matteo chuckle, “We stopped to refuel. You want to get out and walk around for a second?”

“Sure,” David made no move to get up.

“That means we have to get up,” Matteo laughed, and David felt himself being pushed, but held on tight for a few seconds before letting go and sleepily following Matteo outside.

“Come here,” Matteo pulled David close to him and took out his phone. And David sleepily agreed to take a quick selfie of them. He saw Matteo and take one of the RV before he was pulled close again. “You’re clingy today.”

David laughed softly. He didn’t want to tell Matteo that he felt extremely insecure with the whole language barrier. It felt so weird to have to give up control and let Matteo take over for both of them. But at the same time, in a weird small way, he liked it. Liked that Matteo was taking care of them, _him_.

“Let’s go back inside,” Matteo lead him back to their seats inside the RV.

David sat up but kept a hand on Matteo’s knee. “Are you okay?” He asked Matteo.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

David shrugged, “We didn’t really get to finish our conversation about your dad.”

“I don’t think there’s anything else to say,” Matteo shrugged.

“Matteo?” David pried.

“Why do I feel bad about it?” Matteo asked. “Like he’s the one that fucked my mom and me over, but yet I feel like the asshole for not seeing him while we’re in Italy.”

David nodded. He felt the same way about his parents. Laura had texted him a few times about seeing their parents. David had artfully avoided answering the question, but he knew Laura’s patience was running thin.

“Matteo?” David asked and watched the other boy turn to face him.

“So, umm, my par-“

“Ready to go?” Luigi asked getting into the driver’s seat as Luna and Bria climbed in across from them.

“Yeah,” Matteo smiled at the family.

David sighed.

“Did you want to talk?” Matteo asked, switching back to German.

“When we’re alone,” he whispered back.

“Okay,” he knew Matteo was eyeing him, but he ignored it, watching the scenery pass by outside the window.

About an hour later, Luigi had dropped them off on some random street corner across from the beach. David joined Matteo as they waved the family off.

“That was interesting,” David commented.

“Yeah,” Matteo smiled, and David let Matteo grab his hand.

“You and Bria had a long conversation.” David commented. For about a half hour Matteo and Bria had gone back and forth in Italian. David had tuned it out mostly, only being pulled back to reality when Matteo would laugh.

“She suggested some things to do and places to stay. Apparently one of her friends takes alcohol as payment for a rented room. So, something to think about I guess,” Matteo laughed. “But I think I found us a place. It’s not a great option, but it’s an option.”

“Okay?” David asked.

“Well, it’s with my cousin. I haven’t seen him in a couple years, but he’s got an apartment and said we could sleep on his couch,” Matteo shrugged.

David frowned, “Why isn’t that a good option?”

“He’s, uh...he’s not homophobic but he’s said...ignorant stuff,” Matteo shrugged. “And he doesn’t know I’m gay.”

“Oh,” David understood now. “Why don’t we check it out and then decide from there?”

Matteo nodded, “Okay, but if he offends you or makes you feel uncomfortable, we’ll leave right away.”

“Okay,” David agreed. “But, I’m sure it’s fine.”

“Then, we need to turn around and go the other way,” David laughed as Matteo grabbed his hand and tugged him, almost into a sprint through the crowd of people.

And as they ran, David let himself feel free for once. He let go of all his issues and his parents and held Matteo’s hand as they ran. It was like a scene out of one of those stupid romcom’s his sister was obsessed with. When the sugary sweet couple has that moment of pure joy. He didn’t believe those moments actually existed until Matteo took his hand and started to run. Holding on tight, he did everything he could to not let go or stumble as he giggled.

“Stop...stop...baby stop,” David gasped out through laughter, not realizing what he said.

Matteo stopped immediately and David practically ran into him. “Wh-What?”

“Um,” David flushed red. “Yeah, so that happened.”

“Baby?” Matteo smirked.

David shook his head, “Shut it.”

“Baby?” David could see Matteo was enjoying this.

“I won’t say it again,” David rolled his eyes.

“Please, _baby_ , please call me _baby_ again,” Matteo mock pouted.

David shook his head, “Nein.”

“Yes.”

“Nein, nein,” David protested but felt Matteo pull him and he landed on his boyfriend’s chest.

“Yes,” Matteo smiled, holding David tighter.

David let out a soft huff. “Do you really want me to call you that?”

“I don’t know. Maybe when it’s just us?” Matteo suggested. “ _Baby_.”

“Shut the fuck up,” David laughed, escaping Matteo’s grasp and taking his boyfriend’s hand again and the two started walking again.

—————————

Matteo had been right. His cousin was crass, had already made two homophobic remarks and one very misogynistic comment. But David had to admit the guy was charming with his _call me Guid, not Guido_ \- which Matteo had revealed wasn’t even his name and actually really wasn’t something he should be proud to call himself, but that was Matteo’s cousin.

“David,” Guid started, “The girls...the girls love me. Love me. Like I can’t get enough,” The boy explained in a mixture of broken German and English.

David nodded, “So, how do you know German?”

“I learned for a girl I was sexing,” Guid laughed and smiled in delight and David had to fight the urge to roll his eyes at the boy who was seemingly only obsessed with sex and girls.

“Oh, okay.” David nodded from his place on the sofa.

“Guid, thanks for letting us stay here, man,” Matteo came out of the bathroom and took a seat next to David. “How’s your mom?”

“Good. She’s not nuts, eh?” Guid laughed.

David could see Matteo trying to hold back and his hands clenched at his sides. “Don’t be a dick,” Matteo warned.

“No offense. I didn’t realize being gay made you so sensitive Matty.”

“Don’t fucking call me that,” Matteo growled. “And don’t be an ass.”

Guid shrugged, “I’m not. Take a joke little cousin.”

“So, Guid, what do you do?” David tried to lessen the tension in the room.

“I make money, bro. I do a little of everything,” Guid nodded and David suppressed a laugh. “Girls love it.”

David shook his head in amusement. “You’re...incredible,” David couldn’t think of a better word to describe the man.

“I know. Your boyfriend has good taste,” Guid elbowed Matteo. “I got to go to work, guys. Make that money!”

David watched as Guid stood up and smoothed his hair back, before making his way to the door and slipping on his shoes. “You want food, you have to buy it.”

The next thing David heard was the slamming of the door.

“Well, he’s certainly-“

“An asshole,” Matteo supplied

“I was going to say interesting. A little charming,” David shrugged.

He laughed when Matteo sputtered. “He’s a complete moron and you think he’s charming?”

“In a cute, awkward type of way. Some of the stuff he said was pretty offensive, but...I don’t know. Maybe it’s the Italian Florenzi charm.” David shrugged.

“I’ll show you Florenzi charm,” Matteo pressed his lips to David’s. “Want to have sex right here?”

David chuckled. He kind of did, but at the same time it was kind of weird. “Sure, let’s just do it right here in the middle of the room.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of a shower.”

David felt heat start to pool in his groin. Ever since he had shown Matteo his naked chest, he hadn’t done it again. Sure, he had said it would make things easier, but the truth was he still covered up during sex, still took separate showers. But now, he wanted to make good on his word. It felt right and he wondered why he was being so overprotective of his body around Matteo.

“I’d, uh, I’d like to do that...take a shower with you.”

David almost laughed at Matteo’s expression. “Okay! Yeah. Let’s...let’s do that.”

—————————

It wasn’t that he was backing out, he just lost some of his nerve when he watched Matteo strip out of his clothes and step into the steaming water.

He internally gave himself a pep talk and took off his shirt and pants and stood there for a second in only his boxers and binder. Taking a deep breath, he slipped the boxers down and step out of them. He stared at himself in the mirror above the sink for a second before averting his eyes and grasping the bottom of his binder. With well-practiced motions and wiggling, David freed himself from the confining material and set his binder on the sink counter.

“Alright,” he muttered to himself and walked the few steps to the tub. He carefully opened the shower curtain and stepped inside. He felt Matteo place a hand on his forearm and didn’t realize he had crossed them over his chest.

“We don’t have to do this,” Matteo whispered.

“I want to,” David knew he did. It was just hiding so much caused it to become habit to cover himself. Looking up into Matteo’s eyes, he saw only love.

Taking a deep breath, David lowered his arms. He let them fall to his sides, keeping his eyes on Matteo.

“Fuck,” He heard Matteo breath and felt himself being hauled forward into a bruising kiss. His chest smashed against Matteo’s.

“Matteo,” David sighed into the kiss and greedily parted his lips to accommodate Matteo’s tongue.

He felt consumed as Matteo backed him up to the shower wall. It was like all his nerves were on fire as the water beaded down across his face.

“Do you know how many times I’ve thought about this?” Matteo gasped between frantic kisses.

David giggled softly, “Didn’t realize shower sex was a fantasy of yours.”

“You, wet, naked with me. How could it not be,” Matteo pulled David closer to him and the boy could feel Matteo’s hardness pressing against his stomach.

“Fuck,” David moaned as Matteo’s hand trailed down and rubbed between his legs.

It didn’t take long for Matteo’s hand to make him come, and he cried out, pulling back from Matteo’s lips to whimper and gasp his way through it.

Matteo was helping to hold him up and he couldn’t tell if he felt hot and sticky from the shower water or his own sweat.

“Can I fuck you?” Matteo asked, his hand still rubbing, but gently now. David shuddered and nodded.

“Yeah,” David murmured, clinging to Matteo’s shoulders.

They moved awkwardly so Matteo could reach out of the tub. David went when Matteo bent down and haphazardly grabbed a condom from his wallet. And as they stood up, David pulled the boy to him, lightly touching him and feeling the flesh under his fingers harden. With his free hand, he guided Matteo’s fingers inside him, excitement building as he felt the first press inside. He gasped, pressed his lips to the side of Matteo’s mouth and let the sensations Matteo was causing him take over.

—————————

“So is shower sex going to be a thing for us,” Matteo raised an eyebrow with a smirk. David smiled when he felt Matteo’s hands rest on his hips and lips press against his bare shoulder.

“Hmmm, you enjoyed it?” David laughed, turning his head and claiming Matteo’s lips in a soft kiss.

Matteo nodded, “Oh yeah.”

“Good,” David giggled breaking out of Matteo’s grasp and grabbing his boyfriend’s shirt from the floor and slipping it over his head. He quickly pulled on his boxers.

“You’re so fucking hot in my clothes,” Matteo practically growled after a minute and David let out a surprised shriek when Matteo wrapped one arm around his back and yanked him closer.

David laughed, “You think I’m hot in anything.”

“Can you blame me?” Matteo shrugged and thrust shallowly against him.

“What?” David half laugh half moaned, “What has gotten into you? Oh my God.”

Matteo shook his head, “We’ve been in cars and walking the last few days. I haven’t gotten you alone in a while. I want to take advantage of it.”

“Fuck,” David whined. “Okay. Fuck it,” he said with fervor and braced his back against the sink. “You have...have another condom?”

“Yeah,” Matteo pulled another packet out of the pocket of his discarded shorts.

“Always prepared,” David kissed the boy hard and wrapped a leg around the back of Matteo’s knees.

Laughing, David let Matteo go so the boy could quickly unwrap the foil packet and roll the condom on.

“Can you go like this?” Matteo asked pushing David backwards so he could lean against the counter. Somewhere along the lines David realized Matteo had lost his towel and David’s boxers were somehow pooled on the ground.

“I love you,” Matteo whispered, and David felt their foreheads come to rest against each other.

David returned to his earlier position and wrapped a leg around Matteo’s calves, spreading his legs.

At the first push in, David whimpered and reached back to grab the counter with one hand, the other wrapping around Matteo’s neck and clinging there.

He moaned softly when Matteo started to shallowly thrust a few times before going hard and deep, taking David by surprise. He cried out in surprise and pleasure, his leg clutching tighter around Matteo.

“You okay?” Matteo whispered, going back to shallow thrusts.

“Yeah, just still sens...sensit...ive,” His voice hitched when Matteo pressed in deep and swiveled his hips. “Fuck. Please.”

Matteo smiled and brought their lips together in a hungry kiss. David came trembling and gasping into Matteo’s mouth. He groaned when he felt Matteo still moving inside him.

“Can you keep going?” Matteo whispered and David could feel himself rubbing up and down his back.

He knew he was trembling. Could feel himself shaking. “Yes. Want you to come.” David whimpered.

“Yes,” Matteo started thrusting hard and the oversensitivity made David gasp every time he moved. He clung to Matteo, moving his hand from his boyfriend’s neck to the small of his back.

David felt himself start to climb up that peak again and shuddered violently against Matteo as he came again.

“Fuck,” He heard Matteo moan. “Did you just come?”

“Mmm,” David could only make sounds. He knew Matteo hadn’t stopped yet and it was the best kind of torture. He felt constantly on the cusp of overstimulation and so, so much pleasure. _Fuck_. He wanted to come again but at the same time he didn’t know if his body could handle it.

And then Matteo thrust at a different angle and he screamed, coming for the third time. He was barely hanging onto the counter, barely clutching Matteo, but he knew his boyfriend was holding him up.

Matteo thrust a few more times before slamming hard into David and David knew Matteo had come. They rested together for a few minutes before Matteo pulled out slowly.

David almost feel backwards when they separated. His legs felt weak and his whole-body thrumming with pleasure and exhaustion.

Matteo chuckled softly and he felt himself being hauled into Matteo’s arms.

“Fuck,” David shook his head with a breathy giggle. He leaned his head against Matteo’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

“We are getting so good at this,” Matteo laughed.

David nodded, “Uh huh.”

“I think we need to take a real shower now,” Matteo stated, and David nodded, feeling sticky between his thighs.

“Just to get clean this time,” David laughed at Matteo’s bare ass already jumping back into the tub.

—————————

“Why does your cousin want to be called something that’s kind of derogatory?” David asked once they were both dressed and sitting back on the sofa.

Matteo shrugged, “He’s an idiot. I don’t know.”

“Oh,” David half smirked. “So...uh, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Okay?” Matteo looked at him in confusion and David knew he made an abrupt change of subject.

David cleared his throat, “My parents...they want to see me and come stay with me and Laura.”

“Oh,” David felt Matteo shift next to him.

Nodding, David took Matteo’s hand into his. “What do you think?”

“Me?” Matteo squeezed David’s hand. “Why does it matter what I think?”

“Because you’re my boyfriend and I need you to keep me from doing something stupid.” David tried to joke, but it fell flat. “I mean they gave up on me.”

Matteo nodded, “But if you didn’t go to Laura’s, we probably wouldn’t have met.”

“I thought you believed in fate. Wouldn’t that mean we would have met no matter what?”

Matteo shrugged, “I’d like to think we would have found each other, but...I don’t know. Maybe they did you a favor. You have friends now. I have you.”

“I suppose,” David leaned into Matteo’s side. “You’re not seeing your dad.”

“That’s different. He abandoned my mom and me. Then when he found out she went crazy; he didn’t even bother to come home. He was an asshole,” Matteo tried to explain.

“Hmm,” David just felt so torn. “If they did come...could I, uh, stay with you?”

Matteo nodded, “But isn’t the point to spend time with them?”

“I don’t think I could stand to be under the same roof with them all the time,” David felt sick at having to be around his parents in the small apartment. “I think I can stomach it better knowing that I can spend my nights with you.”

“Sure, you know no one cares. Hell, I think Hans would prefer it if I moved out and you stayed,” Matteo laughed.

“Hans loves you,” David said sincerely. He had spent time watching Hans and Matteo interact just from being there and he could see how much Hans loved and cared about Matteo. When Hans would make dinner, he’d always make sure there was a plate for Matteo, or when he would go grocery shopping, David had caught Hans slipping some extra cheese, or some other food onto Matteo’s shelf. As far as David knew, Matteo never realized it.

“I’m just Mia’s friend who lucked into an apartment,” Matteo shrugged. “I’m just a roommate, distant friend.”

“Do you love him?” David asked even though he knew Matteo loved the older man like a brother.

“I mean...sure. He’s helped me out.” Matteo nodded. “But this isn’t about my life. This is about you. What do you want?”

David shrugged, “Would you be there? When I see them again?”

“Sure,” Matteo promised. “If that’s what you need.”

“It’s what I need,” David stated without hesitation. Because it was. He had somehow become dependent on Matteo and he knew the same was true for Matteo. But it freaked him out how not freaked out he was about it all. It felt natural, normal. “Umm, this is what Hans and I talked about when we were in Amsterdam.”

“Oh,” Matteo nodded. “Did he help you?”

David nodded, “He put things into perspective. He encouraged me to talk to you. I would have anyway, I just didn’t know how to bring it up.”

“I get that,” Matteo kissed David’s cheek.

“I guess you might meet my parents soon,” David was nervous, but he tried to convince himself it was going to be okay.

Taking out his phone, he sent a message to Laura telling her that it was okay to have their parents. He received a response not even five minutes later.

**They texted yesterday saying they could no longer make it, but maybe for the holidays. I’m so sorry David. I think they just need more time.**

David laughed without humor. “Of course.” He handed the phone to Matteo to read.

“I’m so sorry,” Matteo wrapped an arm around David’s waist and David felt Matteo’s head lean onto his shoulder.

“I guess that teaches me not to depend on them,” David didn’t know what else to say.

Matteo nodded, “But, I don’t think you were ready to see them yet either.”

“I wasn’t, but I was going to try,” David stated. Even though it stung, he did admit he felt relieved that he wouldn’t have to worry about that.

“You can still spend nights with me, you know?” David smiled slightly at Matteo’s suggestion. “Let’s pull out the sofa bed and just watch something on Netflix?”

David nodded getting up and helping Matteo her their bed ready. He picked up the sheets Guid had left out for them and he and Matteo made the bed in silence. They tossed the pillows at the top and the blanket over.

Matteo was the first to slip under the covers and David followed suit a second later, after he tucked their clothes back into Matteo’s backpack.

Turning on his right side, David purposely faced the opposite direction of the front door and Matteo’s cousin’s bedroom. He felt Matteo hook an arm around his waist and kiss his cheek before rolling away. He smiled to himself when he felt Matteo’s ankle hook around his.

—————————

David blinked awake, trying to figure out what woke him up. The light from the window blinded him and he turned over to come face to face with Matteo’s back. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up and looked around. He startled when his eyes landed on Matteo’s cousin sitting in a chair just staring at them.

“Umm, hi,” David pulled the blanket up to his chin.

“Hm,” The man grunted.

David tried telepathically to get Matteo to wake up. To his disappoint, Matteo let out a loud snore.

“We appreciate you letting us stay here,” David offered.

“I’d do anything for my cousin. We Florenzi’s stick together,” The man said in English.

“Like a gang?” David tried to joke, but the look on Guid’s face stopped him.

Guid shook his head. “Let’s talk in the kitchen.” Without waiting, David watched the man walk off.

David quietly got out of bed, grabbing hoodie and throwing it on. When he made it into the small kitchen, he saw Guid standing there.

“You and my cousin?”

“Uh, yes. Me and your cousin,” David nodded.

Guid nodded back. “You hurt him, we hurt you. Understood?”

“ _We?_

“Florenzi’s,” Guid shrugged.

“Oh,” David shifted. “I love your cousin.”

“Good,” Guid nodded. “Make sure it stays that way. His dad’s an asshole. You don’t be one too.”

David nodded, not knowing what else to say.

“What’s going on?” David looked up to see Matteo rubbing his eyes, hair messed and sticking out in all directions.

“Nothing Matty! Just introducing David to the Florenzi ways.”

David saw Matteo roll his eyes and take a step next to him. “Don’t call me that. And I’m sure you were.” Matteo said sarcastically.

“Okay, well I’ve got to get to work. See you Matty,” Guid laughed, pushing past the David and Matteo.

“What did he say to you?” Matteo asked, setting his hands-on David’s shoulders.

David laughed and chuckled, “Something about a Florenzi gang and not to hurt you.”

“What?” David saw a cute look of confusion take over Matteo’s face.

“Yeah. It was actually kind of sweet,” David shrugged.

Matteo groaned, “It’s...I’m sorry.”

“No, really. Your cousin loves you.” David nodded.

Matteo pursed his lips together and David thought his boyfriend might respond, but instead Matteo blew out a breath of air. “Let’s go explore. I believe I did promise you authentic Italian pasta.”

“That you did,” David smiled.

“So, let’s go,” Matteo grabbed David’s wrist and sort of jogged them back to the sofa to get clean clothes from their backpacks.

—————————

David laughed as he spotted Matteo sound asleep on a park bench. He had left him for two minutes while he went to use the restroom and his boyfriend had his shirt hitched up around his neck and was conked out.

Chuckling to himself, an idea struck, and he pulled out his phone. He looked over to make sure Matteo was still sleeping before opening his camera and pressing record. He smiled as he pressed his index finger to his lips and switched the camera to record from the back. He quietly made his way over to the boy, a few times he almost giggled out loud, and when he got close enough, he shook Matteo. He wasn’t expecting the almost violent reaction of Matteo thrashing his arms. David held onto his phone tightly, trying to hit the record button again to stop the recording.

Once he saw he was no longer filming, David laughed out loud and tucked his phone back into his pocket.

“You ass,” Matteo shook his head and sat up.

“That’s my line,” David laughed, taking a seat next to his boyfriend. “I couldn’t resist. You looked so peaceful.”

“Yeah, well,” Matteo grumbled and laid his head in David’s lap.

David smiled down at his boyfriend before posting the video to his Instastory. Curious, he clicked on Matteo’s Instastory and laughed at the picture of the RV and the photo Matteo had taken of his sunburn and the video Matteo had asked David to take of Matteo’s.

A call notification popped up over the video and he was shocked to see it was his mother.

Glancing down he made sure Matteo was still asleep before connecting the call.

“Mama?” David asked softly. He could hear breathing and some rustling before the call ended.

He knew to most this would be considered a major blow to have your mom hang up the phone. But to David it felt like an olive branch. His mother hadn’t called him in about seven months. Overwhelmed was the only word to describe his feelings.

He stared at the incoming call log and couldn’t take his eyes off of the word _Mama_. And with that he felt just a little bit of his anger chip away.


	12. Getting There

**I want to give you your grin**  
**So tell me you can't bear a room that I'm not in**  
**Paint me in trust**  
**I'll be your best friend**  
**Call me the one**  
**This night just can't end ~ _Human_ by Dodie (featuring Tom Walker)**

Matteo one hundred percent knew where he was going. _One hundred percent_. He just needed a moment to figure out where they were. And how they got in this dumping ground. And how to get out of the dumping ground. Because _seriously_?

Taking out his phone, he decided to start recording. If they were lost, even if David didn’t know it, might as well document it.

“Matteo?” He heard David say.

“Yeah,” He told himself to act like he knew where he was going.

But really, he just felt like he was leading David in circles. So when David asked which way, he looked for the direction with the least amount of trash and said _left_.

He heard David mumble something about “old man” and laughed.

Luckily, left was the right way, leading them back to the main road. They had left his cousin’s place hours ago for the next destination, but somehow ended up in a trash yard.

“Were we lost?” David asked.

Matteo shook his head, “No.” _Yes._ “Shortcut.” _Lost-cut._

“Right,” David shook his head, reaching for Matteo’s hand.

Matteo grasped it in his as the continued walking. As a car started to approach, he let out a groan.

“Go get us a ride,” David laughed and Matteo felt their hands loose contact before he was shoved forward.

“Hey man,” Matteo started in Italian when the guy rolled down his window.

“Where you headed?”

“Trying to get to Montemarano,” Matteo shrugged.

“I’m headed that way,” The guy stated. “Unfortunately, I don’t take faggots.”

Matteo took a step back, caught completely off-guard. “What?”

“You heard me, fag,” He paused. “Your _boyfriend_ looks a little young. You might want to keep an eye on him, never know what could happen.”

Matteo felt something start to boil inside him, spilling into anger and then rage. “You want to fucking get out of the car and say that again?” He seethed.

“Sorry, I don’t hit girls - oops, I mean fags.” The man smirked before speeding off.

Matteo clenched his fists to his sides, fighting the urge to pick something up and throw it at the car.

“Hey, what was that all about?” David was suddenly at his side rubbing up and down Matteo’s arm.

“N-nothing. He’s a moron,” Matteo was trying to fight down his rage, but it just kept seeping back up. Letting out a groan, Matteo started walking and cursing in Italian to himself, not wanting David to hear him.

“Hey!” David protested, and Matteo found himself being jerked backwards by David’s hand on his forearm. “Tell me.”

“It’s not worth it,” Matteo shook his head.

David nodded, “Probably, but tell me anyways.”

“You really don’t want to know,” Matteo sighed. “Basically called us fags and girls.” He wasn’t going to tell David about the guy’s threats.

“So, usual stereotypical stuff?”

Matteo shrugged. “Basically.”

“Well, fuck him,” David shrugged and Matteo reached down to intertwine their hands, needing the connection.

They walked in amicable silence for a little while, every once in a while Matteo would swing their clasped hands along.

“Are you ever scared?” Matteo asked softly.

“Of what?” David squeezed Matteo’s hand

Shrugging, Matteo squeezed back. “I don’t know. Being us. _Out._

“I was at first, but now...” David shrugged. “Are you?”

Matteo cleared his throat, “Maybe. Not for me, but...but for you.” It was the truth. He was scared for David. Scared that if the wrong person found out about his boyfriend...he couldn’t even finish that thought.

“Me?” David was surprised. “Why?” Matteo felt David drop his hand.

Matteo shrugged, “There are some sick fuckers out there.”

“I can take care of myself,” There wasn’t any animosity in David’s voice.

“I know, but...I just...there are all these stories on the internet, news reports and...I can’t lose you,” Matteo stuttered out.

David nodded, “I get that, but I’m not going to live my life in fear. And you shouldn’t either. I’ve done that for far too long.”

Not knowing how to respond, Matteo grabbed David’s hand again.

“Are you ever scared?”

“Sure,” David nodded. “Some people are assholes, but...I have to live my life.”

“Yeah,” Matteo tugged on their joined hands and pulled David into a kiss. He used his free hand to cradle the back of David’s head, deepening the kiss. “Okay.”

“Okay,” David smiled and Matteo could help but do the same. “Now, go get us a ride.”

Saluting David, Matteo nodded, “Yes sir!”

—————————

Matteo tossed a bag of gummy fruit onto the counter alongside two bottles of water. They had made it to a small town, Matteo wasn’t even quite sure of the name. It looked like a place most people just passed through. There was a truck stop, small grocery store, a bakery and a few other places.

“You know how me and my friend can get to Montemarano?” He asked in Italian.

“Yeah,” The clerk nodded. “Hey Dom, kid and his friend need a ride to Monte. Think you can help him?”

Matteo looked over to a tall, heavier guy. “Where you headed, kid?”

“Montemarano?” Matteo stated, but it came out like a question.

“I can get you to Naples, but I’m leaving now,” Dom answered.

Matteo smiled and nodded, “Let me just text my boyfriend.” The smile dropped from his face when he realized he outed them.

“Don’t worry about it kid. My partner, _Tommaso_ is always saying I may look tough but I’m a big teddy bear, right Lorenzo?” Dom looked to the clerk.

“Yeah, yeah. Dom here is like a baby kitten,” The clerk laughed.

Matteo nodded, **where are you?** , he texted David. He knew the boy was going to look around the few shops.

Matteo watched Dom for a minute as he typed out a few more texts.

“Sorry, kid, but I really need to get on the road,” Dom looked at Matteo.

“Okay. Let’s start walking to your truck and I’ll tell him to meet us there,” Matteo suggested.

**Do you have my wallet? I can’t find it.**

“ _Fuck,_ ” Matteo breathed at the same time he texted David back. He and David had pooled their cash and each were carrying half. If David lost his wallet, then he lost a good portion of their money. **No, I don’t have it.**

Matteo waited a few seconds for a response.

“Kid?” Dom asked.

“Can you just wait a few more minutes?” Matteo practically begged.

Dom nodded. “I’ll call my man, but when I’m done I have to go. I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” Matteo nodded, looking back at his phone. **David? Do you have it? The trucker is about to drive away.**

He sighed in relief when David said he found it and was running.

“I’m sorry kid, I have to get on the road,” Dom came back and Matteo nodded in disappointment.

“Wait! Wait! I’m here!” David’s voice filtered through the air.

“He’s here!” Matteo practically yelled.

“Just in time,” Dom nodded. “Hop in.”

Matteo looked at David who just smiled, slightly out of breath. “Here,” David passed Matteo half a cookie.

“Where’s the other half?” Matteo joked.

“Ate it. I only had money in my pocket to buy one,” David shrugged, and Matteo lead him into the cab of the truck. He purposely placed himself between Dom and David, even though he knew Dom was in a relationship with a man, he was still skeptical. He’d never tell David he did it as a way to protect his boyfriend.

The three drove in relative silence for an hour. At one point, Matteo swore David fell asleep and drooled a little on his shoulder.

“How long you two been together?” Dom asked.

Matteo shrugged, “Three months or so.”

“Where you from?”

Matteo interlaced his fingers with David’s, “Germany.”

“Ah,” Dom nodded. “And your boyfriend, he’s trans?”

Matteo felt his stomach lurch. “What? No! He’s...” he felt David squeeze his hand and give him a look. He knew The boy wanted to know what was going on, having heard the word _trans_. Matteo shook his head.

“You don’t need to worry. I’m not trying to be rude. I’m trans too,” Dom stated.

“How...what?” Matteo stuttered.

“I’m sorry I’m so abrupt. Fuck, Tom is always telling me to keep my mouth shut. I just...I admire him. Being so young and brave. When I was young, it wasn’t something acceptable by...anyone. It took my years to prove I didn’t have a mental illness,” Dom took a breath. “I just think it’s so important. This is what I went to New York City to March at Stonewall for.”

Matteo was dumbstruck at how open and honest Dom was. “But how did you know about _him_?” Matteo purposely avoided using David’s name because he didn’t want to alarm his boyfriend.

“Psychic,” Dom joked. “I was in the bathroom with him. I remember using the stall before I had bottom surgery.”

“You’re, uh...” Matteo didn’t know what to say.

“Yeah,” Dom chuckled. “Point I’m making is I’m happy to see young love like yours.”

“Thanks,” Matteo whispered and felt David nudge him with a worried look. “Everything’s okay,” he squeezed David’s hand.

They rode in silence for a few minutes and Matteo knew David was anxious to know what he and Dom had talked about.

“So, Stonewall?” Matteo had heard about it and read some, but honestly, everything just got so overwhelming during his coming out period that he just couldn’t.

“Yeah, it was history...”

Matteo let go of David’s hand and instead, wrapped his arm around the boy, pulling him close as he listened to Dom’s stories.

———————

Matteo frowned watching David pull his, or rather Matteo’s, t-shirt up to his nose as they got ready for bed. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” David’s answer was a little too quick for Matteo’s liking.

“What?” He asked again.

David blushed, “Smells like you.” He mumbled.

“Hmm,” Matteo laughed, sliding into bed. They had found a cheap apartment rental for the night online. It wasn’t the greatest place, but Matteo thought it was pretty decent all things considering.

“Yeah,” David giggled sliding in next to him and snuggling into Matteo’s side.

Before, it always used to bother them to wake up wrapped around each other, both feeling like they were in a claustrophobic situation. But now, after so many nights spent cuddled into one another because of lack of space or safety, Matteo was starting to really enjoy waking up wrapped around David or with David wrapped around him.

“The truck driver knew you are trans,” Matteo didn’t mean to blurt it out. “He’s trans too and saw you come out of the bathroom stall.”

“What?” Matteo could feel David’s body tense.

“I think he just wanted to make a connection to us and that’s what he thought of,” Matteo shrugged.

David nodded, “I’m...that scares me. That he could tell. Am I...I...”

“David, you’re a man. That’s it. Dom was just being...blunt. He actually said he admired you for being so brave. And told me all about being at Stonewall.”

David shifted, “Is that what you spent the ride talking about?”

“Yeah. He told me about his partner and I told him all about you,” Matteo smiled.

“Hmmm,” David hummed. “I just...It was inappropriate for him to talk about me being trans. It’s my story. My life.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t meant to come out like that. He was just excited to meet you...or something like that,” Matteo brushed his lips against his boyfriend’s cheek.

“Maybe,” David sighed.

“Don’t be upset,” Matteo pokes David’s shoulder a few times.

“I’m not,” David shrugged before changing the subject. “You want to have sex?”

“What?” Matteo chuckled put a laugh.

“Hey! I’m serious!” David pinched Matteo’s side. “Let’s just do it.”

“David...come on. I think you’re upset.”

“I’m not. I’m not. Let’s just...make love to me?” David pulled at Matteo. “Please.”

Matteo sighed, “You make it so hard to say no.”

“Then don’t,” Matteo felt David’s hand on the band of his boxers.

“David,” Matteo groaned, gently capturing David’s hand in his. “Don’t do this. Okay? What? Tell me?”

He watched David flopped down to his side and blow out a breath, “ I just hate that he even said anything. And I know he didn’t mean anything, but…I just hate it.”

“Because he knew you were trans?” Matteo prodded.

“Because he felt the need to mention it! Like it’s not normal!” David scrubbed his hands across his face. “And he’s trans too, so he should get this shit!”

“David-“

“Is it that obvious?” David went on. “Did you know when you met me?” The boy got out of bed and began to pace.

Matteo was slightly taken aback. He knew his boyfriend was spiraling. He had seen it one other time in the pool right after David was outed.

“Stop!” Matteo followed him out of bed and placed both his hands on David’s shoulders, stilling the boys movements. “We’re not going to go down this road again, okay?”  
“But-“

“But nothing. I love you David, I really do. But this…this was just some guy trying to make a connection to us. He didn’t mean anything by it. I’m really trying to understand…but…” He didn’t know what he was trying to say. He understood dysphoria, understood his boyfriend had issues that Matteo couldn’t even comprehend. And he didn’t want to tell the boy how to feel, but he just had to get David to calm down.

David sighed, “I just wish that one day it wouldn’t matter anymore. That it wouldn’t need to be mentioned.”

“I know, but David, Dom truly didn’t mean anything by it. In fact, he was complementing you. I just…what’s going on with you?” Matteo wanted to know. He moved his hands from David’s shoulders and slid them down his boyfriend’s arms to come to rest on David’s wrists.

David shrugged, “I…I…I…it’s just, we’ve shared so much already and you know me. And what if we don’t work out? What if you look at me one day and realize I’m not worth it? And I know, _I know_ you love me.”

“I do,” Matteo agreed. “I don’t, know what else to tell you. Either you believe me or you don’t. But I’m here, okay? I fought too hard to get you. I’m not giving up.”

“Okay,” David nodded, “It’s just me and my issues and my fucking dysphoria.”

“Have you talked to Hans lately?” Matteo suggested, “He seemed to be able to help you.”

David nodded, “I know, but I want you to be there.”

“Okay,” Matteo nodded, “And when I have my daddy and mommy issues, I expect that you’ll be paying me back tenfold.”

“Deal,” David smiled, and Matteo felt the boy pull out of his grasp before wrapping Matteo into a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates recently. If you follow my Instagram, I update on story updates. :)


	13. Not Some Floozy

****

**I am so tired, I have to tame my mind before I get too frustrated  
Can't go back in time to change in someone's eyes  
That I was not something to play with  
Try not to talk about it, I'm too mad, I'm too late, I'm too gentle  
It's too hard to explain, I'm not helpful ** **~ _Everybody Loves You_ by Charlotte Lawrence**

The morning passed by outside the window, bright and vibrant. David rubbed a hand up and down Matteo’s arm when the other boy started to get a little restless in his sleep. The motel room really was lacking, and David made a mental note that they would stay in a nice hotel just once before they went back to Moabit.

He hadn’t been able to sleep at all. Just laid awake listening to Matteo breathe. He had been embarrassed about his words, his actions, his melt down the day before. It was never easy to articulate when he got like that. His doctor called it “normal,” but it was anything but. He felt out of control of his own thoughts and that’s when the frustration hit.

And Matteo...he loved the boy. He really did. It was just hard when Matteo wanted to understand but ended up _cis_ plaining everything. If that was even a word. And David really tried not to take it personal. Tried to remind himself that this was all new to Matteo too.

But he knew one thing. He was tired as fuck over this shit. He was tired of binders and psychologists. He just wanted to live his life. And yeah, He knew top surgery wasn’t too far off now, but he wanted it now. He was so sick of dysphoria. He knew he was still feeling dysphoria. And _Fuck._

The outside world caught his attention. _Naples_. He was in Italy. He was in Italy with his boyfriend. He was in Italy with his boyfriend, the person he was in love with and who loved him. He should be having the time of his life. And he was, _is_. But just days like the day before and now...he felt so dysphoric. And he had no idea why. It wasn’t even what Dom said. Yeah, he was using that as the excuse, but he knew it was just one of those things in his brain.

Sighing, David brushed Matteo’s hair away from his face. It always struck him how young his boyfriend looked with his hair out of his eyes.

“Hmm,” Matteo sighed.

“Shh, go back to sleep,” David whispered and waited for Matteo to drift back.

He continued to run his hand through his boyfriend’s hair. He was in love with the boy. That was so clear to him. Matteo was silly and love and safety. He only wished that the boy understood just a little more sometimes. And it wasn’t Matteo’s fault. It just was one of those things. But he just needed Matteo to _just get that_ sometimes he couldn’t articulate out loud or even in his mind why he was feeling out the way he was. He couldn’t always explain everything. And he shouldn’t have to. Didn’t want to. Just wanted to let it pass.

Picking up his phone, he pulled up Hans’ message and started to type.

**Made it to Italy. Not doing so good**. He held his breath and clicked send.

**What’s going on?** Came the reply not even two minutes later.

David sighed, **Just body issue stuff**

**I’m sorry to hear that, David. Do you need anything?**

He was relieved that Hans didn’t ask for an explanation. For some reason the older man just seemed to get David.

**No. I just have to work through it.**

**I’m here if you need me** David smiled at Hans’ response.

**Thank you Hans**

David set his phone down and focused on Matteo. He leaned over and kissed his boyfriend’s forehead.

“Hmmm, that’s nice,” Matteo sighed, still half asleep.

“Shhh, go back to sleep,” He whispered.

Matteo shook his head, snuggling no closer into David’s side, “David,” the boy breathed.

“Yeah,” David answered quietly.

“You okay?” Matteo yawned.

David nodded and pet Matteo’s back.

“We should go to the beach today,” Matteo suggested, his voice still full of sleep.

“Sure,” David agreed.

“Cool,” Matteo yawned, and David felt his boyfriend start to get up.

“Now?” He laughed incredulously.

He watched Matteo shrug and grab a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. “Why not? The beach is just a block away.”

David shook his head with an amused laugh and grabbed a pair of pants, a shirt and his binder.

————————

Soft snoring filtered into his ear, and David turned his head slightly to see his boyfriend sound asleep on their shared beach towel. Matteo had taken off his shirt almost immediately after their feet hit the sand.

Taking his phone out of his pocket, David opened up his camera and smiled as Matteo slept on his shoulder. He was just about to take another one when Matteo’s eyes popped open.

“What are you doing?” Matteo groaned sleepily.

David chuckled, “Nothing.”

“Nein,” Matteo grumbled, covering his eyes with his forearm. David chuckled as he put his phone away and leaned over to press a kiss to his boyfriend, it landed close to the boy’s nose.

“You’re cute,” David smiled and could feel Matteo roll his eyes.

“I’m sexy.”

David couldn’t hold back the loud laugh that escaped him, “Okay, Mr. Sexy.”

“You’re sexy,” Matteo smiled, and David blushed, his whole body feeling tingly. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to Matteo saying things like that to and about him. Like the one time that he overheard Matteo telling the boys that he was a _very satisfied_ boy. Or the time that Matteo slipped his tongue into David’s mouth right in front of Hans and Lynn.

David cleared his throat, “This is nice.” He tried to change the subject.

“ _You’re_ nice.” Matteo raised an eyebrow.

“Hmm,” With that David knew what Matteo wanted. His boyfriend was horny and in the mood. David laughed. “You want to go have sex?”

“Uh, yes, please,” Matteo said hurriedly.

David giggled, “I wasn’t asking if you wanted to fuck, I was asking if you were horny.”

“Can we go and fuck now?” Matteo laughed, rolling onto his side. “It’s been _so_ long.”

David shrugged, “I offered it to you yesterday and you said _no_.”

“Because you weren’t in the right mind,” David could practically hear Matteo whine. “And you’re better today!” He heard his boyfriend pause. “Aren’t you?”

David nodded and smiled, “I am.”

“So?” Matteo asked.

“I don’t know...” David teased.

Matteo shook his head and whispered, “C’mon. Let me make love to you? I want to be close to you.”

David felt those words hit him and go right to his heart and groin. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” David agreed and before he knew it, he was being pulled up and dragged along.

———————————

David moaned as he felt Matteo move on top of him. His boyfriend wasn’t lying when he said he wanted them to be close. David didn’t think even a piece of paper could slip between their bodies, judging by how tight Matteo was clutching him.

“I love you,” Matteo murmured, kissing him gently, but thrusting hard. The sensations drove David crazy and he felt like he could live in these moments. These moments when nothing existed except them. Nothing mattered except Matteo on top of him. Inside him. Surrounding him.

He whimpered as Matteo increased his pace only to slow down again.

“Are you close?” Matteo whispered, pulling David into a kiss.

David nodded, tightening his legs around his boyfriend’s waist.

“Let go, baby. Let go,” Matteo thrust particularly hard and deep. David could do nothing but cry out as his orgasm overtook him. He trembled and whimpered as he rode out his pleasure. Matteo hushing his sounds with a kiss.

He felt Matteo keep thrusting until his boyfriend stilled and let out a faint groan against the side of his neck.

David watched Matteo quickly get rid of the condom before flopping down next to him.

“Fuck, that’ll never get old,” Matteo laughed.

“Mmm,” David turned to cuddle into Matteo’s side. He kissed his boyfriend’s collar bone.

They laid in silence, just breathing for a few minutes.

“I never thought it could ever be like this,” David turned his head to give Matteo his full attention.

“What?” David yawned.

Matteo kissed his boyfriend’s forehead. “This. Sex.”

“What’d you think it’d be like?” David really wanted to know.

“The boys always talked about how good it felt,” Matteo started. “But, it’s so much more than that. I feel...connected to you. Loved. Safe. And I know that sounds really gay.”

“The most gay,” David gently teased.

Matteo smiled, “But it’s true. I love you David.”

“I know,” He pauses. “Sex was just...it was not an option for me for such a long time. I never thought I’d trust someone so much,” David shrugged.

“Me neither,” Matteo nodded. “The boy’s think Sarah and I fucked so many times, but with her...I never loved her. And I didn’t want to do that to her, or myself.”

“Was it worth it...with me?” David asked.

Matteo nodded, “Are you glad I was your first?”

“Yes,” David rolled so he was on top of his boyfriend.

“What...what if we stopped using condoms?” Matteo whispered, catching David off-guard.

It wasn’t that David hadn’t thought about it. When he realized that he could see himself with Matteo for a very long time, that his feelings for the boy went beyond love, he had thought about ditching the condoms. But he knew that despite being a boy, his anatomy could fuck him over. He knew from a Google search and a very embarrassing conversation with his doctor that he could still get pregnant. There were forms of birth control, some more invasive then others. But he had options. Options he wanted to discuss with Matteo before he went any further.

“We’d need to take precautions...I could get pregnant,” David admitted, knowing his cheeks were turning red.

He heard Matteo snort next to him. “Oh yeah, like that could happen.”

“It could,” David insisted.

He felt Matteo stiffen next to him. “What? For...for real?”

“Yeah,” David nodded.

“But how...you’re a boy!“

“I know. But you know? Biology. Anatomy,” David blew out a breath. “Testosterone is not birth control.”

“Oh,” Matteo nodded. “So, uh...”

“There is birth control I can take or...have a procedure for. I wanted your input before I do anything,” David finally looked at Matteo.

“We can talk about that when we get back,” Matteo suggested. “Right now, why don’t we just focus on us and being here?”

“Sounds good,” David agreed feeling a weight being lifted off of him. “When we get back, I’d like you to...to come to the doctor with me.”

“Why?” He knew Matteo was genuine with this question.

“Because you’re...just as much a part of this decision as me.” David grabbed Matteo’s hand. “This affects you too.”

“Just tell me when and I’ll be there.”

———————————

David laughed so hard he thought he might cry or throw up. After they had slept together, they had napped for a little while before going to a nearby park. Matteo thought it was funny to tackle David from behind and wrestle him to the ground.

“You’re an asshole,” David wheezed from underneath Matteo’s weight.

Matteo licked a stripe up David’s cheek, “I’m adorable.”

“Right!” David rolled his eyes, playfully punching Matteo’s shoulder.

“You love me.”

David chuckled, “No idea why.”

“Really?” David felt Matteo bite his collar bone through his shirt and yelled.

“Asshole!” He repeated.

Matteo smirked, “I win.”

“Uh huh,” David laughed, feeling Matteo roll off of him.

They laid there cloud watching for a little while, David’s hand reaching out to wrap around Matteo’s bicep.

A little girl ran past them, laughing while screaming something in Italian as a little boy ran after her.

“Do you...ever think about having kids, a family, one day?” David hadn’t ever really thought about it, too focused on figuring himself out and what he needed to be happy. But now that he was with Matteo, he had started to let himself imagine having a family with him one day. Would they adopt? Get a surrogate?

“Not really. I mean, my family is fucked up. And...no,” Matteo shrugged, and David saw his boyfriend turn his head, so they were facing each other. “Have you?”

Shrugging, David cleared his throat. “Sometimes...and I guess it wasn’t anything I’d ever thought I’d want. But...raising a family with you...it doesn’t really seem to scare me.”

“Hmm,” David heard Matteo hum in response. “If we ever did have kids, it would be way, way, _way_ in the future.”

David nodded.

“We’re too young now,” Matteo stated before making a fart noise with his mouth.

David laughed, “Of course. You’re still a child yourself.”

“Fuck yeah,” Matteo laughed. “And this child wants ice cream!”

“Okay,” David nodded.

“You’re treat!” Matteo announces getting up and running towards an ice cream truck in the center of the park.

David shook his head and ran after Matteo, who was already ordering for them.

The vendor said something in Italian to Matteo and David waited for his boyfriend to translate.

“Ten euros, pay the man,” Matteo raised his eyebrows at David.

“For ice cream?” David shook his head but pulled a ten euro note out anyway and handed it to the vendor.

“Come on,” David followed Matteo back to a patch of grass. “Let’s take a photo.”

“Now? Why?” David asked in confusion.

“I want to do this,” David took Matteo’s ice cream as the boy took out his phone and scrolled to something. He held up the screen so David could see it.

“You’re a bully,” David laughed as a photo of Hannah and Stefan eating ice cream lit up the screen.

“Oh, come on, we all know her, and Jonas are still in love,” Matteo laughed, and David was a little surprised. His boyfriend usually didn’t talk about his best friend’s relationships, choosing to stay neutral most of the time.

David shrugged, “I thought Hannah was over him.”

“Stefan’s not right for her. He’s an ass,” Matteo shrugged.

“You just don’t like him out of loyalty to Jonas. I get it. And I’m loyal to you, so...Stefan’s an ass,” David chuckled and handed Matteo his ice cream back. The two posed and David laughed at seeing the result. “You’re not really going to post that.”

“Just did,” Matteo shrugged, setting his phone down on his thigh and wrapping his free hand around David’s back.

David leaned in a bit and held out his cone to Matteo, who took a huge bite. “Hey!” David protested.

“You can’t offer a man ice cream and not expect him to eat it,” Matteo reasoned.

“Right,” David leaned over and stole some of Matteo’s. “Now we’re even.”

———————————

“We should go on more dates.”

David frowned. “Just think of this trip as one, long, extended date.”

“No. Like do shit together, at home.” Matteo suggested.

“We already do that. We hang out all the time,” David stated.

“Yeah, but hold hands and do what we’re doing now, but at home,” Matteo explained.

It made David feel warm to hear his boyfriend say that. “Okay. So, hand-holding and dates with my boyfriend.”

“My boyfriend,” Matteo repeated, taking David’s hand and guided it until David wrapped it around Matteo’s waist.

David squeezed Matteo’s side and kissed his cheek. “Let’s go back to the hotel,” David whispered.

“Why Mr. Schreibner, I am not some floozy off the street that you can just take to bed. I demand dinner and romance.” Matteo half smirked in the way that David loved.

Wrapping his other arm around Matteo’s front, David nodded into his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Of course. Wouldn’t dream of it any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't see, visit my Instagram for pics/videos from the EIL4 con.


	14. #RoadTripLife

****

**I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes  
** They've seen things that you never quite say, but I hear  
Come out of hiding, I'm right here beside you  
And I'll stay there as long as you let me **~ _You Matter to Me_ by the Original Broadway Cast of Waitress**

The best part of being with David was how easy everything was. And that was quite comforting to Matteo. Loving the other boy came so naturally. And he knew that David loved him. He could see it in his boyfriend’s eyes, could feel it in the boy’s body every time they touched, could hear it in his voice when David would call his name.

But Matteo knew that David still held back in their relationship, that much was incredibly obvious. In public, David’s touches could still be tentative. And, yeah, this trip was changing that, but Matteo wished David would feel comfortable enough with Matteo to be himself.

“Montemarano,” Matteo smiled at David as they walked down a street, just taking in the city. He reached down to grab David’s hand, hoping the boy wouldn’t pull it back like he had done earlier.

Matteo understood David’s hesitation. He got that his boyfriend was scared of what people might do. David’s experiences had been so different to what Matteo had known. But Matteo also had bad shot happen to him, but he put that aside and believed in David, in _them_. In the fact that they loved each other enough that assholes didn’t matter. That they could face it all and come out the other side unscathed.

And yeah, he had days where he wanted to just lock himself away with David and not face the world. But he also knew he couldn’t do that. He knew that he had to face it, whatever _it_ was.

This new outlook, really new Matteo, was proud to be gay. Was proud to be out. Because fuck anyone who thought him being with David was wrong. Him being with David was the most right thing he’d ever felt. Ever known.

He smiled when he felt David let him hold his hand as the other boy used his free hand to take a picture of their surroundings.

“So, I can sketch it later,” David stated with a shrug before bringing his phone back up. “Just...wait.”

Matteo shrugged and looked out without really seeing anything. He waited patiently for his boyfriend to finish when out of the corner of his eye, he noticed David’s phone.

“Did you just take my picture?” Matteo asked in confusion

“Yup,” David chuckled. “Couldn’t help it.” The boy leaned in and kissed Matteo’s cheek. And at that moment, with Italian life surrounding them, and the sun in the sky, Matteo knew one thing. Felt it in his gut. He was going to marry the boy in front of him. The idea hit him so strongly, he felt he might pass out. David was going to be his husband one day.

He couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped him.

“What?” David asked in confusion, but the beginnings of a smile on his face.

Matteo shook his head, “Nothing.”

“Alright, you keep your secrets for now, Mr. Florenzi,” David leaned in and cuddled Matteo’s side for a second.

“Oh, I will,” Matteo nodded as they continued to walk through the streets.

“Ass,” David rolled his eyes.

“Yes, I know my ass is nice,” Matteo joked, wiggling his eyebrows and bumped David’s butt with his. “But thanks for the reminder, motivational trainer.”

“Oh-fuck you,” David pulled away with exasperation, much to Matteo’s delight.

“Okay,” Matteo raised an eyebrow.

David shook his head, “You!”

“Promises, promises,” Matteo groaned.

“Ugh. I hate you,” David muttered, but his actions said the opposite as he wrapped his hand around Matteo’s elbow.

“Hate you too,” Matteo kissed the side of David’s head.

“Do you ever think about what would happen if we broke up?” David asked, shocking Matteo.

Matteo frowned, “No. Why? Do you want...”

“No!” David practically shouted. “I guess it’s just a thought. I don’t know what I’d do. You...” Matteo watched the book around before he was led to the side of a building. “You’re the first person who saw _me_. And I know I told you this hundreds of times, but it’s true. You just...you got _me_. And I don’t...I don’t think I’d ever find what we have with someone else.”

Matteo pretended to wipe tears away. “Ah, you love me!”

“Shut it,” David’s time made Matteo chuckle.

Matteo threw his arm around David’s shoulder. “You _like_ me,” He continue to tease his boyfriend.

When David went to move, Matteo just held on tighter. He could practically feel David rolling his eyes.

“You want to kiss _me_ ,” Matteo went on pressing a sloppy kiss to David’s cheek. “You want to fuck _me_ because you love _me_ ,” He half sang.

“God, I _hate_ you,” David replied, and Matteo watched the boy cross his arms and mock pout.

Matteo chuckled and pressed a sloppy kiss to David’s cheek. “Of course you do.”

———————————

Warm, there was something warm against his back holding him in place. Looking down, he saw one arm splayed across his chest. He couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face as he cuddled back against the body behind him. They had come a long way since the first started this trip.

Before, neither one of them could really stand to be held at night. They both found being pressed against one another suffocating. But now...now, they just seemed to gravitate towards one another when they slept, and they would tend to wake up in each other’s arms. Matteo figured it had to do with psychology and being in new places or some shit.

Matteo gingerly touched David’s arm before turning over so he could face the boy. He had to admit that sometimes David scared him. Not in a runaway terrified sort of way. But in a way that he just felt so much for the boy that it overwhelmed him. Because, who really finds the one person they’re going to be with for the rest of their life before they even graduated from high school?

He ghosted a finger over David’s cheek and just took in his boyfriend’s sleep face. This was the boy he was going to wake up with. This was the boy who he was going to share his life with.

Here he was, the guy who didn’t believe in love - for himself anyways. The boy who couldn’t even admit that he thought another boy was handsome, let alone entertain thought of kissing that boy.

Looking down, he felt love spread throughout him as he realized they were both still naked from the night before, except for one of Matteo’s t-shirts that David had put on. He sighed wishing he could take away some of David’s dysphoria. He hated the boy felt the need to cover up and wished his boyfriend could see himself the way Matteo did. To Matteo, it didn’t matter about physicality, because David was and is a boy. No matter what. Matteo was in love with a boy, who just happened to be born into the body of a girl. And that didn’t matter, because everything about David down to his boyfriend’s soul was _male_.

Yes, it did freak out Matteo at first. Yes, Matteo didn’t understand _transgender_ at first. But he never saw David as a “girl,” even when he was questioning what it meant for his own sexuality.

And then, there was the way David held him. The way David talked to him. Even the way David fucked him. Each and every single thing made Matteo feel protected, loved and safe.

But Matteo did question what he gave David in return. What David got out of their relationship.

“Why do you love me?” He whispered, moving his hand and thumbing over David’s shoulder.

“Because I do,” David sighed, and Matteo found himself looking into heavily lidded eyes.

Matteo blushed and moved his hand away. “Hmm,” Matteo hummed.

“Why are you up? It’s early,” David yawned and leaned in for a quick kiss.

Matteo shrugged and wrapped an arm around the back of David’s neck, loosing himself in the boy. He allowed himself to deepen the kiss and let himself feel as the two made out for a little while.

“Make love to me,” Matteo blushed as he whispered the words, pulling David on top of him.

He watched David smirk, already reaching for the familiar bottle on the nightstand.

———————————

“It’s Jonas’ birthday soon,” Matteo commented from his place on his back. They had gone to a nearby park to have a quiet afternoon. “A little over a week from now.”

“Hmm,” David nodded. “You want to start heading back to Berlin?”

Matteo rolled on to his side, “We’ve never missed each other’s birthdays.”

“And he’s your best friend,” David pointed out. “You love him.”

“I…I do,” Matteo admitted, “He was there for me at the worst moments of my life.”

He knew David recognized his tone as apologetic and the other boy just smiled and rolled to face him. “It’s okay. I’m glad you have a friend like him. He’s a good guy.”

“Yeah,” Matteo nodded. He loved being on this trip with David. Loved the fact that they were getting to know each other. Loved that they were strengthening their relationship. Solidifying it.

“So, let’s start heading back to Berlin,” David sat up, taking out his phone.

Matteo sat up and took his phone out too. “But first,” He brought the phone up so they could see their faces in the screen. “Smile.”

When David didn’t smile right away, Matteo wrapped an arm around his waist and tickled his side. A loud giggle emanated out of David and Matteo smiled in accomplishment and made a “rock on” sign as he snapped a photo. He tagged it #roadtriplife and uploaded it to Instagram.

“What did you just do?” David raised an eyebrow and Matteo turned his phone so David could see. Almost immediately a notification popped up that at Amira had liked the picture.

“I’m going to text her in a few days about Jonas’ birthday plans,” Matteo noted. “I want to surprise him.”

David nodded.

“Are you okay?” Matteo asked.

“Yeah,” David smiled. “I’m just thinking once we get back, I’m going to have to start working on my application film.”

“Yes, you are, Mr. Filmmaker,” Matteo nodded. “Can I be your intern?” He laughed, trying to make his voice should sexy.

He watched as David shook his head. “Umm, “ He started. “We’re going to be okay. Once you start film school, I mean.”

“Well, I have to get in first,” David pointed out.

“And you will,” Matteo agreed, “You’re going to university and will get into their film program. But…where does that leave us?”

“It leaves us right where we are right now,” David stated, and Matteo reached out to brush his fingers against his boyfriends.

“But you’re going to meet new people. People who are interested in the same things as you. People who get _subtle nuances_ in film. And…”

“And nothing,” David chuckled softly. “We’re together.”

Matteo smiled, “We are?” He didn’t mean for it to come out as a question.

“We are,” David promised. “Now, how do we get back on the road home?”

Matteo snorted and leaned in to look at David’s phone screen and the map of Italy the boy had pulled up.

———————————

The bar was small, but it didn’t have a claustrophobic feel to it. Matteo held up his beer bottle and David clinked his own bottle against it. They had hardly gone out to bars or clubs since they started their road trip, both just happy to be with each other and explore new places.

“This was a great idea,” David took a sip of his beer, a permanent smile on his face.

“You’re drunk,” Matteo laughed at his boyfriend. David was currently working on his second beer, but Matteo knew the boy hardly ever drank, even at home. It wasn’t really something his boyfriend was into, and Matteo respected that.

“I am not,” David’s cheeks were turning slightly red.

“Sure,” Matteo shook his head and smiled.

David took a breath, “I’m not drunk. I’m happy.”

“Well, your happy sure looks like your drunk,” Matteo wrapped an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulder. He looked around, comfortable in his choice of bar. There had been a small rainbow flag in the window, and he noticed that they weren’t the only gay couple there. He was also certain there were other gay people there who weren’t with anyone.

“Nope. I’m going to go take a piss,” David announced standing up, which made Matteo laugh even harder.

“Don’t get lost,” He called after his boyfriend. Leaning back, he smiled. He felt good.

He watched David stumble a little as he crossed the room. “Not drunk” Matteo’s ass. He silently laughed and took another swig of his drink. But that laugh died down when he saw some guy approach David. Matteo made his way out of the booth they had commandeered and stood up. He knew David could handle himself, could handle the _both_ of them. Yet, it still made him nervous to see strange men approach his boyfriend. He didn’t trust people.

“Fuck off,” He heard David say as he got closer.

“Come on baby, let’s go back to my hotel room,” Matteo heard the guy say. He definitely wasn’t Italian or German and was speaking in English. He guessed the guy was either from America or Canada based on his accent.

“No,” David shook his head and Matteo saw the guy go to grab David’s arm. It caught his boyfriend off guard, and Matteo quickly put himself between David and Mr. Asshole, as he had nicknamed him.

“He said no,” Matteo said hoping his English was correct.

The guy tried to push past Matteo and he was not going to have it. “He said no,” Matteo repeated and shoved Mr. Asshole backwards.

“Really? And who are you?” Mr. Asshole laughed and Matteo felt his fists balling at his sides.

“Fuck you. You don’t fucking touch him,” Matteo didn’t realize his words had come out in a mix of both German and Italian. He saw the guy give him a confused look for a second.

“Fuck you, man,” Mr. Asshole made one last pass at David and that was all it took. Before he realized what he was doing, Matteo had punched Mr. Asshole in the face, hearing the guy cry out in pain as Matteo felt Mr. Asshole’s nose crack under his knuckles.

“What? What did you do?” He heard David whisper behind him and without another thought, Matteo grabbed David’s hand and ushered them both out of the bar.

He walked fast, knowing that he was half dragging David behind him, but he couldn’t stop. He _didn’t_ stop until they were in their motel room.

“What was that?” David asked, and Matteo noticed that the brisk walk back had help sober the boy up.

“I don’t…he was hitting on you!” Matteo sat down heavy on the bed. “He was trying to grab you.”

David nodded and he felt the bed dip next to him from his boyfriend sitting next to him.

“You didn’t want him to touch you. You told him no,” Matteo seethed.

“Yeah. It sucked. Dude was an asshole,” David agreed.

Matteo frowned, “He tried to touch you. Doesn’t that upset you?”

“It does,” David confirmed, “But he didn’t. You were there.”

“I’m sorry,” Matteo whispered.

He could feel David shake his head. “Nothing to be sorry about. I’m glad you were there.”

“I mean, I know you can handle yourself, but I just saw…saw red,” Matteo looked up at David. “And it…it scares me that you could be hurt or, or worse.”

“I get it,” David nodded, “It scares me to think of someone hurting you.”

“Yeah,” Matteo cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

“Yeah,” David smiled. “It was actually kind of nice to have you protect me,” The boy admitted, and Matteo raised his head a little more.

“Really?”

David nodded, “Yeah. I’ve never really had anyone stand up for me before you. It’s nice to know that you’re there. That I can count on you to have my back. I mean…I already knew that, but…”

“Yeah,” Matteo repeated again. “It’s you and me together from now on. I guess that’s why the boys call us _Davenzi_.”

“I guess it’s better than when Abdi tried calling us Mavid,” David chuckled.

“Or Datteo,” Matteo shook his head at their friends’ antics.

“David Florenzi,” David laughed.

Matteo raised an eyebrow, “Maybe one day.”

“Why can’t you be Matteo Schreibner?” David asked with a giggle.

Matteo leaned over to kiss the side of David’s face, “Because then we wouldn’t be Davenzi.”


	15. Boy Problems

****

**All alone, I watch you watch her**  
**Like she's the only girl you've ever seen**  
**You don't care, you never did**  
**You don't give a damn about me**  
**Yeah, all alone, I watch you watch her**  
**She is the only thing you've ever seen**  
**How is it you never notice**  
**That you are slowly killing me ~ _Hate U Love U_ by Olivia O’Brien**

David had no idea what possessed him to answer the older man. Didn’t know why he agreed to grab Matteo and eat with the guy.

When they first got to Salerno, their ride had dropped them off at a beach near some tents. But it wasn’t a camping ground, David realized pretty quickly that the people occupying those tents were homeless.

Matteo had shrugged when a David quietly pointed it out, and his boyfriend started pulling out their tent.

“I’ll go fill these up and find some food,” David had pulled out the water bottles they had acquired, hooking the tops of both on his finger, and shoved his wallet into his back pocket. He picked up his phone with his free hand.

David hummed to himself as he walked towards a water fountain. He stood back a bit as an older man used the fountain. Pulling out his phone, he smiled at the text from Hans. It was of Hans, his son and his son’s partner. It made David smile to see the family. They looked really happy.

He laughed at the message. **I told them about you and Matteo. They said _be you and fuck anyone who doesn’t like it_.**

Normally it would’ve bothered David that someone outed him, but he trusted Hans and he trusted the older man wouldn’t break his confidences.

“All yours,” The older man startled David out of his thoughts. It took him a second to realize the man was speaking English.

“Thanks,” he muttered back waiting for the man to step out of the way. When he didn’t, David raised an eyebrow just as his phone started ringing. _Matteo_.

“Hey! I’m just about to go find some food,” David hurried out, stepping up to the fountain and tucking his phone on his shoulder while filling the bottles.

“Tents up for when you get back,” Matteo stated.

“Okay. I’ll be back in fifteen, twenty minutes,” David nodded and set the bottles on the floor as he pocketed his phone.

“I’ve got food,” The man had moved closer to David and was speaking German.

David forced a polite smile, “We’re okay.”

The man cleared his throat, “I insist! Come to my camper. I’ll make baguettes with egg.”

“No, that’s—“

The man reached over a gave a few pats to David’s shoulder, “You’re German, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” David agreed reluctantly.

The man smiled, “I insist. Let me feed you. Come, come. I’m just over there!” David saw him pointing up to a van in a parking lot. “Bring your friend from the phone. I’ll expect you in ten minutes.” The man jogged off, leaving David stunned at what to do.

Walking back to the tent in a daze, David set their water down next to Matteo.

“Where’s the good?”

“Umm...so this guy invited us to go eat with him,” David took a seat next to his boyfriend. “He heard me talking to you and is apparently German and insisted we go to his van and eat.”

Matteo scrunched up his face, “What?” He couldn’t help but laugh.

“Just over there,” David pointed, which made Matteo laugh even harder.

“Only you! I swear to fuck, only you!” Matteo leaned over and pressed a smacking, wet kiss to David’s cheek.

David blushed, but frowned when he saw Matteo start to stand up. “What are you doing?”

“Well it’d be rude not to show up,” Matteo reasoned with a smirk. “Plus, I want to meet your new _friend_.”

“No, Matteo, no,” David argues but allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.

David felt Matteo wrap an arm around his shoulders. “I want to meet this dude. Come on, could be fun!”

“We’ll probably be murdered,” David muttered.

“Then we die together!” Matteo announced and continued to drag David along with him.

It wasn’t long before they were face to face with the man, who smiled and held out his arms, motioning to a blanket and some baguettes already set out a nearby picnic table.

David took an involuntary step closer to Matteo as they followed the man to the table.

“Eat!” The man stated proudly.

“Uh,” David hesitated.

“Looks great!” Matteo laid it on.

“It’s nice to meet other Germans here. I’m Finn,” The man did a half bow. “Please,” he motioned towards the food.

Matteo nodded, “Is that egg?”

“Yes!” The man smiled grabbing his own meal and sitting down opposite to where David and Matteo were standing.

David looked to Matteo for guidance and when the other boy took a seat, David tentatively did too.

“This is David Lynch and I’m-“

“His name’s Louis,” David interrupted Matteo. “Sepulveda.”

David could tell by his boyfriend’s body languages that Matteo was trying not to laugh.

“Well, David and Louis, it’s good to meet you,” the man took a bite of his food and David watched as Matteo hesitantly did the same. Sighing to himself and feeling his stomach give a pitiful growl, David did the same. “So, what are you boys doing here?”

“Traveling, seeing the world,” Matteo shrugged.

“Ah, to be young,” Finn laughed. “Tell me, what is it that you do?”

“Well Lynch here is a filmmaker,” Matteo smiled a shit eating grin that David just wanted to punch.

“And you? I’m interested in you,” Finn leaned a little too close to Matteo for David’s liking.

“Me?” David felt Matteo shrug in answer to the question.

“I think I can help with that,” Finn winked at Matteo and David moved his hand to Matteo’s knee and squeezed.

“Oh?” David asked.

Finn nodded, “Me and a few friends of mine are opening a club in Paris and we’re looking for some promoters. You know good looking guys to bring in the ladies and the men.”

“You’re offering me a job?” Matteo asked incredulously.

Finn nodded, “I think you’d be good at it. And,” Finn turned his attention back to David. “You can join too. I think there’s a certain audience who’d like you.”

David bit his tongue, trying to hold himself in check. “Hmm, really?” He deadpanned.

“Oh yes. You’ve got a look to you. But Louis here, I think girls and guys will go crazy over him. Look at that hair,” Finn smiled. “Now, it doesn’t pay well at first, but the money will be good the better the club does. And you two can stay with me until you can afford your own places.”

Matteo smiled politely, “Uh, no. I never care much for French food. Lynch?”

“No, I...I think we’re going to pass,” David nodded.

“Too bad,” Finn shrugged. “Tell you what, I don’t head off until morning. If you change your mind, just knock on my door.”

“Uh, sure,” Matteo nodded, standing up and David felt himself being pulled up. “Well, thanks for the food.”

“Here, here, take some water for the road,” Finn handed them two water bottles that were clearly used before.

“Danke,” David took the bottles out of politeness and followed Matteo.

As quick as they could, they made their way back to their tent, effectively disposing of the bottles as soon as they were out of Finn’s eyesight.

“Fuck, shit, fuck, what the fuck was that?” Matteo giggled.

“I don’t...” David couldn’t even finish his sentence as he laughed alongside his boyfriend and cuddled into him.

“I just...” Matteo trailed off and David hummed in agreement.

“I feel like I need a shower now,” David shuddered.

Matteo shook his head, “More like a beer.”

“You got any weed?” David asked and knew his question surprised Matteo.

“You want to smoke?” Matteo asked.

David shrugged, “Feels right.”

“Uh, yeah!” Matteo exclaimed and David watched his boyfriend pull out their box of condoms from his backpack.

“I want to smoke, not fuck,” David stated.

Matteo nodded and rooted around in the bottom of the box before producing two joints in a plastic bag.

“What...you kept weed in the condoms?” David asked in amusement.

“Well, we did buy the box with like a hundred in it and I figured we wouldn’t use all of them and you wouldn’t go looking here,” David found it cute that Matteo was blushing.

Nodding, David took the bag from Matteo as his boyfriend produced a lighter.

“I think we can just make do sharing one,” David pulled one out and stuffed the other joint back into the box. He held it out so Matteo could light it before taking a drag and handing it to Matteo.

“Shit,” David coughed. “Where’d you get this?”

“Another parting gift from Reinter,” Matteo shrugged, taking his own hit.

David frowned. He didn’t like the idea of Matteo going to a drug dealers house. He didn’t like that he felt partly responsible for driving Matteo to even look for heavier drugs. And it wasn’t like he outright condemned drugs, but he didn’t condone them either. He knew that some people used weed as a way to relax or relieve pain or whatever. But it wasn’t that Matteo had gone to Reinter for weed, he had gone to the man looking for pills or something harder. And that scared David to even think about. What would have happened if Matteo had gotten what he wanted? Would they have gotten together? Would Matteo be lying dead somewhere from a fucking overdose?

“I love you,” David felt the words leave his mouth before his brain caught up and he laid his head on Matteo’s shoulder.

“Weed making you cuddly?” Matteo laughed and David felt it vibrate in the boy’s chest.

Shaking his head, David moved just enough to kiss Matteo’s shoulder. “Just wanted to tell you.”

Matteo smirked and made a soft sound, “I love you, too.”

And with that, David felt his boyfriend wrap an arm around him. He scooted a little closer to Matteo. Shit, maybe the weed was making him cuddly. Oh fucking well. What was wrong with wanting to be close to his boyfriend?

“If I wasn’t trans, we never would have met,” David blurted after a few minutes of silence.

“Maybe,” Matteo shrugged, taking another hit and blowing out the smoke evenly. David declined when the boy held it out to him. “But if you weren’t trans, you wouldn’t be you.”

“I’d still be me,” David frowned. “Being trans isn’t who I am. It’s just…” He didn’t know where he was going with his thought.

He felt Matteo press a kiss to the side of his head, “I meant…like if I weren’t gay, I wouldn’t be me. I’d be this whole other Matteo. A Matteo who liked girls. A Matteo who would be different.”

“Yeah, if I wasn’t trans, I’d be…a cis woman,” David commented softly.

“Scary thought,” Matteo replied. “You wouldn’t be you. You’d be a whole different person.”

“I might have an easier life as that person. My parents would love that person. My sister wouldn’t have to _deal_ with that person-“

“But you wouldn’t be _my_ person,” Matteo interrupted him.

Sighing, David sat up slightly so he could look at Matteo.

“I’ve never heard you talk like this,” Matteo remarked. “Are you…do you regret…transitioning?”  
  
“No!” David exclaimed, maybe a little too loud. “I’m just thinking. Maybe it is the weed. I don’t know.”

“Hmm,” Matteo’s tone was skeptical.

David shook his head, “I. Am. A. Boy. I’m a boy.”

“Okay,” Matteo nodded. “So, what’s going on?”

Sitting quietly for a second, David tried to gather his thoughts. He had been sitting on this for a few days now, not wanting to tell Matteo. Or really it wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell Matteo, he didn’t know how.

“David,” Matteo sat up and David felt the boy let go of him. “What is it?”

“You…I never told you my birth name,” David didn’t know where else to start.

“No,” Matteo responded tentatively. “It doesn’t matter to me.” 

David nodded, “Right, but you’ve never asked me anything about my time pre-transition.”

“You’re David, that’s all that matters,” Matteo shrugged, and David frowned.

“You don’t always have to say the right thing. It’s okay to be curious!” David didn’t know why he was getting angry at his boyfriend.

“David -“

“Damnit Matteo!”  
  
Matteo took a deep breath, “Okay, yeah. I’m curious. Yeah, it’s crossed my mind what you looked like before you transitioned. Yes, okay! Yes!”  
  
“Was that so fucking hard Matteo?” David snapped.

“What the fuck is wrong with you today?” Matteo snapped back.

“Nothing!” David exclaimed, not meaning too. He took a deep breath and pulled out his phone. He quickly pulled up something and handed it to Matteo. He waited for Matteo to react.

His mother had sent him a text a few days prior with a photo of him pre-transition with the caption, “You were so cute.” It made his heart stop for a second the minute he opened the message. He knew his mother probably didn’t mean anything by it…didn’t think. His mother was always into taking pictures. Growing up, she would take photos of everything and send him one’s that she liked. And he knew, knew she wasn’t trying to do anything. But after the silence and turbulent relationship he had with his parents, it hurt. It felt like she was trying to remind him of who he once was.

“She’s pretty,” Matteo stated, handing David his phone back. “But that’s not you.”

“It was,” David threw his phone to the side next to his backpack. “I tried. I did the whole dress thing. Tried to convince myself that if I just…looked the part, I’d suddenly _become_ a girl. I was born in a girl’s body, so shouldn’t I be a girl? And then you know the rest. I Googled myself and…yeah.”

Matteo nodded, “Maybe…maybe you should call your parents.”

“Why?” David asked. “They didn’t want to see me after practically begging Laura to come stay with us. They had two biological girls before and now…”

“Now they have a son,” David watched Matteo crawl over him and pick up his phone. “Because of you, I had the courage to tell me dad I didn’t want to see him. Now it’s my turn. Call your parents. Tell your mom how you feel.” David felt his phone being placed in his hand before Matteo quickly kissed him and left the tent.

David sat stunned for a second at everything that had happened. Finn, his and Matteo’s fight, his parents, the photo. He knew he was lashing out at Matteo. This trip had been so good for him. He was able to be himself with his boyfriend. They had gotten closer in every way possible - physically, emotionally, sexually. And he didn’t want to leave that. He didn’t want to let that go. But now they had a little more than a week before they went back to their lives in Berlin. At least on the road he could forget about everything. Could forget about his future, his parents, his fucked up problems. He could be silly with Matteo and run free and do whatever they wanted. And now…now Matteo was shoving reality right back into his face.

He took a deep breath and pulled up his mother’s number. His thumb hesitated before he pressed her name and connected the call. A part of him hoped she wouldn’t answer. Hoped that she’d see his name, or _her_ name (if she bothered to change it) and send his call to voice mail.

“H-honey?” His mother’s voice filtered over the line.

David felt like he had been kicked in the gut. “Mama?”

“I…I’m glad you called,” She said.  
  
Swallowing, David nodded. “Are you really?” He genuinely wanted to know.

“I am,” Her voice was soft.

“I got your text message,” He didn’t know what else to say.

He could hear her take a breath. “I was looking through some old photos.”

“Of me…of _her_ ,” David didn’t know why he needed himself separated from his old self.

“Darling, you…her, you’re the same person,” His mother whispered.

David clenched the phone, “I am not a girl.”

“I meant that you can’t change the fact that she was you and you were her for a little while. Even though you’re a boy. That person in those pictures is still you,” She was trying, David could hear it in her voice.

He paused for a second. “Why did you and dad cancel coming to Berlin?” It was one thing that had been weighing on him.

“I didn’t think you’d want to see us.”

“What?” David asked.

“We didn’t want to rush you,” She said simply. “Your father and I…we didn’t want you to feel pressured.”

“You want to see me?” David almost didn’t want to know the answer, but he had to ask anyway.

“Yes,” She whispered. “It’s still hard for us. We’re still…learning, but you are still our child.”

David felt a lump in his throat starting to form and tried to swallow it down.

“I can’t promise much, but…we’re going to try and accept everything. All of it,” She said softly.

“I know it’s not going to be easy. And it’s not what you expected,” David cleared his throat.

“You’re right. We didn’t expect this,” She admitted. “But we’re trying. I just...when you were born, I imagined you and Laura, sisters. Sharing each other’s clothes, sleepovers, clothes shopping. You coming to me with boy problems. And now…”

“Mom, I can still come to you with boy problems,” He tried to joke, but felt a stray tear roll down his cheek.

She laughed and David could hear tears in her voice. “Yeah,” She sniffled.

“I want…want to see you,” His admissions shocked him. “Can I…can I come home?”

“Of course,” She partially sobbed. “Anytime.”

“Can I bring my boyfriend?” David asked quietly.

“I…your father…” She trailed off and David nodded. “Small steps, honey.”

“Okay,” David wiped his eyes. “Can I at least tell you about him?”

He heard her chuckle. “I’d love to hear about him.”

“Well, his name’s Matteo,” David leaned back onto a pillow. He felt lighter, freer. It wasn’t everything, but it was a start.

———————————

The sound of the tent being unzipped startled David out of his reverie. He had ended the call with his mom about an hour prior and had pulled Matteo’s pillow into his arms, inhaling the familiar scent of his boyfriend.

“I got you this,” Matteo’s smiling face peered into the tent, followed by his body.

David laughed when he saw Matteo was holding a large cookie in his hand. “I ate half of it, though,” Matteo moved his hand so the boy could see the bottom half of the cookie was missing.

“Thank you,” David chuckled, sitting up and taking the cookie half from the boy.

“So,” Matteo took a seat.

“What?” David smiled, taking a bite of the cookie.

“What do you mean what?” Matteo asked sarcastically.

David giggled, “It’s…it’s a start.”

Without warning, Matteo pulled David into a kiss that left him breathless.

“You made me drop my cookie,” David whispered when they broke apart, their lips brushing with every word he spoke.

He watched as Matteo pulled away, pick up the cookie piece and shove it into his mouth. When his boyfriend went to kiss him again, the cookie piece so very obviously still intact in his mouth, David resisted for a second before giving in.

Moaning slightly, David wrapped an arm around the back of Matteo’s neck. He tasted little hints of chocolate every so often, until they broke apart again. Matteo chewing the cooking and swallowing it.

———————————

The sun beating down on their tent had made it heat up pretty quickly and David had woken up covered in sweat. Matteo had sat up a few seconds later.

“Fuck, it’s fucking hot as hell,” Matteo moaned.

“Yeah,” David tried to fan himself with his hand to no avail.

“Fuck,” Matteo murmured, taking out his phone.

David closed his eyes as he leaned his head against the tent, trying to imagine himself in winter. He reached out and unzipped the tent door, trying to let in some sort of circulation into the confined space.

“So, yesterday we were invited to eat…” David opened his eyes hearing his boyfriend’s voice. Looking up, he saw his boyfriend was vlogging and cuddled up to his side. Occasionally adding into the story, but mostly letting Matteo talk about what happened the previous day with Finn.

“How long do you think it’ll be until one of the boys sends us a message?” Matteo laughed after posting the video to his Instagram Story.

“Probably five minutes or so,” David laughed. “I think my sister still checks your Instagram too, so maybe her?”

They chuckled and David felt himself being pulled down as Matteo leaned back.

“I…”

“You?” David turned so he could look into Matteo’s eyes.

Matteo shook his head, “Nothing.”

“What?” David asked.

“Why do you…never mind,” Matteo blushed.

David reached up to place a hand on Matteo’s cheek. “Why do I what?”  
  
“Nothing,” Matteo smiled leaning down to peck David’s lips. He knew his boyfriend's smile was fake, but decided not to push it, figuring Matteo would come to him when he was ready.

“Can we just stay like this for a while?” David asked nuzzling into Matteo’s chest.

“For a little while,” Matteo said softly, wrapping an arm around David’s shoulders. “Then we need to start heading out.”


	16. Not Even A Little

****

**I'm insecure and defensive**  
**Tell me what you're thinking**  
**When you wanna spend some time by yourself**  
**Tell me, do you miss me?**  
**And I don't need a pass (Nah)**  
**'Cause I know I'm acting wrong (Nah)**  
**I hate myself when the thought comes up**  
**I know better but not enough, yeah**  
**I've got an insecure question**  
**Do you wanna fuck? ~ _Help Me Now_ by Kevin McHale**

Matteo chuckled as he walked towards the gas station. He had left David with their bags near a street corner with an entrance to the highway. They figured this would be the best place to try and hitch. They had made it to Pompeii.

Rubbing his wrist, Matteo couldn’t help but smile at the memory of him singing _But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?_ and David smacking his wrist the tenth time he sang it into David’s ear as off-key as he could possibly manage.

Looking over his shoulder, he shook his head when he spotted David sprawled out on their backpacks with his eyes closed. Fuck, he loved that boy so much.

David never judged him, not for real. The boy would tease him all the time, but it was nothing serious. Matteo knew that at the end of the day, David had his back. But Matteo still didn’t quite get what he could offer his boyfriend. Yeah, the sex was great. Amazing. Earth shattering. But aside from their physical connection, he didn’t really feel like he gave much to David in return. He was insecure. He was awkward. He knew he had emotional issues and could have a temper. He also knew that he couldn’t provide for David in any sort of financial way. Sure, he bought him candy and other small shot, but he could never afford to give them a home. A life. And David deserves stability after everything the boy had faced.

And then there was university looming over their heads. Matteo was so proud of David for wanting to pursue his dreams and get an education. He was excited that David was going to make something out of himself. But where did that leave Matteo? He knew it was a selfish question. He knew that David wanting to go to school had nothing to do with Matteo, but it still affected him. It meant less time together. It meant that they could grow apart. That Matteo could lose the one thing that kept him grounded. That kept him from losing himself completely. He didn’t want to become a loser. He didn’t want to become a Rentier. He wanted love. He wanted to be loved. He wanted to live his life.

Taking a deep breath, he pulled the door open to the small station and walked in, grabbing a few packages of candy and pulled a water out of the cooler.

When he went to go pay, he nodded to the clerk. “Do you know how I can get to Rome by tomorrow?” He asked, handing over ten euros.

“Kid, I can take you if you buy me a water,” a gruff looking man approached. “My truck’s right there.” He pointed to a rig outside.

“My friend’s with me. Do you have room for us both?” Matteo asked.

The man shrugged. “He’ll have to half sit on your lap. My cab isn’t that big.”

Matteo smiled and nodded, thinking of having David pressed up against him for an extended period of time. “Let me go get him.”

“I take off in five minutes,” the trucker nodded.

Matteo waved and started running towards David.

“David!” He shouted. ”David, David, David,” he repeated as he got closer. “I got us a ride!” He stopped abruptly, his arm punching forward by accident.

He couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him at David’s flinch at the sight of Matteo’s fist flying through the air.

“Okay,” David croaked in a weird voice, sitting up.

Matteo laughed and grabbed David’s hands, tugging his boyfriend to his feet.

“Matteo! Wha-“

“We got to go now!” Matteo hastily, grabbed up his backpack and waited for David to do the same.

Somehow, they made it in time and Matteo ran back inside the station to grab their snacks and a water for the trucker.

“Thanks!” The trucker nodded, taking the bottle from Matteo’s hand. “Name’s John.”

“John?” Matteo found it odd that an Italian truck driver would have such an American name.

“Yup,” John laughed, starting the truck’s engine. “Grew up in the states and friends couldn’t pronounce Joaozinho, so they called me _John_. And I guess it just stuck.”

“Oh,” Matteo nodded, “I’m Matteo and this is David.” He had to hold in his laugh when David waved slightly. His boyfriend still didn’t know a word of Italian, even though they’d been in Italy for a little while already. But he always waved when he heard his name.

“Good to meet you both,” John smiled. “He speak Italian?” The man motioned to David.

“Nope. German and English,” Matteo announced.

“Ah, well, good to meet you David,” John said in English.

“Yeah, you too,” David stuttered back.

“You’re cute,” Matteo whispered to David in German.

“Fuck you,” David poured back.

“Don’t have to be German to know what your friend just said,” John laughed in Italian.

————————————

John proved to be a quiet driver, not really conversing with the boys except to comment on something to Matteo in Italian.

Matteo had kept his arms around David, who indeed was half on Matteo’s lap. Matteo had wrapped his arm that was out of John’s sight around David’s waist and slipped it into his boyfriend’s front pant pocket.

“You good?” Matteo whispered.

“Sure,” David shrugged, leaning back into Matteo.

“You good?” David asked back.

“Sure,” Matteo nodded, his face close to David’s neck.

“You boys together?” John asked Matteo.

Matteo hesitated. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed to say yes. Quite the opposite. He just didn’t know how people would react. John seemed nice enough, but then again a lot of homophobes did.

“Why?” Matteo asked.

John shrugged, “I just don’t get it. You know? Like two dudes.”

“Nope,” Matteo shook his head. “Just friends. We both have girlfriends.” Matteo squeezed David’s thigh before he removed his hand altogether.

“Knew it. What’s their names?”

Matteo shrugged. “Uh, my girl’s name is Sara and his is Leonie.”

“Nice, kid. They sound hot.” John remarked.

“Yeah. They’re great,” Matteo nodded.

“Sounds like you guys are doing good for yourselves,” John laughed, and Matteo shook his head at David’s confused look at the mention of both their ex-girlfriends.

“Yeah. We’re pretty lucky,” Matteo nodded.

“Well we’re here,” John gestured with his head to the city. “Welcome to Rome boys,” the man slowed the truck to a stop to allow Matteo and David to get out.

“Thanks,” Matteo waves before grabbing David’s arm and quickly walking away.

“What was that?” David asked. “Sara and Leonie?”

Matteo nodded, ducking them both between two buildings. “Dude didn’t like gay guys. Said he didn’t understand how men could be with other men. He asked if we were together?”

“And you told him no,” Matteo could see David starting to put the story together.

“Yeah. He asked if we had girlfriends,” Matteo related.

“Hence why you said Sara and Leonie?” David asked.

Matteo nodded before leaning in to press a kiss to David’s lips.

David giggled against it and Matteo felt the vibrations from his boyfriend’s laughter through their connected lips.

“I’m glad we’re out of that situation,” Matteo felt David’s hand curl around his. “We going to stay here tonight?”

Matteo nodded. “Yeah. Let’s find a motel or something.”

“Okay,” David nodded back.

————————————

They ended up at a run-down motel. It reminded Matteo of something out of a horror film. But it was a bed in a room and, he did have to admit, the sheets did look clean.

He set his backpack down with a heavy sigh.

“What’s wrong?” David asked.

Matteo shrugged. “We’re almost home.”

“Well, nine days or so,” David pointed out.

“Yeah,” Matteo mumbled.

“Hey! What’s up?” Matteo felt David’s finger under his chin, gently lifting it up so he would look at David.

“Nothing,” Matteo sighed.

“Here, come on,” Matteo was suddenly being pulled to sit on the bed. David in front of him. “I wasn’t going to do this, but you’ve left me no choice.” David placed one hand on each side of Matteo’s face, “Talk to me.”

Matteo cleared his throat, arching back out of David’s hold. “Do you love me?” It didn’t come out right, and Matteo flinched at his own question.

“What?” David asked incredulously. “Of course I do!”

“No, that’s not...I, err, I...know you love me, but why?” Matteo couldn’t look David in the eyes.

“Umm,” David nodded. “Okay. I...I love you. That’s it.”

“No, but like why are you in love with me? Are you in love with me?”

Matteo watched David’s eyes widen in surprise. “Is there something going on I don’t know about?”

“No, just...forget I said anything,” Matteo tried to backtrack. “Let’s have sex!” He winked, trying to be funny. It fell flat.

“Matteo,” David started, and Matteo felt his hand being pulled into David’s lap. “Why do I love you? Because, you’re everything to me. You listen. You understand, even when you don’t. You’ve never tried to invalidate me as a person. And you never will. You just...get _me_. And I need that,” David squeezed Matteo’s hand between his own. “You don’t care that I’m trans. You don’t care that I look the way I do. You want me anyways.”

“I want you always.” Matteo laughed softly.

“But above all of that, you’re my best friend. I know I can trust you with everything,” David shrugged and Matteo nodded.

“Okay,” He whispered.

David smiled softly, “Okay?”

“Can we fuck now?” Matteo asked, wrapping his free hand around the back of David’s neck and pulling him into a kiss.

“Well...” David teased.

“When we get back, shit knows when we’ll have proper alone time,” Matteo argued.

“Good point,” David rolled his eyes in a playful manner. “It’s not like you have a door that both shuts and locks!”

“You think that’ll stop Hans?” Matteo shook his head. He watched as David thought for a second.

“You’re right,” David laughed and thought for another second. “Laura knows we have sex and that just makes it weird now.”

Matteo nodded, pushing David gently onto his back. “Is that a yes?”

“Yes,” David whispered.

“We haven’t done it in a while,” Matteo commented, his hand trailing down David’s stomach. Matteo used his other hand to reach over the bed. He unzipped his backpack with some struggle and rooted through until he his fingers wrapped around a familiar tube. He pulled it out with a smile. “Lube?”

He watched as David nodded. “Condom.” David stated.

Matteo nodded and lifted off of his boyfriend to pull a foil packet out of his bag.

Once they were both adequately undressed, Matteo once again had David underneath him and his fingers were slick with lube.

“You okay?” Matteo whispered.

David nodded, spreading his legs a little wider.

“Fuck,” Matteo pressed his lips against David’s as two of his fingers entered the boy.

“Shit,” David gasped. Matteo couldn’t help but attach his lips to the side of the boy’s neck when David arched into him.

“Hmm,” Matteo smiled, twisting his fingers and feeling David whimper against his neck. “Like that?”

Matteo felt David clutch him just a little bit tighter, panting.

“Please, please,” David whined.

“Shh, let me get you there,” Matteo soothed, withdrawing his fingers. In a few short motions, Matteo had the condom on and lubed himself up. “You ready?”

“Do it. Just do it!” David begged and moaned loudly when Matteo finally pushed inside.

“Tell me you’re good,” Matteo needed to hear it from David. Needed to know that David was enjoying it.

“Yes!” David keened making Matteo chuckled.

“Hmm,” Matteo hummed pressing his lips against David’s. He grabbed one of the boy’s hands from where it had wrapped around his neck and brought them down to the bed, twisting their fingers together. With that, he thrust hard and fast, wanting to make it last, but wanting to get them both there.

“Fuck!” David shouted. “Matteo!”

Slowing to an almost stop, Matteo rested their foreheads together. “I’ve got you.”

“Fuck! Matteo come on!” David begged.

Matteo couldn’t help the proud feeling that flooded him at his boyfriend’s state. He stayed inside of David and swiveled his hips, smiling at the boy’s whining.

They rocked together; Matteo determined to make David come first. He slammed into David a few more times hard and heard the boy choke out a gasp and tense up for a second. He felt another burst of pride flow through him when he looked down to see David’s blissed out face. Tiny cries escaped David’s mouth as Matteo fucked into him fast, chasing his own relief. He found it six thrusts later, pressing into David as far as he could.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” David murmured as if on a loop. Matteo chuckled, burying his face in his boyfriend’s neck as he tried to regain some sense.

“Fuck is right,” Matteo repeated, his voice muffled. He felt David trail a hand down his back in response.

When David shifted slightly, Matteo took that as his cue to roll over.

“I’m going to pull out now,” He pressed another miss to David’s lips as he started to slide from his boyfriend’s body.

“Matteo,” David whimpered just as Matteo separated their bodies.

As quickly as he could, Matteo tied off the condom and cleaned himself off with a few tissues. He grabbed more from the box on his night table before rolling to face David and cleaning the boy up. He giggled when David trembled and made a soft sound as he cleaned between the boy’s legs.

“You okay?” He asked, tossing the tissues in the general direction of where he remembered seeing a trash can.

“Yes,” David whispered tucking himself into Matteo. “God that was good.”

Matteo chuckled. “So good.”

“Umm hmm,” David’s hum vibrated against Matteo’s neck. “Fuck, I can still feel you.”

That caused Matteo to preen a bit. “You want to go again?” He felt himself making a valiant attempt to get hard again after hearing those words from David’s lips.

David moaned brokenly in response.

“Is that a yes?” Matteo raised an eyebrow, rolling on top of David again.

“I’m going to be so sore,” David stated, but nodded his assent and wrapped a leg around Matteo’s waist.

————————————

When they finally dragged themselves out of bed and into some clothes, it was already early evening. Matteo chuckled as he held David’s hand. The boy was walking slower than normal, and Matteo loved seeing that. They had sex two more times that afternoon. Matteo wanted to go a fourth round, but David stopped them, complaining he was feeling numb and wanted to be able to enjoy it too.

So, they had taken a long hot shower, dressed and took on the city.

“Where do you think we’ll be in a year?” Matteo reached down and twined his and David’s fingers together.

David shrugged, “Moabit?”

“Funny,” Matteo laughed, enjoying their walk. He was surprised at how relaxed he was holding David’s hand. “I’m serious.”

“I don’t know,” David stated. “What’s going on with you? You ask me why I love you, now you’re asking this. Are you okay?”

Matteo shrugged, pulling David off to the side. “I...I...this summer has been so great. And I just...it’s stupid never mind,” He couldn’t finish, feeling foolish.

“Tell me,” David squeezed his hand and Matteo could hear a softness to David’s voice.

Matteo sighed. “What’s going to happen when we get back to Berlin?”

“How do you mean?”

“I don’t want _us_ to change,” Matteo admitted.

“Nothing’s going to change,” David stated.

Matteo groaned in frustration, “Everything is going to change. We don’t even live close to each other. I have to ride a fucking bike to your place. And you’re going to be doing your film. And will we ever see each other? And I’ll...shit I don’t even know what my life is going to be,” Matteo knew he was starting to panic, but it felt like all of a sudden realization hit him of the reality that in a week this was all ending.

“Hey!” David’s voice was loud in Matteo’s ears. “Stop for a second.”

Matteo nodded.

“I’m scared too. Of what’s going to happen. But I know I want _us_ ,” David nodded back.

“I want _us_ , too.” Matteo half smiled, feeling vulnerable. He hated that feeling. But with David, he at least felt safe to be vulnerable.

After a few minutes of quiet, Matteo broke it by his stomach rumbling.

“Hungry?” David giggled.

Matteo laughed, “Come on. I think I saw a McDonalds a little ways back.”

“McDonalds? You bring me to Rome and we’re going to eat at McDonalds?” David’s voice was full of incredulity.

Matteo chuckled. They might not have solved everything - not even a little bit, but in that moment it didn’t matter. “Get used to it baby! This is your life now!”  
  



	17. My ID makes me look like an asshole

****

**I've sacrificed more than enough**  
**And after everything I've done**  
**I'm still not where I wanna be**  
**So what more do you want from me ~ _By Now_ by Will Jay**

When he was a child who didn’t really understand that there was a whole universe outside his house, people would ask him what _she_ wanted to be when _she_ was grown up. The answer was always the same: a _boy_.

His family and his parent’s friends would always laugh, thinking it was _so cute_. Until David got too old, and then it stopped being cute and just made the situation awkward.

And he didn’t even know at the time what it meant. Why he kept saying he wanted to be a boy. He was too young to know really about gender or gender identity.

It had nothing to do with penis envy or feminism or being a lesbian, as he had overheard his parents discussing when he was just ten years old. It was about feeling different, awkward, uncomfortable and not knowing what to do about it.

He never once felt comfortable living as a girl. His mom would put him in dresses, pin his hair up and let his family fawn all over him. Tell him he was such a pretty little girl. But he always wanted to scream back that he wasn’t a girl. He didn’t know what he was, he just knew that he hated being a girl. Hated seeing himself in the mirror.

When he was a young teen, he had tried so hard to fit in. To _be_ a girl. He thought if he just acted like a girl, thought like a girl, hung out with girls, and dressed like a girl, he’d magically wake up one morning and not feel hatred towards his own body. But that didn’t happen. It made him feel even more separated, even more awkward, even more confused.

So, on a Thursday night, after his parent’s had gone to their room, he shut his door, crawled into bed and pulled all the covers over his head. He pulled out his phone, opened a browser in private mode and Googled his “symptoms.” That was the night he learned about transgender and female-to-male transitioning. And he had felt so much relief rush through his body because he wasn’t crazy. He wasn’t the only one. He had a “diagnosis.”

Yet, at the same time it was soul crushing because this was not something a pill could cure. This was so much bigger and complex than he could wrap his brain around. His life both ended and started that day.

He was pulled from his thoughts at the sight of Matteo pulling on a shirt, the boy’s boxers sitting low around the waist. A familiar heat started to pool in his groin. Matteo was cute and sexy that it drove David crazy. And then Matteo hid under layers of clothes covered his face with his hair.

But now that it was summer Matteo couldn’t hide anymore. And David guessed, neither could he, even though they both still tried.

“What?” Matteo asked, “Do I have something on my face?”

David hadn’t realized he was staring. “Yeah,” he stood up and closed the distance between them. “Me.” He laughed, pulling the boy in for a chaste kiss.

His boyfriend had taught David how to be more playful. But the biggest thing Matteo taught him was that he didn’t have to be on guard all the time. He could be himself, as weird or eccentric as he wanted to. He didn’t have to be _cool_ David Schreibner all the time. He could be _just David_. And _just David_ liked to be silly and fun, but he could also be angry and imperfect. And Matteo just took him as he was.

When he first came to Berlin, he had been obsessed with portraying himself as cool, uncaring and distant. He didn’t want, _no_ , he couldn’t let anyone get close to him. He needed people to leave him alone. And the few interactions he had with other students before he met Matteo were always quick and calculated. He talked as least as he could. He avoided eye contact. He kept his head down and his headphones on. He needed it that way. But then Matteo came along and blew his whole world to shit.

“Where we heading to next?” David asked, letting Matteo go and walking back to his backpack to find a clean shirt.

He pulled a wrinkled blue button down from the bottom of his bag. He gave it a sniff and decided it was clean. _When did I turn into Matteo?_ he laughed to himself. That was one of Matteo’s ways of decided if something was suitable to wear. David had laughed at his boyfriend on many occasions when Matteo would dig through his laundry basket and pull a clothing item out and sniff it, deciding if it was good enough for the day.

“Maybe Florence? A lot of people probably heading that way,” The boy shrugged.

“Sounds good,” David nodded.

“We are also going to need this,” David was handed a blank piece of cardboard.

“What’s this for?” He asked in confusion.

Matteo zipped up his jeans, “Got to make it believable. I don’t want Jonas suspecting anything. He’s already texted a few times kind of hinting when we’ll be back.”

“Okay, that I understand,” David held up the cardboard. “But this?”

“Post for Instagram. So, he thinks we’re still going through Italy,” Matteo explained with a shrug.

David chuckled,” You’re really going all out.”

“He’s...Jonas,” Matteo justified. “Which reminds me, you never told me your birthday.”

“No, I didn’t,” David laughed. It’s not that he didn’t want Matteo to know. It’s just that ever since he came out birthdays served only one purpose. Turning eighteen meant he could start the process of having a mastectomy. Turning nineteen meant a, hopefully, new life.

“Are you going to?” Matteo teased and David felt the boy’s hands on his hips.

David contemplated the question for a second. No more secrets between them. That was their new thing. Communication. He took a deep breath and pulled out his wallet. From there he took out a familiar plastic card. He looked down at it for a second. Looked down at _her_ and kept the sigh that threatened to escape inside because it was him, but it was also her. His birth name still etched across the card. He didn’t want Matteo to think he was being forced to do this. One last glance down and he handed the card to Matteo wordlessly.

“Wha-“ He heard Matteo ask before he gasped slightly. “Oh.”

When Matteo didn’t say anything else, David ventured a glance. Matteo was no longer looking at the ID card but typing on his phone.

“What are you doing?” David asked tentatively.

“Putting your birthday in my phone,” Matteo shrugged and looked up. “Oh,” David waited. He didn’t really know what for. He guessed some kind of reaction.

He watched Matteo glance down at the card one more time before handing it back.

“Umm, so…” David didn’t know what else to say.

“Oh, right…” Matteo shrugged, “You never had to tell me. You know, what your birth name was.”

“Were you curious?” David asked, he knew they had this conversation before, but he had to know. Did Matteo imagine what David looked like before he christened himself _David_?

Matteo shrugged, “Not really. I mean, you’re David. I don’t know…maybe a little. But that person, that name. I don’t know that person. I don’t…don’t love that person.”

“You know, you don’t always have to say the right things,” David laughed softly, “It’s…it’s perfectly okay for you to wonder about my past. I won’t hold it against you.”

“I guess…it doesn’t matter so much to me. And I could ask you the same thing. Aren’t you curious about who I was before we met?” Matteo countered and David was taken aback by that. Sure, he had thought about what Matteo was like growing up with Jonas and eventually Abdi and Carlos. He wanted to know how their little group of makeshift misfits became friends, became _family_.

“Sometimes,” David answered honestly.

Matteo sat down on the bed, “Pretty much like I am now. Except a lot more weed and alcohol, I suppose. Or maybe not as much. Who the fuck knows. I was just me, except younger.” He shrugged. “Can I ask you one thing?”

“Sure,” David shrugged, sitting next to Matteo.

“How did you pick the name _David_?” Matteo blushed, “Maybe that’s not an appropriate question.”

“No,” David shook his head, “I mean…it’s not something I’d answer for just anyone. But you…I asked Laura if she knew what my parents would name me if I had been born in the correct body. I guess my mom really liked the name David and it’s from the story David and Goliath. You know, how the little guy defeats the giant. I guess…I don’t know, at the time it felt like everything was so much bigger than me. So much more overwhelming and I…I don’t know,” David couldn’t explain it. His name was something that just felt right. It was like an old friend. It was familiar.

“Right,” Matteo nodded, and David reached over to grab his boyfriend’s hand for a second.

“I don’t know how to explain it. And I guess…I might not always be able to explain why certain things are important to me. But I want you to know me. Okay? I want you to not be afraid to ask me stuff, even if you think it’ll offend me. I’ll tell you if it does.” David needed Matteo to know that. He needed certain things to be said, to be known before they stepped foot back into Germany.

“Can I ask why you still have an ID with that name on it?” Matteo asked in a small voice.

David nodded, “There are a lot of legal stuff I need to do and it’s expensive. And when I first started transitioning, my mom asked me to hold off on changing my gender officially until I turned eighteen. She thought I might change my mind.”

“Oh,” Matteo nodded. “How much does it cost?”  
  
“A lot,” David replied with a shrug. “That’s why I always make you buy beer and shit, because it’s always a hassle for me.”

“Because of the name and picture,” Matteo concluded.

“Yup,” David nodded. “That picture was taken when I was thirteen. I hadn’t really started transitioning yet. But now…I have to renew my ID when I turn nineteen and…yeah that’s going to suck.”

“Hmm,” Matteo hummed and rubbed David’s arm for a second. “My ID makes me look like an asshole.”

“Oh, I’m sure it doesn’t,” David laughed.

“No, I mean like a literal asshole,” Matteo laughed. “Jonas pointed it out. I look like an asshole.” He pulled out his wallet and handed his ID to David.

“Why-why are you…what is that look on your face?” David asked as he looked over the picture. He wasn’t quite sure what his boyfriend was doing. And Jonas was right, Matteo kind of did resemble an asshole.

“Dunno,” Matteo shrugged taking his ID back from David.

“Shall we go?” David hugged Matteo, his body language betraying his words.

“Yeah,” Matteo nodded, and David felt the boy wrap an arm around him, showing that Matteo wasn’t ready to get up either.

David let himself sink into his boyfriend for a few seconds, breathing the boy in. “Are we going to move?” His voice was muffled by Matteo’s shoulder.

“Nein,” Matteo chuckled, lightening his grip on David.

“We have to get back in time for Jonas’ birthday,” David laughed.

“He can come here,” Matteo whined.

David chuckled, “To a shit motel room in Rome. I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“Fine, fine,” Matteo unceremoniously let David go and pushed him away.  
_________________________________

David didn’t know how Matteo did it, but his boyfriend convinced some tourist women to walk with them to the edge of some trees and take pictures of the two of them posing with the blank cardboard.

It was only after they were done did he see Matteo slip them a joint. He supposed weed was some kind of universal currency.

His phone buzzed in the car that Matteo had managed to get them a ride in and he saw an Instagram notification from Matteo. It was their photo with a caption that made David laughed: **Where next?**.

“Florence,” He mumbled to himself and looked over to see Matteo smiling.

It didn’t take too long to get to Florence from Rome, just shy of three hours. The girl they were riding with had an obsession with Troye Sivan and Nick Jonas and alternated back and forth between the two. David didn’t know why he found it hilarious every time she sang out the lyrics to “Bloom.” Matteo raised an eyebrow at David’s barely contained chuckles. “I’ll tell you later,” He half mouthed, half whispered.

Matteo nodded in confusion and the two sat silently for the rest of the ride. By the time she dropped them off, the sun was just about setting.

“Thanks!” Matteo waved as David grabbed their backpacks from the trunk of the car.

Once she had driven away, Matteo turned to David in confusion.

“That song, ‘Bloom,’ it’s about bottoming,” David snorted. “It’s literally a song about anal sex.”

“Oh,” Matteo laughed.

“And the fact that girl, who seemed so innocent and sweet was singing it…I don’t know. I thought it was funny,” David laughed, realizing maybe his amusement came more from being tired than the actual situation.

“So, would you bloom just for me?” Matteo raised an eyebrow with a smirk.  
  
David rolled his eyes, “Come on, we got to find somewhere to crash.”

“We can always whip out the tent and you can take a trip into my gardens,” Matteo couldn’t hold in his laugh anymore.

“If you think you’re going to get laid tonight,” David shook his head. “Come on, we’ve got some money left to spring on another motel.”

They ended up finding a place that was questionably hygienic, but the manager liked that Matteo spoke Italian and gave them a break on the room because “two young guys should save their money for the ladies.” David wanted to roll his eyes at the amount of machoism that was radiating off the guy, but instead tamped it down and took the discounted rate.

Of course it meant that they were given a room with two _single_ beds. Bolted to the floor. David wondered what was with all this bolting shit to the floor. Did someone actually steal a bed, prompting hotels to bolt their shit down?

“We are not sleeping apart,” Matteo declared.

“Fuck no,” David agreed, changing into Matteo’s hoodie and discarded his pants so he was only in his boxers. He watched Matteo do the same, sans a shirt.

They silently figured out a way for them both to fit in the bed, Matteo using David as a human body pillow. David felt Matteo’s limbs wrap around him and chuckled. One of Matteo’s legs was thrown over both of David’s, the boy’s head was on David’s chest and an arm was thrown across David’s stomach.

“Comfortable?” David asked with a raised eyebrow, voice full of amusement.

“Yup,” Matteo nodded. “Shh, sleeping.”

He huffed out a laughed and rubbed his hand up and down Matteo’s back.  
_________________________________

David held his hand to his mouth, trying to block out his laughter at Matteo. His boyfriend was doing his best to sound upset as he left Jonas a WhatsApp voice message. To David, it sounded so fake, but probably because he had spent almost every minute with the boy for the past month and some days. But he supposed since Jonas couldn’t see the faces Matteo was pulling as the boy spoke, than it was believable.

“My backpack got stolen?” David asked with a chuckle when he saw Matteo put away the phone.

“I couldn’t think,” Matteo laughed, “Montemerano and your backpack were the two things that came to mind. I mean, you almost did lose your wallet that one time.”

“True,” David shrugged.

Matteo nodded, “So, we’ve got some time to spend, what do you want to do?”

“I read that there’s some cool markets. I want to get your mom something when I meet her,” David stated.

“You don’t have to get her anything,” Matteo shrugged, “She’s just happy I’m in love.”

“Yeah, but still,” David started heading in a direction, that he assumed, would lead them to a market.

Matteo nodded, “I want to get Laura something.”

“Laura doesn’t expect anything,” David smiled. It made him happy that Matteo and Laura got along, especially after the rocky start the two had.

“But she’s your sister,” Matteo reasoned. “She texted me the other day to make sure you were okay. Apparently, you haven’t been texting her.”

“I text her!” David argued.

“In her standards, not enough,” Matteo laughed, pulling out his phone and showing David his WhatsApp chat with her.

David shook his head, “You fucking text with her more than I do.” He laughed. “I’m glad you two get along.”

“Yeah, after she slammed the door in my face, I wasn’t sure,” Matteo chuckled. He could find the humor in the situation now, but then it felt like the world was ending.

“She still feels bad about that,” David admitted. “But she was doing it for me.”

“I get it,” Matteo nodded. “We’re together now.”

“That’s all that matters,” David agreed, grabbing for Matteo’s hand. Fuck anyone who thought they were disgusting or had any choice names to call them.

“We’re going to be together for a long time?” Matteo’s voice was so small that David had to strain to hear it.

“Yeah,” David answered. “We’re going to be alright. I know you’re still worried about what’s going to happen to us, but I’m telling you, we will be _us_.”

“I know,” Matteo nodded.

David nodded back, “You know who I am now.” He changed the subject slightly. “You know all there is to know, now. And no one has ever known me like that except my parents and Laura. And now you.” He needed Matteo to understand that he was committed.

Matteo squeezed his hand in response.

“I told you fate’s shit. It holds us to some fucking bullshit idea that the universe controls our destiny. We control it and if we want to be together, we’ll be together,” David leaned in slightly to Matteo. “We make the rules.”

“We make the rules,” Matteo repeated, “How about rule number one? Feed your boyfriend because he’s fucking hungry.”

“And there’s my Matteo,” David giggled. “McDonalds?” He pointed to the familiar restaurant that was across the street.

“Why, David, you bring me all the way to Florence and you’re treating me to fucking McDonald’s?” He teased the way David did back in Rome.

“Sure am _baby_ ,” David teased back. “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about what goes into changing a name/gender legally in Germany for an ID. I tried to research it, but couldn't find much.


	18. Real Monday

**Remember all those summer nights**  
**It used to be, just you and I**  
**Together we'd be dancing in the street, just wasting time**  
**Oh how I love those summer nights**  
**Remember all those summer nights**  
**It used to be, just you and I**  
**Together walking down the beach, I'd hold you tight**  
**Oh how I love those summer nights ~ _Summer Nights_ by Justin Thorne & Kevin McHale**

Matteo couldn’t believe they were actually doing this. It felt like some scene out of a stupid rom-com movie that Mia made the entire house watch when she lived there. He’d watch many a movie at Mia’s behest because she made dinner in exchange for his attention. Secretly, though, he’d never admit it out loud to anyone — not even David — but he really enjoyed those house get togethers. It made him feel like part of a family, a _real_ family. With Hans being everyone’s mother and father rolled into one. The man had incredible paternalistic instincts. Hans always knew how to get under Matteo’s skin just enough to get a reaction.

Most of his other friends just left him alone or stopped pushing him. They let him bury himself in his head. And he knew it wasn’t their fault. It was his. He’s the one who shut people out. He’s the one that screamed and yelled and could throw a tantrum. And it wasn’t like he did that shit on purpose. He just didn’t know how to deal, had learned to compartmentalize all his shit that when the compartment walls broke, everything came flooding out - usually on the person closest to him. Jonas had learned to coddle him, Abdi and Carlos tended to just accept it, but Hans didn’t take it. And neither did David.

Not only would David _not_ take it. The boy would call him out. It really came out when Matteo was studying for his abi re-take exam. He knew at first he wasn’t really studying, trying to distract David with sex. And David had given in one time before hauling Matteo’s ass into gear.

But David wasn’t all drama and stubbornness. The boy was fun and funny and silly. And Matteo fell in love with that side too. It was a side that David rarely ever let be seen. He’d hide himself, portray himself as cool and calm to their friends, but Matteo got to see the boy geek out. Got to see David get so excited that the boy’s voice went up a couple of octaves. Got to see his boyfriend giggle uncontrollably and feel his arms wrap around the boy at night.

Matteo knew that he had also started to change since he started seeing David. He felt like a better person. And even though he and David didn’t see each other every day back in Berlin, he knew that they were connected and that had always enough. He felt loved. Real, true love. But now, with the days looming ahead, he needed something more concrete than _love_ or _connection_. He had to admit, he wanted _commitment_.

He had gotten so used to being on his own. Being self-sufficient. Not being able to depend on anyone but himself, that this new feeling fucking terrified him. He had felt so much so quickly. When he first saw David, he had instantly felt a pull towards the boy. And now that they were in already in this deep, he tried to get a fucking grip. Tried to prepare himself for anything that might happen. Because inevitably, something _always_ happened. It just went with the territory of being Matteo Florenzi.

And maybe that’s why he was so worried about _their_ future. He didn’t want David to see all the cracks and scars that made him up. Fuck, he didn’t want to see all the cracks and scars that made him. Didn’t want to see that he could host his father’s asshole-ness, didn’t want to know that he could have his mother’s mental state. He had worked really hard to change himself. Change how he was. Maybe that’s why he self-medicated. Maybe that’s why he always went back to Rentier.

But, shit, he needed to get it together.

He felt a tug on his hand before it was squeezed. Looking to his right, he saw David’s smiling face, but there was concern in the boy’s eyes.

“Where’d you go?” David asked as they walked slowly down the beach. It would probably be their last beach day of their trip.

Matteo shrugged, “Nowhere.”

“Right,” David raised an eyebrow. “And my dick is bigger than yours.”

“What the fuck?” Matteo exclaimed. “Where did that come from?”

“I don’t know,” David laughed, “I think you and the boys are rubbing off on me.”

“Well un-rub them from you!” Matteo laughed.

“Tell me,” David said after a few silent seconds.

Matteo shrugged, tugging David’s arm and moving his hand to his boyfriend’s wrist and wrapping it around his waist. He leaned his head on David’s shoulder as they continued to walk. “I’m just getting anxious.”

“About getting back in time?” David offered.

“About going back, period,” Matteo whispered. “About _us_.”

He could feel David frown. “I thought we already talked about this. I thought _you_ felt better.”

Matteo turned his head to kiss the underside of David’s chin. He didn’t really want to respond. He didn’t want David to know that he was fixated on this. No matter how many times the boy could reassure him that they were solid, Matteo would always have that nagging feeling in his stomach. That same feeling he had when he read David’s text asking to be left alone, would always be somewhere in the back of his mind. He didn’t think there would ever be a time when he thought about that moment and didn’t feel like he was going to vomit.

“I did. I _do_. I’m just…when am I going to see you again?” Matteo asked quietly.

“You’re seeing me now,” David chuckled.

Matteo let out a small laugh, rubbing his cheek against David’s shoulder. “I just…never mind.” He moved so he was no longer leaning onto David.

“No, don’t do that,” David scolded mildly. “Talk to me.”

Shoving his hands into his pocket, Matteo kicked at the sand. “We go back to our lives. Back to fucking Moabit, and what am I supposed to do?”

“I thought you were taking the gap year to figure that out,” Matteo felt David tug him a little further down the beach, away from people.

“Yeah, I am,” Matteo shrugged. He couldn’t meet David’s eyes. “I just…what if I don’t figure it out? What if I just…never know.”

He felt David slowly stroke up and down his back. “You will. We’re each other’s motivational coach, right? I’ll help you.”

Matteo sighed. “It’s just you all have your lives practically figured out. You are going to be a filmmaker. Jonas is going to go into politics or something that he can advocate and fight for people’s rights. Even Carlos knows he wants to do repair and handy man type work. But what about me? _Lazy_ Matteo who couldn’t even pass an exam without cheating?”

“Woah!” Matteo watched David take a step back, but the hand on his back stayed there. “Where is this coming from?”

Matteo shrugged.

“You need to stop doing this to yourself,” David said with such force behind his voice that Matteo looked up. “You are smart and kind and amazing. Okay? You don’t judge people unless they hurt someone you love. You just accept everyone as they come. And that’s everything. You don’t question someone for who they are. You just accept them. The world needs more people like that.”

“So, I don’t judge people?” Matteo snorted, looking away. “That’s not a job, David. That’s not a career.”

“It can be,” David stated, “You listen. You don’t judge. You care.” David moved his hand from Matteo’s back to his cheek.

“Are you saying a should be a therapist,” Matteo chuckled.

David shrugged, “Maybe? I don’t know. I just know that without you, I would probably be a homeless teen runaway somewhere in the middle of Germany.”

“I didn’t do much,” Matteo protested.

“You gave me hope. You gave me someone who was inexplicably there. You sat with me on that pool floor and joked with me and took silly selfies until I felt strong enough to leave.” David gave him a small smile.

“I didn’t do-“ Matteo tried to protest again.

David shook his head, “You did, though. I know our friends saw those pictures on Instagram and thought that things weren’t as…bad as they were. But you knew. You were silly with me because _I_ needed that.”

“Well, what was I supposed to do?” Matteo wrapped a loose arm around David’s waist. “When I mentioned going home, you started shaking. I had to do something.”

“You know how to take care of someone. How to give them what they need,” David asserted. “What you do with that, I don’t know. I just know that you _will_ figure it out. Okay?”

Matteo smiled softly, “Okay.” He thought for a second. “Motivational trainer.”

“Come on, let’s sit,” David tugged Matteo’s hand and Matteo went down with his boyfriend.

“You just want to watch the sunset,” Matteo declared.

“Damn straight,” David laughed. “I always wanted to do this with someone.”

“Okay,” Matteo chuckled and laughed even harder at David’s shriek. He had picked up a handful of sand and dropped it down the back of his boyfriend’s shirt.

“Asshole!” David screamed, jumping to his feet and immediately trying to shake all the sand out.

“Come here, I’ll help,” Matteo chuckled.

“No!” David yelled and Matteo laughed even harder when he watched David start to jump up and down while fanning out the back of his shirt.

“Come on,” Matteo gasped, trying to catch his breath.

Grumbling, David sat down next to Matteo.

“Here,” Matteo slipped his hand under the hem of David’s shirt and started brushing off the boy’s binder and the skin surrounding it. When he assumed that most of the sand was gone, Matteo left his hand on the small of David’s back, enjoying the feel of the boy’s skin.

They sat in companionable silence for a little while, watching the sun start to fade into red and orange hues across the water.

“I want to have a life with you,” Matteo admitted softly, watching the water rise and fall.

“I want that too,” David agreed, leaning into Matteo. “I always want you in my life.”

Matteo nodded. “So how do we make that happen?”

He felt David shrug. “Keep doing this,” The boy motioned with his hand. “Talking. I know that’s hard for you,” David teased lightly, playfully elbowing Matteo.

“I like talking to you,” He laughed. “You get it, you know?”

“I know,” David agreed quietly. “Do you ever…think we’re too young?”

Matteo frowned, “Too young? To be in a relationship?”

“To be doing this. To be in love,” David asked. Out of the corner of his eye, Matteo saw David turn his head to look at him.

“No,” Matteo answered simply. “I think we’re…lucky.”

“Matteo, when did you become so sappy romantic?” David asked, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“I’m not,” Matteo chuckled, “I’m just…settled, I guess. I mean when we’re married it’s…” He paused, realizing what he had said. He didn’t mean to say that. Slowly, he turned to look at David, who’s eyes were comically wide. If he wasn’t panicking so much, he’d have laughed.

“Umm,” David cleared his throat, “M-married?”

“Uhh,” Matteo took a deep breath, “Umm…what?”

David scrubbed at his face with his hand. “Do you…want to get married one day?”

“Are you proposing?” Matteo tried to joke, but it fell flat. “I don’t know. Maybe. Do you?”

“I never thought about it,” David shrugged. “I want to be with you, Matteo. But marriage…it just feels so far away in the future. I can tell you, I’m not ready for that right now. I want to get me together before I can even think about it. I want to be the man _I_ want to be when and if that happens.”

“Yeah,” Matteo nodded. “I get it. But you do see us together?”

“I do,” David chuckled at the irony of the words. “I’m in this with you and before we go back, I need to know that you believe me.”

Matteo nodded, “I believe you.”

“Okay, then.” David leaned over and kissed Matteo’s cheek.

“Okay, then,” Matteo repeated and did the same to David.

————————

“Come here, come here,” Matteo demanded, pulling David out onto the dirt road. He had given his phone to a teenage girl and asked her to take a photo of the two of them. She had happily agreed, commenting how cute they were.

Matteo didn’t care if she fawned over _the two boys in love_. As long as they got their picture.

“Can I text this to myself?” She asked, all giggles and smiles.

“Uhh, sure?” David shrugged, and Matteo watched him take the phone back.

“I can’t wait to tell my friends! This has been the greatest day,” She exclaimed, rushing back towards her parents.

Matteo couldn’t help but laugh as David handed his phone back. “This is all for Jonas,” Matteo commented, posted the photo to Instagram and captioning it **Real Monday** and specifically tagging Jonas. “Now, I’m going to text coach and see what’s happening.”

“He’s going to be so excited to see you,” Matteo felt David lean in and watch him type out the message to Amira.

Matteo nodded, “He’s going to be excited to see you too.”

“Maybe,” David shrugged, and Matteo frowned.

“Definitely,” Matteo countered. “Everyone will be.”

He watched David shrug.

“They care about you, David. Of course, they’re going to be excited.” Matteo smiled.

“Maybe I’m just as anxious about going back as you,” David admitted shyly.

Matteo frowned, taking David’s hand into his, “Why?”

“They are _your_ friends.”

“ _Our_ friends,” Matteo corrected his boyfriend.

David shrugged, “Sure.”

“Do you not think they’re your friends too?” Matteo asked in surprise. “They love you.”

“Maybe. I don’t know,” David shrugged again. “I just wonder if we weren’t together…would I even be friends with them?”

Matteo shook his head, “I don’t know. But why does it matter? They care about you. Okay? They _are_ your friends.”

“Sure,” David nodded. “And I know that. I do. But I think you and now Hans are the only two people who wanted to be my friend because of _me_. Not because I was your boyfriend.”

“I think…I think you’ll be surprised when we get back,” Matteo lifted his hand and combed his fingers through David’s hair.

“So, we’re really going back,” David let out a sad laugh.

Matteo nodded, “Yeah.”

Nodding, David leaned into Matteo, “Then…let’s go home.”

“Are you going to be okay?” Matteo needed to know.

“Yeah,” David nodded, “Are you?”

Matteo smiled, “Yeah. I just don’t…want to lose us.”

“We won’t,” David promised, and Matteo didn’t know if he quite believed the boy.

“Can we…talk about what’s going to happen when he gets home?” Matteo asked. “I don’t think I can survive without you in bed with me.” He smirked.

David rolled his eyes, “I swear, you’re obsessed with sex.”

“Not sex,” Matteo laughed. “I just like…knowing you’re there. Knowing you’re with me.”

“Hmm,” David chuckled. “Nothing has to change.”

Matteo nodded. But he knew that things would change once they returned. “How about we do something like date night?”

“Like going out?” David asked.

“No,” Matteo shook his head, “But just one night every week that we spend together no matter what.”

“I like that idea,” David smiled. “We’re committing to each other.”

Matteo felt butterfly’s in his stomach at the word _commitment_. “Yeah. Yeah, I like that, too.”

“It’s a date, then,” David laughed.

Smiling, Matteo nodded.

 _Commitment_.


	19. You and Me

**Can you tell me what hurts more?**   
**Is it remembering or forgetting?**   
**The best that once was ours**   
**Am I remembering, still remembering or forgetting? ~ _Still Remembering_ by As It Is**

David watched as they passed into Germany. It felt both good and sad to be back in their home country. He was anxious to see Laura, see their apartment. He missed the stability of waking up in his or Matteo’s bed.

Of course, he had loved spending so much time with his boyfriend exploring parts of Europe he’d never seen. Opening the photos on his phone, he scrolled to when they just started out on their trip. He clicked on a video, one that would remain just for him and Matteo. It was of them at Hans’. Matteo had taken his phone and filmed him asleep while Matteo mugged for the camera. David couldn’t help but smile as he watched Matteo kiss him a couple times before he woke up. Even though his phone was on mute, he knew he was grumbling in the video.

Swiping through, he knew he had hundreds of memories captured. Most were just for them. And then there was this video. It was dark, grainy and was filmed in a way where nothing could be seen. The only visible action on screen was the blankets moving. It was obvious they were having sex under the blankets, and David could hear the two of them moaning and himself whimpering. Matteo’s groans also filled the video. And despite the fact that neither boy could be seen, nor could any body part, David still blushed as he hid the video from his album. He was embarrassed but at the same time, he felt oddly liberated. He knew on nights when he and Matteo were apart, he’d pull out that video.

That _was_ freedom.

“We’re back,” David sighed.

Matteo nodded. “Yes, we are.”

“Won’t be long now,” He looked over at Matteo.

“We’ve still got another day,” Matteo stated. “We can hang out and be back in time for Jonas.”

David nodded, looking off into the distance. They had spent the last week reassuring each other that when they got back nothing would change between them. But after spending practically every minute together for weeks on end, David was feeling a little on edge at the idea of not having Matteo _there_. They had become dependent on each other, only having one another to turn too.

“Hey,” Matteo whispered and smiled as soon as David looked at him.

“Hey,” David half smiled back. If anything, he knew they needed to talk one last time about _them_. Preferably, not in the back of a stranger’s car.

And as the landscape went by outside the window, David didn’t have to wait too long before the driver was dropping them in Munich. “So, we stay here tonight?” David asked, once they were out of the car.

“Yeah,” Matteo nodded, “What do you say we spend the night in the tent, one last time and tomorrow night we get a motel room?”

“I take it you know where we can set up camp?” David asked with a raised eyebrow.

He watched his boyfriend nod, “We’re not too far from it. Just over that way,” Matteo pointed.  
  
“Please tell me these directions are better than when you had us wandering around in a trash site,” David laughed, hoisting his backpack a little higher.

“You are never going to let me live that down,” Matteo chuckled. “Come on, let’s get some food and set up for the night?”

——————————

David smiled down at the top of Matteo’s head, that was currently taking up residence on his shoulder.

“I have to get a job,” He heard Matteo groan and chuckled.

“Yeah,” David nodded. “Where?”

He felt Matteo shrug. “Hans said I could be his personal assistant.”

“Now, that’s something I’d pay to see,” David laughed. “Maybe you could temp. Laura did that for a little while. Money’s okay.”

Matteo scrunched his nose at the suggestion.

“Well, what do you want to do?” David asked, drawing his hand up and down his boyfriend’s back. “You like to cook.”

“Hmm,” The boy made a noncommittal noise.

David nodded, “It doesn’t need to be decided today.”

“Hmm,” Matteo repeated.

A quiet minute passes and David had just closed his eyes when he felt his boyfriend’s fingers slip under the elastic waistband of his boxer’s. He gasped in surprise at the featherlight touches that Matteo was currently ghosting against him.

“What?” David looked down to see a grinning Matteo.

“Can you be quiet?” Matteo raised an eyebrow. “Let me get you off.”

David clenched his teeth when Matteo’s finger’s hit at just the right angle. His fingers scrabbled to find purchase somewhere, and he ended up with a fistful of sleeping bag and his other hand clenching at Matteo’s back.

“Yeah?” His boyfriend looked up, stopping all movements and David knew the boy was waiting for his assent.

When Matteo started to move again, he let his whole-body sink into the feelings his boyfriend was causing. He was never more grateful when Matteo brought their lips together, muffling and swallowing down all of his noises.

His orgasm snuck up on his almost too quickly. After the past month and a half or so, Matteo had learned where to touch, press, twist that would get David there fast. Which really came in handy when they didn’t have much privacy.

“Fuck,” David wheezed out against Matteo’s lips, trying to stop the aftershocks from overwhelming him. “Fuck.”

“You alright?” Matteo asked with a grin.

David nodded, “You?” He knew it didn’t make much sense what he was asking, but Matteo understood.

“Yeah,” Matteo chuckled. “I have to change my underwear.”

“Me too,” David groaned but smiled to himself when he felt his boyfriend peel the soiled garment down his legs.

It took a few minutes, but once they were both clean enough, David rolled onto his side. He watched Matteo mirror his position.

“Let’s aim to have sex at least once a week,” David suggested. He didn’t want to lose the physical connection he felt with Matteo. The boy made him feel wanted, sexy...the idea that Matteo wanted to bring him to orgasm and that because of David, Matteo came - it was mind blowing.

“ _At least_ ,” Matteo muttered reaching out with his hand and David felt the boy squeeze his fingers. “I love you.”

David didn’t think he’d ever grow tired of hearing those words on Matteo’s lips. “I love you too.”

After some silence, David had assumed his boyfriend had fallen asleep, but was startled slightly when Matteo started to speak.

“Do you ever worry?”

“About what?” David asked, slightly confused.

“About shithead people. Homophobes. Transphobes. Look at some of the fucking world leaders. They’d much rather see us as less than human, or worse, dead before just accepting us.” David looked over Matteo’s worried expression.

“Sure, sometimes. But don’t we deserve to be happy? Just because people are assholes doesn’t mean we should hide. I’m sick of fucking hiding,” David shrugged, thinking back to that day before he and Matteo were a couple. That day when Matteo kissed him and he told the boy _not here_ , so afraid to do anything. But now, he wanted to take past David aside and tell him it was going to be fine. That he was going to find love and that he was going to let someone love _him_.

“I worry,” Matteo said softly.

David frowned, “Why?”

“I worry about you. And _I know_ you can take care of yourself. I do. It’s just...you’re one person. And...fuck I’m not making sense,” Matteo cut himself off.

Nodding, David traced a finger over Matteo’s cheek. “I get it. I worry about you, too. Every time you went to Rentier’s, I worried.” He paused. “I guess it just comes with being a couple.”

“We’re a couple,” Matteo chuckled. “Makes us sound like cutesy and shit.”

“Hmm,” David shrugged and thought for a second. “Fuck it. Fuck me.” He deadpanned. Maybe it was the fact that the trip was a little more than 36 hours away from being over, or the fact that Matteo was being...well...Matteo. But he suddenly was struck with just how much he loved and wanted the boy.

“What?” Matteo laughed, but David could see his boyfriend’s hand reaching towards their backpacks in search of a condom.

“We’ll be quick,” David moved so he was straddling Matteo. The boy looked confused for a second of how he was suddenly on his back but got over it pretty quickly.

David nodded, waiting for Matteo to nod that he wanted this to happen too. He watched Matteo roll on the condom before nodding back. Wordlessly, David positioned himself and slowly sank down onto Matteo, breath hitching a few times at how deep his boyfriend felt, mixed with the sensitivity from their earlier activities.

A high-pitched whine escaped him, and Matteo immediately raised his hand to David’s mouth.

“Pshht,” Matteo scolded with a smile.

David resorted to licking Matteo’s palm before biting down, probably too hard, when his boyfriend thrust up at a particularly good angle.

And afterwards, when they laid giggling in a breathless heap, David knew without a doubt that Matteo was it. He’d found his home and he couldn’t wait to fill it with their memories, their life together. But they were still teenagers, so he also thought they weren’t ready to really acknowledge that they were each other’s forever. Yeah, they might say it, but saying and meaning are two-way different things.

Of course, he’d had his doubts in the past. He’d been hurt by love before. Not romantic love, but love, nonetheless. His parents. But now...now he put his trust in Matteo. He trusts that Matteo won’t hurt him.

And he would never hurt Matteo. But he _knows_ that his boyfriend still harbors fear that one day David will just up and leave. He knows the hurt sometimes still stings from the time he pushed Matteo away.

He took a dee breath and blew it out with a shudder. The tent was dark except with a bit of the night light illuminating their tent. He could vaguely hear a few conversations from other campsites around them. And briefly wondered if the other inhabitants had heard them. But that thought was gone almost as soon as it came. He cared more about the feel of Matteo’s arms around him, the boy’s breath tickling the stray ends of his hair. A part of him wished that they could just stay like this. In their little cocoon of sweat, sex, and love. It was what he’d always wanted. To feel like he belonged. That he was a part of something more than _David Schreibner_.

“Is this real?” He blurted, not realizing he had spoken out loud until he felt Matteo’s hand still where it was roaming along his arm.

“I hope so,” Matteo chuckled.

David made a soft sound. “I love you.” It was barely a whisper.

“I’ll never get tired of that,” David could hear the emotion in his boyfriend’s tone. Sometimes Matteo would make a joke, but he thinks they both knew this was a moment. “I love you, too.”

—————————

It felt odd. Their last day of this trip and David felt an odd sense of neediness. At first, he thought it might be carry over from their intimacy the night before. But now he was sure that it was because he knew this was it. They’d never get this time back. But he also felt a sense of something else he couldn’t put his finger on. Because this trip had also taught them _how_ to be a couple. _How_ to love one another. And most importantly, _how_ to fight and come out the other side.

David wrapped an arm around Matteo, kissing his cheek.

“You want to stay the night at the WG when we get back? I’m sure Hans would love to see you,” Matteo stated.

“I would,” David tightened his arm around Matteo for a second. “But I think Laura would be upset if I didn’t see her.”

He felt Matteo sigh.

“It’s only one night,” David laughed, but also felt a pang too.

Truth was, he didn’t know when he and Matteo would spend the night together after this last night. He knew eventually they would but going back home meant going back to everything they left behind. Matteo already was talking about hanging out with the boys and Leonie and Sara had already texted him about grabbing coffee. Reality was already started back up and they hadn’t even made it home yet.

“Tonight, we’re getting a motel room and we’re going to have a proper dinner,” David remarked kissing the boy’s forehead.

“And I’m going to make love to you,” Matteo chuckled.

“Make love? What? You getting sappy on me Florenzi?” David laughed.

He felt Matteo shrug. “I just want you, naked, in a bed with no interruptions.”

David hummed in agreement. “You just want to fuck me.”

“Not going to argue with that,” Matteo sat up.

“I remember when you were so nervous that every time you moved you asked if you were hurting me,” David giggled softly.

Matteo shrugged. “Do you know what I remember?” He paused. “I remember looking into your eyes and watching you come. I was fucking speechless.”

“I’ll tell you s secret,” David swallowed thickly. He’d never told anyone, not even Matteo this. He knew his cheeks were already ringing red even before he said it. “Our first time...it was my first time...you know, to ever...orgasm.”

“You’d never...”

“I never wanted to. With the dysphoria I could barely stand to shower naked...let alone masturbate,” David explained.

And it was true. There was one time when he was thirteen that he tried to masturbate, and it just didn’t happen. He felt silly for one, and two, it just felt gross. Like it wasn’t his body. But now, after testosterone, transitioning, and now Matteo, he finally felt pretty fucking good about his physicality. He supposed this trip also helped settle him. He knew he was being crude, but knowing he made Matteo hard made him feel amazing.

“That makes sense,” Matteo nodded.

David was glad that his boyfriend didn’t make a big deal out of it. But there was something weighing on his mind. “Do you...ever wish I was cisgender?”

“That you’d been born with a penis?”

David couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped him. “That I’d been born into a male body.”

He watched Matteo think for a second. He knew the boy was processing the question. “Only so you wouldn’t go through the shit you did.”

“But don’t you, I don’t know, feel like you’re missing out because I don’t...I wasn’t born with...fuck!” He whispered harshly.

“Stop,” Matteo commanded quietly. “I want you. All of you. And it fucking offends the shit out of me that you think I’d wish you were different. You don’t have a large cock? So-fucking-what. And you, asshole, have a dick. It’s not like massive, but you have one.”

David took a deep breath but didn’t know what to say.

“So, stop thinking so little of me, okay? I hate that you think I’m not capable of…wanting _you_ Did it feel like I didn’t want your body just an hour ago?” Matteo spat harshly. “David, we can’t keep doing this. _I_ won’t keep doing this with you.”

“I know, I know. I don’t know…I guess it’s just being so close to home,” David sighed. “It’s bringing back a lot of shit for me.”

Matteo nodded.

“I feel like I’m just going in circles. It’s the dysphoria. It’s just…so bad sometimes,” David tried to explain. He was working on it. He had worked on it. Had tried to recognize when the dysphoria fucked with his head. But sometimes, it was just so hard to separate himself.

“I know,” Matteo nodded. “Just don’t doubt that I want to be with you, okay?”

David nodded, blinking back the tears that had suddenly found their way to his eyes. “Okay.”

—————————

After wandering around all day, taking in the sights. They had found a decent motel, dropped their bags and went out to share a somewhat romantic meal. Which turned into them giggling uncontrollably, neither really knowing why.

David had held Matteo’s hand as they walked back to their motel room and felt proud. It was a good feeling.

“You happy?” He asked the other boy.

“Yeah,” Matteo smiled shyly. “Are you?”

“I am,” David agreed with a nod. He squeezed his boyfriend’s hand a little tighter. He felt a little warm from the wine they had splurged on with dinner.

He watched as Matteo held the motel lobby door open for him. He found it sweet how hard his boyfriend was trying. For as much as Matteo joked around in their relationship, he also had a romantic side that often wasn’t let out. And David had only seen it a few times. When he did, though, it always made his stomach flutter a bit.

They had hurried up to their room, chuckling as the front desk attendant gave them an odd look. Matteo almost bumped into another guest as they piled into the elevator. They forced themselves to behave while they waited for the car to go up four floors before tumbling out and giggling. David grabbed Matteo’s hand and they practically ran the short distance to their room.

It was all giggles, breathy moans and smiles as soon as they hit the bed. They took their time, just enjoying being together. They didn’t rush through. Didn’t cling to each other in desperation. This was just about them.

Afterwards, they laid side by side, staring up at the ceiling, hands clasped between them. David had never felt more loved. More safe. More like he belonged.

“You and me.” Matteo murmured.

“You and me.” David nodded. And David knew that they both didn’t need any other words to know that they were in it together.


	20. Running Away

****

**Two punks in love  
** You had my back from day one  
We were so young  
Your last off hit like a truck  
A loaded gun  
That Cupid knew what was up  
And now I'm locked  
Inseparable we've become - **Megan Bülow, Two Punks in Love**

Matteo grunted when he looked at the time on the clock. It was later than they had meant to sleep. They both were dreading yet, at the same time not, getting back to Berlin.

“Morning,” David yawned.

“Hey,” Matteo rolled onto his side.

“It’s ten, we should get up,” Matteo watched David stretch. The sheet moved down just enough for him to see David’s clavicle.

Matteo shook his head. “We have plenty of time.” They didn’t need to even think about leaving until noon. And he just wasn’t ready to get up yet because he was already starting to miss David and the boy was right next to him.

Reaching out, Matteo’s finger lightly brushed David’s stomach before his palm came to rest there.

“Hmm. I’m going to miss this,” David rolled onto his side, threading fingers through the one’s Matteo had on David’s stomach.

Matteo squeezed David’s hand before letting go, only to place his hand on David’s hip. He pulled him a little closer. “Do you want to...” He let the question hang in the air.

“Do I want to...?” David asked in confusion before his eyes grew wide. Matteo had slid his hand from David’s hip to the boy’s thigh. His thumb was stroking the soft skin and every once in a while would brush up between David’s legs.

“Is that a yes?” Matteo smirked, using his thumb to gently tease David’s opening. When his boyfriend let out a soft gasp, Matteo knew he had the boy. He moved his hand again to stroke between David’s legs. “Hmm?”

“Y-yes,” David breathed out.

Pretty soon, Matteo found himself flipped onto his back and David straddling him.

“We need to make this quick,” David panted and Matteo’s eyes followed to where the boy was grabbing a condom from the box where it had been haphazardly thrown the night before.

“Yes,” Matteo hissed taking the packet from David. He wasted no time rolling the rubber on and helping David position himself.

Soon, their grunts and moans filled the room as Matteo chased his pleasure with unapologetic thrusts. It felt brutal, but he supposed that’s how they needed it. They needed this to be quick and dirty and hard.

“Fuck,” David chanted like a mantra.

Matteo chuckled, tightening his grip on his boyfriend’s hips and slamming as far up as he could. “Love you,” he grunted.

“Matteo,” David sighed. Matteo felt his boyfriend shutter and sigh in appreciation and he knew David had come.

It took a few more thrusts before Matteo came, grinding up into David.

“Oh,” David’s soft whisper filled the room as the boy gently eased off of Matteo.

Matteo tracked a hand down David’s arm. “Can we just stay like this?”

He watched David turn and give him a slight smile before reaching down to grab a shirt and pull it over his head. “You just want us naked in bed.”

“I do,” Matteo agreed. But it was more than that. He liked feeling close to David. Liked knowing that he was the only person who’s ever seen David at his most vulnerable. Liked that David was the only person to see _him_ at his most vulnerable.

David frowned and reached back to pat Matteo’s thigh. “Take that off and come clean up,” David gestured to the soiled condom that Matteo was still wearing.

“Fine,” Matteo grumbled tying off the rubber and throwing it away.

—————————————  
They held hands as David tried to flag down a ride. Matteo knew he wanted to be as close to David as possible in their last few hours alone together.

“Let’s just run away,” Matteo looked out into the road. “We can start over. New names. New identities.”

“But I like being David,” David giggled softly.

Matteo squeezed the hand in his. “We could just leave forever. You and me. That could be our future.”

“Being homeless, teenage runaways? How cliche of you,” David deadpanned. “I think I’ll pass. I’m sick of running away.” A few moments passed before the boy spoke again. “How did I end up having to hitch us a ride? I vividly remember you loosing a bet and _you_ were supposed to do this the whole way back from Italy!”

“I don’t remember that,” Matteo laughed, full well remembering their bet.

“Asshole,” David mock scowled.

“I -“ Matteo was cut off by a car pulling up. A young couple heading right near the park where Jonas’ party was at.

Matteo felt his hand being tugged and realized David wasn’t letting go, even to get into the car. He chuckled, but held on tighter as he got into the backseat next to his boyfriend.

He knew they didn’t need words to express what they were feeling. This was it. The last car ride, last few hours of their trip. He was excited to see Jonas and their friends. He missed getting beers with his best friend.

His hand was dropped and a second later he felt his pocket buzz. Pulling out his phone, he saw a text from David.

**We need to get Jonas a gift**

_Fuck_. **Fuck. Get something at the gas station?**

 **Sure. He’ll find it funny.** David looked up and shrugged.

Matteo half smiled back, pocketing his phone and reaching over to place his hand on David’s knee. A few seconds later he felt the boy slip their hands together. Their enjoined hands came to rest in David’s lap.

Watching the landscape, Matteo leaned a little closer to David so their shoulders rested against one another. As he thought about life back in Moabit, he felt a little calmer. He still had no clue what he wanted to do with his life. But, maybe that was okay. Maybe just being with David and moving forward could be his future and everything else were just things to fill the in between times. He didn’t know. But right now, at this moment, he was fine.

He looked over at David, who had closed his eyes and he suspected the boy had drifted off. Not to sleep, but loosing himself in some artistic vision he couldn’t create at that moment.

He chuckled as he saw the fingers on David’s free hand twitch almost draw in the air. Definitely an artistic moment. He loved that about David. Loved that the boy could see things in the world that others couldn’t. He just wished that the world could see how amazing David was. He hated that there were people still out there who wanted to hurt his boyfriend over something that would never affect their lives.

And yeah, Matteo knew he didn’t truly understand what David faces, not even from the outside world, but in _his_ own head. And he knew he never would. He wouldn’t ever fully comprehend dysphoria. Plus, David hadn’t had a “really” bad day in front of him. He suspects that the boy has hidden how hard it was. He had also come to learn that no matter how many times Matteo told David how much he loved him, how much he wanted him, it wasn’t always enough to dissipate David’s doubts.

Just like he would never truly understand why David loved him. Choose him. Matteo knew there were other people who were interested in David. People who could give David more than Matteo could. And he hated feeling like that. Hated that he questioned their relationship. Questioned David’s loyalty to him. But he guessed it was because he had been abandoned and left behind so many times that he couldn’t handle one more rejection.

“You okay?”

Matteo was startled by David’s voice, only loud enough for him to hear. The boy was looking into his eyes with concern.

“I love you,” he whispered because he just needed to get the words out.

“I love you,” David replied, his voice full of certainty, leaving no question.

Matteo nodded, grateful that David knew that he needed the deliberate words. Not just a _love you, too_.

“You boys running away to Berlin or something?” The driver asked and Matteo realized neither had bothered to get the guy’s name.

“Something like that,” Matteo answered.

The driver nodded. “I can drop you off somewhere other than Moabit if you want.”

“Nah, we’re good. Seems like a place we’re going to be staying for a little while,” David replied.

“Well, good luck,” the driver pulled up to the park.

“Thanks,” Matteo waved as he and David got out of the car.

They waited for the car to drive off before jogging across the street to the gas station. It was one they’d been to a couple times to get quick snacks. The aisles familiar.

“Well, we’re back,” Matteo sighed pulling random items from the shelves.

He laughed when he saw a basket that David had picked up. He had no idea why the gas station even had it to begin with, but nodded, depositing the items in it. They picked up some wrapping to cover the basket on their way to check out.

“We’ve got maybe 18€ left in cash. Let’s hope it’s under,” David laughed as they walked up to the cashier.

Matteo watched as the clerk scanned each item.

“17€99.” The clerk stated.

David handed over the last of their money and Matteo laughed as he and David slapped hands.

“We’re _the best_ ,” David chuckled, taking his change back from the clerk. Matteo followed him out of the store holding the basket.

They quickly wrapped up the mismatched items and ran across the street laughing.

“We’re alright,” David stated.

Matteo turned his head slightly. “Are you asking or telling me?”

“I’m telling you,” David said simply.

“Yeah we are,” Matteo leaned into the boy.

David kissed his cheek, causing Matteo to blush and duck his head.

“No more running away,” Matteo said softly, needing one last confirmation.

“No more shutting down,” David stated.

Matteo nodded.

“I only ran away because I couldn’t...I didn’t...” David stuttered.

“I know,” Matteo stated because he did. Whatever David was going to say, Matteo didn’t need to hear the words to understand.

He watched David think for a second. “It feels like I’m still running.”

“It does?” Matteo asked.

“Yeah,” David shrugged. “But now I’m with you.”

“Are you saying we should run away?” Matteo looked over at the boy.

David shook his head. “Me running before was different.”

“What’s the difference between then and now?” Matteo asked quietly.

“Then I really was running away.” David explained.

Matteo raised an eyebrow, “And now?”

“Now, I’m running with you.”

Matteo laughed. “So, we _are_ running away.”

“We are,” David smiled.

“Where are we going?” Matteo wanted to know with a laugh as they started to walk further into the park.

David shrugged, “Forward.”

“Together?” Matteo leaned into David as they started heading towards the party where he could see Jonas and their friends.

David wrapped an arm around Matteo, his other hand holding his phone, “Together.” He pressed record and started filming.

_Forward. Together._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this is the end of this story. It’s been a crazy, wonderful ride. I thank you all for reading, commenting, liking, and messaging me! 
> 
> And, even though their road trip has come to an end, doesn’t mean there aren’t more adventures to be had and more stories to be told...

**Author's Note:**

> David and Matteo's playlist can be found here: http://bit.ly/DavidMatteoPlaylist
> 
> The songs used in this story will be randomly selected by Spotify. 
> 
> Want to say hi? Come find me over at:  
> Youtube: http://bit.ly/evakayakiyoutube  
> Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/evakayaki  
> Tumblr: evakayaki.tumblr.com


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